The Girl They Never Noticed

Chapter 67 (Last Chapter)

It wasn't long before I was sitting by his side. His hands felt cold to the touch and his once handsome face was now sunken and un-life like. He had a breathing tube, because his lungs were failing at a rapid pace.

What have they done to you?

The silence in the room was filled by the unbearable beeping of the vitals machine, and my occasional sniffing.

Beep.

Beep.

As if those beeps were supposed to bring back my brother.

Beep.

Beep.

"You know, I never had a chance to live with you. I never had the chance to experience a life where I had a brother. Where I had a friend, someone I could turn to for help and advise. I never had someone who I knew was sleeping just one room over, who would never let me borrow their charger, but would give me a part of his liver in a heartbeat. I prayed and prayed for countless nights for God to show me a sign. I guess in my heart I always knew I had someone because I never felt whole. I never felt like I belonged because somehow I always knew that a small part of me was missing. Then I found you, but.... but I lost you in a heartbeat. You were gone before I had the chance to be reassured by your presence in my life."

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do this. No matter how hard I tried to talk, the words always got stuck in my throat. What could I possibly say to him that would make any sort of difference? I didn't have anything to say to him, but I didn't want to leave. I didn't want him to...to die alone. So I continued talking nonsense, like I was hoping he'd just wake up randomly and tell me this was all just an elaborate prank.

"I never had a chance to thank you for everything you've done for me. You fought so valiantly CJ. You gave it your all, but we're stuck in a game where someone is destined to lose. I hate that you were the one who got to leave. That you were the one who suffered unimaginable pain and loss your entire life. I hate that you were the one who got to leave. Just as you found us. You fought a hard war CJ. You deserve to rest... to...to take a break."

My throat hurt.

My heart hurt.

But I had to say something.

"I got it from here twin. I will keep them safe. You can let go now. I got it from here. You can let go." I held his cold hand in mine, and with tears flooding my eyes - I sang his favorite song.

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

I had to stop singing because it all hit me at once, and keeping my voice steady turned into an unbearable chore. I just wanted to know if he heard me but I know that that's impossible. His brain just isn't functional like that anymore.

I... I won't be able to hear his voice again....

He won't be able to call me sis again.... Or reassure me that he's got this...

I thought I saw him move his head, but I just think the tears in my eyes were playing tricks on me. I held his hand, so close to my face, just to be able to take in his scent one last time. I closed my eyes, and rocked back and forth.

I might have been exhausted and riddled with grief but I felt it. I felt him. He squeezed my hand. I know that that is impossible but I swear he squeezed my hand. Very lightly. Very gently; but it was there. Unfortunately though, I didn't even have a chance to even comprehend this gesture or what it could mean because he flatlined half a second later.