The Heart Exchange (bnha agere)

Chapter 16: His Boy

Cw: explicit references to self harm, anxiety, impure regression, upset little
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   As it turned out, Bakugo didn't come down for dinner, and Kirishima was left to eat with the rest of the class. Denki set aside a bowl for them. Him, Mina, and Sero all questioned their lack of a presence, and Kirishima told them some line about Katsuki feeling ill, which he could assume wasn't entirely false. After replaying the scene in his head a few times, Eijirou came to strongly regret his use of the word "impossible". It probably wasn't smart to label people like that. He shouldn't have said it because he didn't mean it - it just sort of slipped out. But he also wasn't expecting Katsuki to react that way. Eijirou finishes his food, and takes Katsuki's bowl, staring apprehensively up the stairs. He takes a deep breath. It'll be okay.

   Kirishima walks up the stairs, and down the hallway. He pauses outside of Katsuki's room, hyping himself up. And when he's gathered enough courage, he knocks on their door. It doesn't take long for them to open it. Bakugo's eyes meet him as he pulls open the door, and gestures for him to come inside. Eijirou wanders in, setting the bowl on Bakugo's desk before sitting on the bed. The laptop is open beside him. Kiri catches a look at the screen before Katsuki shuts it. It's some compilation video of Allmight. "Hi." Kirishima begins, eyes falling to his lap. Bakugo sits next to him, pressing his leg against his. It reassures Eijirou that he hasn't screwed this up permanently.
   "Sorry," Katsuki says, before Kiri has the chance to say much more. "For being in a shitty mood with you… And for uhm… For snapping. It was really stupid, and I'm sorry."

   Kiri rubs his leg against his boyfriend's. "Thank you for apologising, but I wanted to apologise too. You're not impossible, dude. I was just losing my patience. I didn't mean it all." Eijirou says. Katsuki's digging his fingers into his black sweatpants.
   "Do you… Are you gonna break up with me?" Katsuki mumbles. Kirishima stares at him, trying to catch their eye, yet Bakugo's gaze is bolted on the carpet. They're seriously asking this question? Eijirou feels slightly uncomfortable from it. It was a single argument; why would that lead to such an outcome?
   "No, dude, no way." Kiri replies, gingerly placing a hand on his boyfriend's. Katsuki's shoulders relax. He really thought that was a possibility, huh?

   "I don't want to push you, but I'm getting worried." Eijirou says, softening his voice. Katsuki leans against him. The room feels calmer now. Because they're here together, and it's okay. "I want you to be happy, baby, like, more than anything ever. So is there anything you want to talk about, or do?" Eijirou asks. Katsuki's head is so close that his hair is tickling his nose. They let out a sigh, eyes finally breaking from the floor, and drifting to Kirishima's hand settled on his.
  "I just…" He mutters. "Shi… Shit, I just," His eyes slit, and his hand rushes up to wipe at his eye. "Kiri, I wanna be little." His voice cracks, and for the brief second his eyes meet Eijirou's, Kirishima's heart very almost breaks. Because they look so sad.

   "Alright, baby." Kiri brushes a hand through their blonde hair as they cuddle into his chest. "You can be little, don't worry about anything anymore." He says. It's difficult not to show how upset he is - he doesn't want to scare them.  This is the first time Bakugo has asked to regress like this, and Kirishima wants to help in any way he can. Katsuki's put his thumb in his mouth, and he keeps wiping at his lashes to prevent the spill of any tears. Kirishima grabs the bowl of food from off their desk, and holds a spoonful of it up to them. "I think you should eat something, yeah?" He suggests. Katsuki sniffs at it. Kirishima can ignore how bizarre it would be to spoon feed them, because how on earth could he care about something as silly as that right now? For all he knows, his boyfriend could be falling apart. Bakugo reluctantly opens his mouth, and Kirishima pops the spoon in. They don't manage to eat more than four spoonfuls, but that's something.

   Kirishima puts the bowl back on the desk, and kisses Katsuki on the forehead. Their attempts at distinguishing their tears aren't working very well, as a couple stray ones have run down their cheeks. Kirishima wipes them away, cupping their face in his hand. "You can cry, baby. It's okay if you need to cry." And when he says that, the remains of big Katsuki disappear, and boy bursts into tears. Eijirou holds him on his lap, rocking him gently. It lasts longer than Kirishima is comfortable with, but when it does stop, he peers around for the tissue box. He is confused to find it holds no tissue.

   Eijirou stares at his boyfriend huddled on the bed, sucking on his thumb, face wet. Then he turns to the bin beside the desk. More tissues in the bin. Like the ones from before, they are tinted with a browning red. And Eijirou leans against the wall for a minute because he suddenly feels ill. "All… All your tissues are gone, kiddo." He murmurs, voice plagued by a shake. Bakugo pulls on his sock, nodding slightly.
   "Yeah."
   "Do you know why?" One wrong move and he's ruined everything. He knows he should wait till Katsuki's big to do this, but it's hit him all at once, and he can't bear the thought he might be right about this. Bakugo rubs his eye. His stare goes off somewhere that Kirishima can't find, and then it comes back.
   "Sometimes… Bad things happen, and I don't know what to do." He mumbles.

   Eijirou tries to swallow the rock in his throat, as he heads to the bathroom to grab some toilet paper. When he comes back, Katsuki's laying on his back, waving his hands around in front of his face. Kiri leans over him, dabbing his face. He plants another kiss on their nose, stroking their forehead. His baby. Bakugo simply stares back, hoodie string in his mouth. "Can I have blankie?" He asks. Kiri nods. Bakugo can have the whole world if he wants.

   After the arrival of dearest blankie, everything seems a little more okay. Kirishima puts on a children's show on the laptop, and watches over Katsuki, giving him the occasional kiss on the head. Every ten minutes or so, they'll turn their head from the screen and outstretch a hand towards him, and cry for "Daddy". And each time, Eijirou holds his hand, squeezes it tightly, and whispers in his ear how much he loves them. He does that whilst hiding the hollow feeling he has gained. It's important to know, but it's shaken him up. He doesn't even realise it's pressing on 9:30 till he notices Bakugo is having trouble staying awake. "Come on, gotta brush our teeth." Kirishima sighs, shutting the laptop.

   He stayed in Katsuki's room on his own terms. He had this sense of needing to be a constant presence now, that he didn't have before. Bakugo stumbles over to the bed - he can hardly stay awake. Kirishima switches off the light, and helps the little one into bed. "Good boy." He whispers, nestling in next to them, feeling the comfort of their warmth against him. Bakugo's blanket is squished between them. Eijirou runs his fingers through their hair, and listens to their breathing slow. "My good boy. I love you."
   Katsuki's hand finds his.
"Love you too." And he's out like a light, breathing gently, not a single nightmare to be found. Kirishima falls asleep three hours later.
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A/N: I UH UH- look I'm both sorry and not sorry for writing this, I promise it gets happy again soon but this is the plot I chose so... I can't believe this is like, the longest chapter I've written so far and it's angst *actually sobbing*