What about me..

-part 16-

I hated lunch sometimes.

It was like a cycle- the same boring old thing every day. But I sensed things were getting better for me. I had friends!

I walked towards Lucy who was slowly nibbling away at a cheese straw, sat on a bench by a willow tree.

"Hi Lucy. Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"No, not at all!"  Lucy gave me a smile.

"What you're eating looks good." I pointed at her cheese straw.

"Oh thanks. My mum baked them." She continued to nibble away.

"Where's Grace? Sorry, I have a lot of questions." I giggled to myself.

"Oh, I think she's hanging out with Ivy, Lulu and Brittney."

"Okay. Well, I'll keep you company then." I took a seat next to Lucy as I pulled out my pack up.

"What do you have today in your pack up?" Lucy questioned.

"I have tomato pasta. Also today's lessons have been alright for me today. What about you?"

Oh, yeah, I've had Drama and Maths so far. So not too bad I guess but I hate maths so much. The teacher though! She gets on my nerves so much." Lucy scoffed.

"Oh I won't know your teacher because we will probably have different teachers because I'm in middle set for maths aren't I where as you are in top set." I said.

"Ah yeah, forgot about that. Why aren't you with Brittney and them lot?" Lucy questioned.

"I don't know. I just saw you by yourself and thought I would come and sit with you."

"Well I'm a lot more nicer than that lot." Lucy nudged me and giggled.

"Really? I thought they weren't that bad!" I looked up at Lucy and raised my eyebrows then went back to taking another mouthful of pasta.

"Well of course I can't say much about grace as seen as she is my close friend. And Brittney is nice. Oh and ivy. but Lulu.  She's a cow." Lucy rolled her eyes with a scoff.

"I suppose so. But why?"

"She's awful and talks about her friends behind their backs. Didn't you hear about last year when she spread that rumour around the school about Brittney's mum! I don't even know how Brittney came to words to accept Lulu's apology!"

"Oh my god! I never heard about that. Me and Brittney have only become close recently."

"Yeah, well if everyone keeps accepting her apologies she will continue. You never know, her rumours could get worse."

"Yeah they could. What if she makes a rumour about me!" I gasped, bitting down on my lip.

"I doubt it. Just don't get to close to her. Keep your distance and also keep an eye on her will you?" Lucy reassured me.

"Yeah I will. I'm more closer with Brittney to be honest. Lulu has said a few things that I have questioned."

"Yeah. She says back handed compliments so that you think she is being nice but really when you think about what she has said you realise it isn't so nice." Lucy gazed ahead at the boys playing football.

"Someone who's catching your attention huh?" I gave Lucy a nudge.

"No!" Lucy said sharply, turning scarlet.

"Sorry for asking." I smirked.

"Well. Anyone who has caught your attention Indigo?" Lucy raised her eyebrows.

"Maybe." I smiled.

"Ah. A secret, I see!" Lucy said, nodding her head.

I noticed Max in the corner of my eye. Sat on a bench, his head in his hands.

"I'm gonna have to go now Lucy. Sorry! Bye!" I said, heading towards Max. Although we had an argument, I had to ask if his mum was okay. It would be rude if not.

I awkwardly and quietly took a seat next to him. Shuffling around- keeping my distance.

"How's your Mum, Max? I'm worried that's all. Hope everything is okay at home as well." I patted Max's shoulder.

Max gasped and leaned back, "you scared the life out of me."

"Was i that loud?" I questioned.

"Loud enough to scare grown men three streets away!" He gave an awkward laugh as he looked up, "oh, it's you." He rolled his eyes and didn't seem to pleased.

"Is your mum okay then?" I questioned.

"Why would you care?" He said.

"Because I do. I mean, I've grown up with your family my whole life so it would be weird not to care."

"She's okay. It's just, I'm so tired. Doctors say she will never be as fit and healthy as she used to, but should be okay to come home in a couple of days." Max clenched his hands together, which made a funny sound.

"Yeah I'm tired too." I didn't know what else to say.

"Stop making it about yourself." Max sighed.

"Sorry." I looked off into the distance. I never thought it was possibly to love and envy someone at the same time, but he always proved me wrong.

"Me and Kerry are still going strong which is good as a distraction from my mum I suppose." Max said.

I was annoyed at this point, "Do you want an award or something," I scoffed, "oh, ummm." I gave an awkward laugh.

"Yeah I do. At least Kerry is there for me and doesn't have your personality. You just say the wrong things at the wrong time." He sighed.

A tear escaped from my eye and ran down my plump cheek. I walked off. Head held high, not looking back. Even though I know. I know I'll always come second. Kerry will always be number one. She's curvy in all the right places for society. She's prettier. Popular, a better person. I know his life isn't meant for me. But that's okay... I guess.

And that's what I reminded myself everyday. I needed to. I needed to stop living in some fantasy and within my fake scenarios imagining me and him living happily ever after. Because it's never going to happen. I need to lower my expectations; stop getting my hopes up. It will never happen. Ever. But that's okay... I guess.