Soar With Me (✔️)

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐅𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐲-𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

Warren

I hate New York.

I've been here for two weeks and I can't fathom how people live here. It's so fucking cold. And the snow keeps on accumulating each day.

The famous city is buzzing with Christmas energy. Colorful lights are wrapped around shops, Christmas drinks are a full-show and wreaths and impressively decorative Christmas trees are everywhere. There's so much joy and laughter in the air that I'm sick of it.

It's not that I hate Christmas because I don't.

For the past years I've gotten used to celebrating this day on my own, and sometimes with Connor. His family invites me over and I attend the exquisite dinner his mom cooks. Gifts are exchanged. It's nice, but not homey.

When I return home it's me and my empty penthouse and that kills the spirit.

In New York even Connor isn't here and it's boring and depressing.

Since I've arrived I've been working a lot. I only go to sleep when my eyes begin to water and exhaustion takes over me. From conducting long board meetings to working on blueprints for the hotel, it's been a hell of a week which is exactly what I need.

Work equals no distractions. That is exactly what I need when I'm dealing with a heartache that refuses to abate with time.

I guess I'll just have to learn to live like this. Live with this pain because it's not going anywhere.

The indentation of her is carved on my heart and there's no way around getting rid of it.

Whether I admit it or not I'll always be holding onto the little hope that she will return to me. Because the possibility of that gives me the motivation to live. Even if it's wishful thinking.

Getting away from the window that overlooks Central Park I make myself a cup of coffee.

Tomorrow's the last meeting to discuss the final blueprint for the hotel and finalize it.

Rowan is flying in from Seattle to make the official changes and suggestions. After that the project will be in works and I'll be here monitoring everything.

There is a Christmas party that I've been invited to but I'm not going to attend. I have no desire to be around people when I feel depressed on the inside.

I pick up my iPad to review the files Kenna sent me regarding the Paris project. Managing work at my company from here has been hard since I'm not physically there, but I'm trying to make ends meet.

I skim over the files but words go past my head. And instead I daydream about Evelyn which has become a continuous thing these days. Seeing a golden retriever also reminds me of Miles, whom I miss so much.

I don't only love Evelyn, I love her dog too.

Memories from the last five months haunt me like ghosts. I search for her in crowds, but don't find her no matter how much I wish for her.

For some sick reason my heart keeps holding onto the little string of hope that she'll try to fight for us. The us she believes isn't there.

All that happened in high school was a bunch of mistakes I made because I was young and naive. I thought I knew everything at that age. There was assurance that what I did to Evelyn was the right thing to do. But now that I look back I have nothing but regrets and painful memories.

I haven't talked to my family in a long time and I probably won't ever. My sister, Hadley, manipulated my mom into believing that Violet was the right choice for me and Evelyn was some girl who was weaving me in her webs.