Behind the Facade// DDLC FANFIC

Guilt

Tw: substance abuse, intense angst, s3xual h4rassment, suicidal thoughts, description of death.
*Monikas POV*
I stare at my darkened mirror as my hazing eyes watch the pills drop and drop. I put the palm of pills down my throat and chug a waterbottle whole. Everything becomes all weird and fuzzy. My throat becomes instantly dry and a sharp pain in my chest. I yell out as tears fall down my face.
I want all the pain to go away.

But when I see MC..
everything goes away. I get aroused thinking about his strong hands laying on my warm body, as he trails his fingers down my thighs, and finds his way to my-
The whole capsule falls to the ground and I sigh shakily. I put on my cardigan and go out of my house to buy some groceries. The house has been empty and my mother's been drunk for the past week after my father magically passed away.

I open the door to smell the fresh air, but all I can smell is the blood of all my dearest friends. The sharp pain is still linger, but I don't think it's the dosage of the pills..
There's a certain route I always take, it's near to the place I used to plan to hang myself. It's near a cold alleyway, and a forest. I never got the chance to. MC saved me.
A man approaches me and I turn away quickly. I stare back at him and see his lustful eyes. I am immediately disgusting and quickly turn away. I try to speed up but he grabs my shoulder and turns me around. He reaches right for my chest and I try to scream but he covers my mouth quickly.

"No need to be fiesty, is there?" He breathes loudly onto me, and I stare in completely shock. Tears roll down my face as he pushes me onto the wall and grabs my breasts. "This is what you were made for, right?"
He leans in and kisses me and I try to push him, but he grabs my wrists hard and it hurts so bad as he digs his nails in. I knee him right in his crotch and he yells out. "You fucking BITCH!" He growls, and grabs me my throat and shows out a knife right out to my throat.
"Give me what I want, or I'll.. I'll kill you!" He smiles menacingly, and I realise he doesn't have any hands on me. I look to my left, and when he turns his head I quickly bolt back out the alleyway. Tears stream out of my face and I run down to MC's house.
I turn to see if the man is following, and I see him weakily limping up. I bang on MC's door, but no response. I am so afraid, I keep barging myself into his door. "MC! PLEASE, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"
He comes to the door and I run in and slam the door. "Lock the door." I sigh, completely out of breath.

"Monika what hap-"
"I..I.."

Everything fades as I burst into tears in his arms as he shakes me.

"Monika, why won't you eat your food?"
"I'm not hungry mother."
"What happened to you?"
I felt him nudge my stomach gently. I stare tearfully at my father and he gives me the most intimidating face I would ever have to see.
"Nothing. I'm just not hungry." I say.

"Well, I have to go to work. See you guys later!" She smiles, picking her work bag and going through the main door. SLAM!
He stares at me and I immediately run to my room screaming. "Go away dad! Leave me alone!"

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me."
I run up to my bedroom and he bolts to me and grabs me, pushing me to the floor. I fall into my bedroom and he stands up, facing me. SLAM!
He closes my bedroom door and I crawl to the wall beside my bed.
"It's a fun game, that's all."
"But dad, it really hurts.."
"It doesn't matter, the more hurtful the more better for us both. Now, don't tell your mother."
"It's our private game."

I snap back to reality and find me laid in MC's bed. I look around wildly, and seeing him beside me. "W-what?! What the fuck?!" I quickly jump out and stare at him with anger.

"What? I didn't do anything?"
"I-i..I thought.."
I see him in his pyjamas and realise I was wrong and sigh. "I'm so sorry MC." I sit back down, covering my face with my hands."
He holds me tight in a hug and I feel so relaxed. I think he's the bandage for my wounds. I out my hands over his and I lay my head on his chest.
"I love you MC." I smile.
"I know you do." He replies.

I say goodbye after a while or talks and kisses and some other things and finally leave when I feel safe enough. My heart is still pounding and when I open the door, I see the rain pouring down. Shit, I don't even have an umbrella.

I start walking swiftly down the path and the rain drops on my face Alot. My eyesight is all blurred and fuzzy with the water entering my eyes. I run out of breath and start panting and I manage to make it a few steps before I come face to face with another person. She has sleek, pink hair and ocean blue eyes. I stare at them and see her wet hair sticking to her face. Her energy is full of rage and betrayal.
"S-Sayori?" I stammer, confused to see her here.

She shoves me straight in the guts and I nearly fell over into a puddle. "What the fuck is your deal?" I yell out.
"Y-you did this to us. You let MC interfere with a friendship that was peacefully, and that should have been enough for you!" She screams in my face, panting heavily as the rain keeps falling on her face.

I panic, not because I'm intimidated. But because she's right.
"Where the fuck is Yuri?" Her words are cold and bitter, and the tone is even worse. I know what happened to Yuri, but I can't say now. "Monika, where THE FUCK IS YURI?!"
I hesitate and stare at the ground, tears running down my face. She reaches her hand it and slaps me across the face. My whole cheek is burning with the impact and I cry out.
I can't help but cry while rubbing my cheek.

"How, how could you let this happen? Your fucking insane!!" Sayori shakes her head in fear.
"Sayori, I didn't do this!" I lie, but my throat hurts so bad it sounds so untruthful.
She slaps me across the face again.
"You psychotic liar! TELL ME THE TRUTH!" She sobs, holding her stomach tightly.
How...did she know?

Oh fuck.
She's always been watching me, ever since. She probably connected the dots and...
And..

I start sobbing, and convince her as well as I could. She sees the sadness in my eyes. And I know she's knows that this is the first time
I've ever felt guilt.
"You are so, so sick Monika. They were the only thing keeping me sane. YOU, were the only thing keeping me alive!" She yells shaking her head slowly.
"This club, was..the only thing. The only thing that mattered."

"Sayori I'm sorry." I cry, sniffling in between every syllable. She punches me right in the face and I lean back in pain. My nose is bleeding and I breathe shakily. I watch the blood drip and she looks at me with shame.
She comes up to me, sighs and kisses me.
I stare at her in shock, and slowly close my eyes. She breaks off and walks away slowly.

"Sayori?" I yell out. She doesn't turn around.
My face is covered in thick red blood and my mouth hurts due to the punch. I throw my hands up and scoff.
Yuri and Natsuki..
I..
I don't know if I feel bad. But..
Why should I. I got what I wanted at the end.
I'm just one step away.