The Curse of Beasts (BEASTARS)

Bittersweet Dreams

Weightlessness.

    That was the first thing he noticed, other than the darkness. It didn't feel like he was even in his body, only an absence of ground or air. He couldn't remember what happened, bits and pieces flashing through but nothing concrete. He could recall some things, however.

His name, his village, his parents and his transfer to Cherryton. After that, it became foggy.

"Ah, Alan.", a voice echoed. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

    Two shadows appeared, one tall and one shorter. It seemed like they were greeting each other. That's right, he realized, this was his first day at Cherryton— the start of his journey. There was a sense of melancholy in the scene, a bit of fear but also excitement. Why wouldn't he feel that? He was blind to the truth, back then. Some of the memories were already coming back, making the scene almost ironic in a sense.

I was naive.

    Maybe it was because of him being in a new place, or the fact that he was away from his father. Either way, he was outwardly optimistic. He already knew of predation and the dangers around it, but he didn't want to show it. Part of him was fine being the buffer, a way of making things better for both sides when it got tough. He'd deal with it, so long as he could keep out of trouble.

"I think it means the moon gives you strength.", another voice echoed as the scene changed.

    The two shadows disappeared, being replaced by chairs. A circular light appeared above, casting a glow upon them. He didn't have to think to know what the memory was. Legosi was the closest friend out of everyone he met, especially after what happened down the line. His reserved and awkward nature, his near-bottomless levels of stubbornness— it reminded Alan of himself sometimes. Even then, the wolf was willing to help even when there was no hope left.

"You're strong, Alan-san, in your own way. You may not be as big as a carnivore, but you were strong enough to fight."

That may be true, but it wasn't enough in the end...

There were many times where he managed to break through his apprehension. The times where he reached the limits of his emotions and let his instincts take control— where somehow, he was able to fight animals larger than him. He could defend himself against them, sure, but he couldn't win. He could never do it alone...

"You lost!", the light faded into red. "In this world, only the strong survive— and compared to me, you're nothing!"

...

Yeah...I guess I did lose.

It was always a losing battle, wasn't it? Each encounter ticked away at him as he worked towards something he knew was impossible. He didn't want to admit it, though— admission would mean losing. Losing was the last thing he wanted, given all he'd witnessed. Losing meant admitting he was weak, and he had to prove them wrong!

But now...he knew it for sure.

"You can't stop this, Alan-san.", the light and chairs faded. "This is what I am..."

...I know, Riz. I guess I always knew.

    Trying to stop Riz and Legosi's fight felt like a last chance for him. If he couldn't do it, then he knew for sure where he stood. In a way, he was just like them when it came to their instincts. All it takes is something small to bait them, and then disaster follows. With Alan, his mentality swayed constantly like a pendulum. Could it be a result of his past? The Shishigumi kidnapping? Perhaps he was always this way?