The Curse of Beasts (BEASTARS)

Outsider

"Alan...what did you mean by that?"

Shut up.

"Bill, maybe you shouldn't—"

"No! He's been acting weird for weeks and avoiding it every time someone asks. He's not doing that again this time!"

Stop it.

"I'm serious! He seems really freaked out about this—"

"Enough!", the human yelled, bringing everyone to silence. All eyes were on him now, including a few people around the rooftop. He looked around and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather himself. He felt like he was close to collapsing into a crumbling mess, but that wasn't going to happen now.

Not with them.

He slowly made his way back to the small group, leaning against the fence near Legosi.

He took a shaking breath, "...you really want to know?"

Bill nodded, and the others seemed the same way.

He sighed again, beckoning them closer. Not even Legosi knew what he was about to tell— he only had the bare-bones version. Only Jack and his father heard it from his mouth, but it seemed that the circle was about to grow. Legosi looked worried, the same with Riz and Aoba. Bill seemed like it, but it was probably more like him wanting in on the human's deepest thoughts.

Alan rubbed the side of his face, "What I'm about to say...does not leave this rooftop. Nobody, not in the club or otherwise, hears a word. Got it?"

Nods all around. It was good, at least to a small part of him.

He took another breath, "I looked into human history, mostly out of curiosity. We're apparently isolated primates that evolved, but that's neither here nor there. I learned about how humans got in touch with animal-kind, how they branched off and made villages for themselves. It was honestly pretty cool to research it..."

He let out a hollow chuckle, "I hit a slump, though. I wanted to see how humans integrated with animals, but I kept hitting dead ends. That's when Ro—...someone told me about 'An-Man.'"

Looking up, he was met with confused expressions.

"Yeah, I figured that.", he said before continuing. "It was a human integration program. They sent a group of humans into the city to experience life among animals. There were already a few there, but they wanted to spread the word. Of course, it didn't work out, and the group disappeared mysteriously. Being what you are and knowing what you know, I'm sure you can fill in the blank."

"D-did they..."

"They might as well have.", he gave a shrug. "They were never seen again, from what I learned. Not only that, but the whole thing 'faded into memory' without a word being said out loud. Zero, nada, zilch. Fast forward a few decades and then they try again, but with a few changes."

He leaned his head back, "Tell me if this story sounds familiar: Optimistic little human gets the chance to attend an animal school in the name of integration, love, and all that kumbaya-jazz. Only to find out, whoopsie, the world isn't all kumbaya."

"And about being human, double whoopsie— he's part-carnivore. And whoopsie number threesie, he's nothing but a pawn in the big fancy game of reputation."

His tone took a joking turn, but it was littered with disdain. As he kept going, he gestured with his hands. At one point, he wriggled his fingers like they were legs on an insect. At another, he clenched his fist tightly for emphasis. It didn't even seem like he cared, as he was so absorbed in his speech. No one stopped him, though, either out of courtesy or fear of setting him off.

"And soon enough, he finds out about the past and realizes he's nothing but a crowned jewel, he's just there to look good and make everyone look better by association. Ohoho, but that's just the tip of the emotional iceberg!"

He was smiling now, but they knew it was anything but happy.

"Oh, let me count the ways in which the valiant human lost his way. One, he thought he could change the messed-up world all by himself— wrong! Two, he thought his wolf-side wouldn't let itself rise to the surface— fail! And get this!"

He chuckled darkly, "He had the nerve, the audacity...to try and fight a lion gangster boss who was planning to eat him! It's hilarious!"

He rubbed his neck as he laughed, "It's so stupid, right? Ever since I came here, bad things have happened. Tem died, tensions rose, Louis left, and the club nearly had a civil war because of a flamboyant sheep."

He hung his head, "I guess I'm the opposite of a treasure...I'm more of a bad omen."

    Silence followed that, but he welcomed it. He couldn't stop himself even if he tried. They didn't either, thankfully, but it was beyond their control. It felt cathartic, in a way. After the meeting with his father, he was drained, but then it turned to frustration. It was frustration at nothing but himself. How could he let himself fall so hard? How could he have been so naive to think things would be fine from the beginning?

"Alan...", Legosi's voice broke the silence. "I'm sure you're not the reason all of that happened."

"Sure...", he replied hollowly. "Maybe it's just a cosmic coincidence that has absolutely nothing to do with me. That's totally what it is."

"But Louis got you into the Drama Club.", Bill retorted. "Do you really think he'd quit because of you?"

"Maybe he didn't, but he's not here to answer that, now is he?"

"Alan, you're not a bad guy. Everyone likes having you in the club. Sure, some bad things happened, but it couldn't just be because of you."

"Then what about Tem?"

They all went quiet.

"I bumped into him in the hallway the day before he died.", he lowered his head somberly. "I only got a few words in and I never saw him again. I couldn't get it out of my head, no matter how hard I tried! I kept thinking...what if Tem wasn't the one the killer wanted? What if it was supposed to be me?"

"Alan, stop it.", Riz gave a hard look. "None of us even saw you before Louis brought you into the club. Why would anyone have it out for you when you had just arrived?"

"Just look at me!", he stood up and placed a hand on his chest. "Everything about me is the direct opposite to all of you! No fur, no fangs, no claws— no tails, wings, scales, or whatever else there is! I'm a literal walking spectacle!"

"You keep saying that I'm this great guy and some revolutionary, but I'm none of that... I'm an outsider. I could've been in Tem's place, and if I really could go back and change it, then...then..."

He stopped, panting as his heart burned in his chest.

He looked up, eyes moistened, "I wouldn't have come to Cherryton at all."

He started towards the door hastily, this time unopposed. None of them stopped him, knowing he was well beyond their reach. The human felt drained once again, having let out a fraction of the frustrations in his mind. He didn't want them to know, because it would only make things worse. That's why he made them promise to keep it on the rooftop. It was the same for Jack, though it didn't seem to matter now that Legosi knew as well.

I'm beyond help now, he thought solemnly. I'm beyond anyone's help...

~~*~~

A.N: I'm actually gonna hold off on updates next week. It mainly comes down to me needing some time to get stuff together.