Lose You

24.

Aria

I'm out with Jayce and some of her friends from work when my Instagram notifications go off. I see that I have a message and my heart nearly stops when I see who it's from blue check mark by his name in all. I stare at it over and over, too afraid to click on it like it's going to physically burn my finger or leave another scar. It's from yesterday morning and apparently I didn't see it then but I see it now and I'm not sure if I want to even read it.

I take a long drink from my wine glass and click it t read Congratulations on your book, can't wait to read it sweet cheeks. I read and read it over and over as my heart continues to race in my chest. It's the nickname he used to call me and it still has the same affect on me now, that it did back then. Ace Edgewood all star hockey player, play boy and my ex... or almost ex. I know that he plays for The Kings in LA and has for the last two years. I also knew that when I decided to move closer to the city because a strange part of me hopes we would run into each other.

Los Angeles is a huge city with thousands of people, so the odds are definitely against us but a girl could dream. I haven't been to any of his games but I've seen them on TV and he's an even better player than he was in college which is unreal to me. He and Abel have basically taken the team and made them unstoppable, I bet their coach and the franchise in general loves that.

Jayce looks at me curiously "What are you looking at over there?" I hold my phone up so she can see the message and who it's from "No fucking way".

Her friends Marissa and Taylor read it as well "You know Ace Edgewood?!" they both ask.

I slowly nod "Yeah he's my..." Jayce cuts in.

"The one that got away basically" she says and I shrug.

"How the hell did you let him get away in the first place?" Marissa asks.

"It's a long story" I say and she gets the hint "Do I respond?"

"Yes you do" Jayce says quickly.

I want to respond, and I love her encouragement but I'm not sure what to say. When I first started writing this book I never intended for it to get published. I posted it on a writing platform and it kind of just blew up from there. When my publishing company reached out it was surreal and an absolute dream come true but the only problem was, the world was able to read what was basically my diary.

I wrote this story about Aced and I, pretty much pouring my heart out anonymously for strangers on this website and  then it turned out that people would know that I wrote it. I was terrified and almost threw the opportunity away until my mom and sister talked me off the ledge. After I turned it into a manuscript with my editor and sent the final copy in, I had a panic attack. It's been a few months now and I've sold beyond the predicted amount. I have a book tour coming up and might even go on a couple talk shows. 

My agent has even tip toed around a possible movie deal which I think is even more insane. I don't know what Ace will think when he does read it, but I hope he likes it. I didn't make him some villain or awful person because he's not. I wrote the truth and expanded more on my hesitation and how I was a coward who couldn't take a leap of faith with him. He told me he would catch me, but I let my fear of heights get the best of me.

I start typing I hope you like it  and hit send. It's stupid and simple but what else am I supposed to say to him? It's been two years and I still regret the day I let you go, I'm ready to be with you. Like hell no, he probably has a different girl in his bed every night or he moved on for real and is in a relationship with some lucky girl who had the courage that I didn't. I've never been a huge risk taker and I think that has a lot to do with losing my dad and brother. It skewed the way I look at life and wanting to live outside of my comfort zone.