The Heart Exchange (bnha agere)

Chapter 20: Pancakes And Such

Cws: frank discussion of self harm, possibly triggering word choice, guilt
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   Kirishima wakes up at seven in the morning, goes on a run, and takes a shower. He can't stop feeling bad about grabbing Katsuki's arm like that - he didn't do it on purpose. And with what he knows, the idea of not being able to keep his boyfriend happy is weighing down on him. That was the purpose of the run, and the cold shower - to clear his mind. It helped just a pinch, letting his thoughts settle. When he gets back, he fixes some pancakes for the two of them. Saturday is for relaxing, not stressing.
   Eijirou walks back into Bakugo's bedroom. He sets the plate of pancakes on the desk, and draws the curtains. Sunlight spills into the room, highlighting Katsuki's pale skin as he rests his head on the pillow. His hair is even more of a mess. They look so calm, and oblivious to life's problems when they sleep. Eijirou lays down beside them. Maybe it's a bit weird to stare at someone while they sleep, but seeing them so peaceful is comforting.

   "Morning, lovebug." He says, Katsuki's eyes opening, the boy letting out a gigantic yawn.
   "Mm… Lovebug? Shut up, Kiri…" Their morning voice feels like a warm mug of tea. Kirishima smiles at them.
    "Aw, come on, you like it when you're little." He teases, Katsuki shuffling closer, and burying their face in his chest. "I thought you'd wake up little." Kiri says, taking in his boyfriend's smell. "And I made pancakes." Bakugo rubs his eye, and kisses Eijirou's neck.
    "Sick." He murmurs. He shuts his eyes again. Because this time, he remembers what happened during his regression time. And it makes sense to him now. He knows… That Kirishima knows. They don't want to think about it, but that's… It feels selfish. Bakugo hates dealing with their emotions. Yet, he knows Eijirou's probably worrying about it, and he hates to see him uneasy. Kiri grabs the plates from the desk as Katsuki sits up.

   Bakugo nibbles at the pancakes. He's not hungry but he refrains from dropping that information on Kirishima. His boyfriend made him something and he wants to show he's at least a bit grateful. "Um, so," Eijirou says after finishing one of his own pancakes. Katsuki slips his hand under his bedsheets, and squeezes his hand around his baby blanket as a support. This can't be an easy conversation. "I… Well,  you know that I love you, and… Um. Bakugo, I just…" Eijirou's lip quivers. Bakugo puts his plate on the floor. Kiri doesn't know what he's doing, but it seems worse than that. Eijirou is not self conscious about crying - he knows it doesn't make him less manly - and Katsuki has been aware of the fact that Kirishima uses it to help soothe his emotions. So when was the last time Kiri cried? Though as the question appeared in Bakugo's brain, they watched Eijirou hang his head.
   "Bakugo, why do you…" His voice cracks, and Bakugo feels a wave of guilt. They never thought anyone would find out, so they never considered how it'd affect other people. They haul Eijirou into their chest. "Why do you hurt yourself?" The boy whimpers, crying into their shirt. Even a run, and a cold shower wasn't enough to disperse all of his worries. Bakugo hushed, and kissed him. They didn't want Kiri tears, especially not about this topic.
    "Quiet, idiot, I'm okay. I just spend too much time thinking about the wrong things." Bakugo says. Eijirou peers at him, eyes wet and red.

   "You said sometimes bad things happen, and… And you don't know what to do." Kiri cries, hugging Katsuki as though they might vanish at any second. "Why didn't you ask me for help?" The memory returns then, and Katsuki wants to kick himself. Why is little him so stupid? Why would he ever say that? It's more evidence to say his littlespace ruins everything. If he kept it to himself, he could keep Eijirou from a freak out like this. He didn't want to hurt him, or scare him. His boyfriend didn't deserve it.
    "It's… Not that easy, Kiri." Bakugo argues gently. "I didn't want this shit to happen. You think I'd want anyone to know about this? That I cut myself?" He's apparently been too frank, as Eijirou violently shakes his head, and lets out another cry.
    "Can you stop… For me?" Kiri asks. The sentence makes Katsuki wince. Such a silly thing to say, though it makes sense. Students don't get much mental health education.
    "That's not how it works, Kiri. Sometimes I can't just stop." They explain, giving him another kiss on the cheek.

   Eijirou wipes his face, letting Katsuki brush his hand through his hair. Bakugo reaches round the bed, and picks up Captain the dragon - the one he'd been so strong in affirming Kirishima's ownership of. "Don't worry about me, idiot. I'm not gonna do it again." He says. He can't be sure of such a bold statement, but maybe it'll make Eijirou feel better. Katsuki holds Captain to Eijirou's face. "If you ever start freakin' out about it," Eijirou accepts the dragon into his arms. "Then just give this guy a hug." Bakugo tells him. They grab Sparky, and the two boys press the dragons' noses together. Kirishima giggles, eyes finally twinkling again.
   "They're gay, and they're in love." He chuckles. Bakugo plants a kiss on his nose.
   "Ew." Katsuki smirks, watching Kirishima gasp.
    "How could you say ew?"
    "They're gay."
    "You're being homophobic right now." Katsuki just smiles at him, and the two embrace, Captain caught between them.
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A/N: give Kirishima a break, the education system is so broken that sometimes teenagers don't even get taught half this type of crap