Lose You

19.

Ace

It's been a week since Aria showed up at the house in the middle of the night and saw something that...I don't blame her for assuming the worst. I'm an absolute piece of shit, the look in her eyes she was broken and it's all my fault. I remember when I walked in on Mason and my ex, how the fuck do you forget something like that? What Aria saw was just as similar. But, nothing happened between me and Jay. Neither of us would do that to her, ever.

We had people over tonight, Jay and Conrad got into a big fight and she drank way too much. I carried her upstairs to the bathroom and the moment I set her down she threw up all over herself. I literally helped her clean up and I brought her into my room to lay down and get some rest. She was on the bed and I stayed on the floor with a blanket, she woke up and wanted to leave so I was going to walk her out and that's when Aria saw us. 

Believe me when I say that I know how bad it looked, but I would never fucking do that. Just the fact that Mason was the one who let her in, on purpose to. He knew what she was going to walk into and he didn't try to stop or her explain, but why would he? In his mind he thinks he still has a chance with her and if he can paint me out to be the bad guy, then she might go back to him. It makes no fucking sense to me but I know that's exactly what he was thinking.

Our championship game is next Friday and practices this week have been brutal. My heads not in the game, because of everything going on off the ice. Coach, the team and the guys can all tell and it's starting to effect all of them. I wish I could compartmentalize this shit and focus on the game, but my brain doesn't work like that or my heart. She's literally all I can think about lately and I've seen her on campus twice and she looks like hell.

Still perfect of course, but so... broken. It's a tough pill to swallow knowing that I am a big part of the reason why she feels like this. Jay told me that she's tried to talk to her, but Aria won't give her the time of day and that she's also been sleeping on the couch in their living room. I want to show up on her door step and explain myself, but how can I? I literally punched her ex, took off in the middle of the night with nothing but a note left behind and then she saw me with her friend.

I would hate me too and I do... I fucking hate myself right now. I meet Abel and Conrad in the cafeteria for lunch, we grab sandwiches and one of the open tables. I set my backpack down and plop down into one of the chairs "You look like shit" Conrad points out and I glare at him and bite into my sandwich.

"Thanks asshole" is all I say and he laughs.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Conrad asks because he was also pissed about the situation until we talked it out.

"No, there's more to it than just what happened and last time I checked, you both were the ones who told me to end shit with her" I say angrily.

"Clearly that was not the solution since you're still an angry asshole" I chew on my food and have to resist strangling him across the table.

"I don't want to have this conversation right now so drop it" I say seriously and he listens. 

We finish eating and head out, when we're walking out the three of us see Aria talking to none other than Mason. He has a stupid smile on his face, but she doesn't... she looks sad and like she's forcing herself to look happier than she is. I see through the façade because I know her so well, I know her better than anyone especially that prick. 

I don't know what he says, but he gets her to laugh. Like a genuine, real and it I fucking hate it. I hate that somehow in this twisted situation I became the bad guy. I'm the asshole and she's going to act all buddy, buddy with the worst of them all. He ends up walking off in the opposite direction as her and she stands there for a moment. She looks at her phone and then shoves it into her back pocket, she turns her head and sees us.