The Heart Exchange (bnha agere)

Chapter 11: The Worst

Cws: implied self harm
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    Katsuki felt so stupid. He's been laying in bed, wasting his Sunday. They couldn't stop thinking about yesterday, and how they could have been caught. Regressing in public was a really, really awful idea, and the fact Katsuki had let it happen was ridiculous. But it wasn't just that. Kirishima could have found out he's trans, and that was a whole other thing that Bakugo would have to deal with. If the secret got out right now, then it'd be Bakugo's own fault, but if somebody else knew, well then, what if they let it slip in conversation? The only person Bakugo could control was themselves. He hated that.

   He rolls over and puts his headphones on. The anxiety is eating him alive. Why did he have to act like a kid? Why was that the involuntary coping mechanism he got? Because it sucked, bad. They took their phone out of their pocket, and began listening to their playlist. As they did so, they browsed their socials. Ashido had uploaded a new photo. It was her and Sero playing a boardgame. Katsuki sighed, scrolling down her page. There was Denki, and class notes, and flowers, and more Sero, and Kirishima, and Uraraka, and some of her makeup looks. Finally Bakugo came across a picture of himself. It was from five months ago, and it shows him slouched on her bed with his headphones on like he has now. The bottom half of Kirishima's figure is visible beside him.
   Studying the photo, Katsuki realises that he doesn't look very happy. Their eyes are slitted, and they're grimacing up at Mina. This snapshot of him, just being moody. Bakugo can't remember when that photo was taken. Why did she take it? He's not looking particularly great or happy.

   Katsuki flipped onto Eijirou's page instead because something about Mina's was making them feel ill. Kiri had only a handful of photos on his account. Two were reposts of Crimson Riot magazine covers, and another was a mirror selfie of Eijirou pulling a funny face. Bakugo relaxed slightly. His boyfriend was adorable, that was something positive to focus on. A new song began playing.
   Another of Eijirou's posts is of him and Kaminari, drinking tea at a café, flashcards and highlighters lay on the table between them. If anyone can make dim-light, no-motivation Denki study, then it's good old Kirishima.

   The final photo includes Katsuki himself, which by default, sort of ruins it. It's a photo from one of their dates. Kirishima's peace sign is visible, but apart from that, Eijirou wasn't really included in the picture. It was of Bakugo, really. And he was standing there with his ice-cream, licking up the drippings, in his own world. They stared at themselves for a moment. Why had Eijirou bothered to take a photo like this? He himself wasn't even in it. It was just some stupid picture of Katsuki licking an ice-cream, what's so special about that?
    What's so special about him?
   The knot in their stomach tightens. They switch off their phone and sit upright. No more age regression bullshit. No more pathetic crying. No more nonsense. Katsuki stood up. It had been quite a while since they'd done it, but the sight of themselves in the mirror made them sick. They needed this stress to disappear somehow…

   Kirishima yawned. Feeling lonely, he wanted a little bit of company. After yesterday's events, he's also inclined for a second apology to his boyfriend. Because it really, really feels like his fault. It seemed odd, however, that they didn't want him to help them change. Bakugo had appeared rather young, and Eijirou was afraid they wouldn't be able to do it themselves. Getting changed was a large task for a child.
    He walked up the stairs. Katsuki had been young alright. The lack of speech proved difficult, and it's arrival certainly knocked Eijirou's confidence about this whole age regression business down a couple of pegs.

    He stood at Katsuki's door and tapped at it with his fist.
   "Aye, dude, can I come in? I just want to hang around, we don't have to talk." He said. There was a sudden thumping noise, and a classic Katsuki curse from within the room. Eijirou raised an eyebrow.
   "You, hi." Bakugo stated, awkwardly, head swinging round the door. Kirishima nods, flings it open, and goes prancing inside.
    "Me, your favourite." He grins. Katsuki wanders over, crashing onto the bed next to him. He's wearing a red hoodie. It looked big on them, different compared to their other well-fitting clothes.
    "I want a hug. And you look like you need one." Eijirou says. He grabs their wrist, and attempts to pull them in. Katsuki's nose wrinkles, and they tug their arm away.
    "I don't need anything." The blonde mutters, leaning against his boyfriend, and hugging his arm. Eijirou sighs, kissing him on the head. His eyes drift, and he spots a couple of tissues sitting in Katsuki's bin. They're dappled red. Eijirou tries not to let his frown form. Something is giving him a catastrophically bad feeling but he can't place it.

   "Are… Is everything okay?" Kiri prompts. Bakugo nestles his cheek against his boyfriend's shoulder.
   "Of course, it is, idiot." Katsuki responded. It was his usual Katsuki type of grumble, but Eijirou could tell there was something underneath. He weaved his fingers through Katsuki's hair until he could hear their heart rate slow. He took another cautious look at the tissues. That was definitely blood. Maybe Bakugo had a nosebleed. Yet, it was all planting a huge twinge of anxiety inside of him. He wanted to ask but feared he'd be perceived as rude. His boyfriend was obviously going through something right now, and Eijirou didn't want to add to that.

   "I'm sorry if I influenced you to regress yesterday. I don't know if I was acting appropriately." Eijirou says. Bakugo's eyes flit about, and he groans.
   "Not your fault, Kiri, now shut up." Katsuki replies. Eijirou nods. But what about those tissues…
   Eijirou hauls Bakugo onto his lap, and peppers kisses on his face.
   "Are you sure it wasn't my fault?"
   "Positive, now shut up and let me kiss you."
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A/N: little bummer of a chapter really but... I originally wrote this whilst trying really hard not to fall asleep, the proof reading got this saved lol