The Curse of Beasts (BEASTARS)

Heart to Mind

"You don't know anything about what the past few months have been like for me.", Alan growled out as the wolf stayed silent.

"It was bad enough knowing Tem died just after I went there, but it just kept spiraling after that! First, two carnivores got into a fight during a play and I stopped it, then I tried making stories to make things better for everyone and a stupid fox got in the way and my secret came out. I had to hide in a garden for days after that because people kept speculating about me!"

"It wasn't even until I called you that I started to feel better about it. I started to like being part-wolf!", he shook briefly. "I thought I could handle being there, I thought I could be more than just a human with some wolf mixed in. But then I learned about An-Man..."

He slumped and lowered his gaze, "Humans aren't taken seriously by animals. All we are to them are anomalies that don't pose any threat, and we're just around for the novelty."

He sighed, "I don't know if I want to stay at Cherryton any longer. Between Tem dying and everything else...I can't handle it all."

He had kept himself level enough, surprisingly. He didn't even yell enough to draw attention from the other patrons, though there were only a few. The wolf stayed silent, ears folded down as he glanced around the cafe. The tension was reaching its limit at this point, and it was only a matter of time before the walls broke down. Just by looking at him, he could feel the human's anger rising. Even so, he still kept himself in check.

"Alan...", the wolf started quietly. "I never thought it would be that way—"

"Don't you dare feed me that crap.", he cut him off with venom as his voice slowly grew louder. "All of this is because of you! If you hadn't suggested that transfer program to me, I wouldn't have ended up there and gone through all that! Who knows? Maybe those two carnivores wouldn't have fought, and maybe Tem wouldn't have died!"

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known—"

"Oh, you're right!", he said with a dry laugh. "I'm not the one at fault, that's you! You're the one that caused all of this, we both know that! And do you know why?"

His eyes narrowed and his fur bristled, "Alan, there's a time and a place..."

He stood out of his chair swiftly, "Don't talk to me about time and place! You're the last person I want to hear that from! I'm not the one who made us miserable, you are! If you had a shred of decency, if you loved her—"

"How can you say that?!", the wolf snarled, bringing them both to silence.

If the tension were visible, they'd be drowning in it. Alan was frozen with wide eyes, not expecting the response at all. Even before losing his mother, his father never raised his voice. It wasn't really needed if he thought about it. He could be firm, sure, but he only ever shifted his tone. Neither of them did that before in Alan's life, and this was something he never saw from his father at all.

The wolf stared at him with wide, wild eyes. The fur around his head had moved forward, making him look almost crazed. He panted tiredly as he looked around, seeing all the attention on the two of them. The few animals inside, including the barista, were shell-shocked. He closed his eyes, sighing heavily as he lowered his head shamefully. Alan sat back down, still gazing at him in shock at the outburst. Neither of them said a word for a time, possibly trying to process what just happened. It felt like an eternity before the wolf looked up again, his eyes pained.

"I loved her...even after what happened.", he said quietly. "I loved her with all my heart, and you're living proof of that. Do you think I would've stayed if I didn't? Do you think you'd even be here right now?"

Alan was silent for a moment before asking, "How did it start?"

"We were both in the city, though living separate lives.", he relaxed his shoulders. "I was working a small role in a kitchen and she was bouncing around the job space. One day, she came in and I saw her..."

His ears rose slowly, "Her hair was a golden waterfall, her eyes glistening pools and skin so delicate. It felt like I was hallucinating for a second, but then she saw me and she giggled. We ended up talking and after a bit, we got closer."

"And then you got married?"

"Well, it took a bit of time.", he brushed his fur back with his hand. "We were new to that sort of thing, especially considering our differences. When the time came, she asked if we could go to a village and escape the city. It was refreshing to see it, like I had found a whole new world. It wasn't that long before we...settled down for real."

Alan nodded before looking away, "And...that night?"

The wolf visibly sunk in his seat, "I...I honestly don't know why it happened. One minute we were in bed together and the next...it was over. I didn't know what to do anymore, and it was made worse when they took you. So I went somewhere to find help."

"The Ghetto."

He perked up at the whisper, looking around before continuing, "How did you... Yes. I couldn't rationalize it, but someone told me I had to live with it, or else it would destroy me from the inside. So, I just rolled with it. I didn't want to find anyone else, nor did I want to be someone different. It was impossible for me, but not for you."

He locked eyes with the human, "The reason I kept going, the reason I told you about the program: it was for her. She would've wanted you to become something amazing, I know that. It would only be a matter of time before you found out about the city, the Beastars, and the danger surrounding them. I thought...'if I couldn't tell you, why not just show you?'"

"I never meant for you to go through what you did.", he tugged at one of his ears. "I did it because I care about you, even if you hate me. I'll still be around, whether you're in front of me or a thousand miles away."

"You're still my son...and I don't want to lose you like I did her."

He held a hand out to him, but he moved away.

"That's just it.", he said as he glanced at him. "You did lose me, right when you lost her."

He placed a few bills on the table and stood up, "You did something that changed our lives forever, and I can never forgive you for that."

"Alan, please!"

    He stopped just a few steps away from him, turning to look. The wolf was reaching for him, guilt flooded in his eyes. The anger was gone at this point, replaced by a hollow feeling. He had said his piece, as did the wolf. They both lost control for a brief moment and let out what needed to be. It didn't leave anything tied up, though. He felt a small amount of pity, but he smothered it the moment it appeared. He understood in a way, but they were a long way back from being on good terms.

"Howl all you like.", he said without emotion. "Grovel on your knees with your tail between your legs under the moon, but it won't change anything. It won't make everything better again..."

"I got what I wanted here, so just go back to being in the shadows.", he didn't pay any mind as he walked out.