The Heart Exchange (bnha agere)

Chapter 15: Cloudy

Cws: arguing, references to self harm
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   "Are you listening?" Katsuki asks. Kirishima pulls out one of his earbuds.
   "Yeah, sorry." He says. The two are sitting on the floor in Eijirou's room, textbooks and flashcards spread out between them. The lights are dim for a soft orange glow, and it's showering lightly outside. The rain spatters the window. The air is still - lack of a breeze letting the rain fall without disruption. Bakugo's eyes drift to the window. They've been trying to talk about the album they've been listening to, but Eijirou's attention has faltered, no matter what he says.
   "If you're not interested, you can just tell me to shut up, you know." The blonde comments, fiddling with the string of his hoodie. He's not exactly glad about keeping Kirishima awake last night. They know they should have just gone back to sleep, but it was hard for them to be smart; three year olds aren't known for their maturity or complex thinking.

   Kirishima frowns, pulling out his other earbud. "What?" He kept falling asleep in class today, something that bombarded Bakugo with guilt every time he noticed it. "I am interested." He says. Katsuki rolls their eyes. Kirishima is too kind to them. Katsuki doesn't deserve him at all. All they do is ruin kind people, and they don't want to do that to their boyfriend.
   "I promise, I am interested in what you're talking about, baby."
   "Don't call me that." Katsuki murmurs. Eijirou opens and closes his mouth a number of times. Bakugo glances back down at their flashcards. He hates making these stupid things. The rain outside becomes heavier, eliciting a tapping across the window.
   "Are you feeling okay?" Eijirou asks. He's shuffled closer, so the two have their legs touching. His hand slips around their waist. He's so warm, and alive.

   "Don't, Kiri." Katsuki pushes their boyfriend's hand off of them. Eijirou sighs, placing his hands in his lap. For once, he looks a little speechless.
   "Okay, well, how about we… Go shopping?" He says after a silence. "There was something I was thinking you could get." Katsuki's forehead creases. What? Sometimes Bakugo thinks Kiri has this innate need to shovel irrelevant conversation into perfectly decent silence.
   "What?" Katsuki asks. Eijirou shrugs.
   "Uhm, like… Like a pacifier or something, I guess. I don't know, since you…" And he keeps talking, but Bakugo zones it out. A what? Has Kirishima officially lost his marbles? Bakugo can't bear the thought of going into a public store, and handing a pacifier over to the cashier, and just… Letting that happen like it's normal and not totally mortifying?

   "What the fuck? No. Why would I do that?" Katsuki snaps. Kirishima's voice trails off. Bakugo hadn't realised he'd been mid-sentence when he'd spoken up. The redhead rubs the back of his neck, and Katsuki can't do much but wait for him to reply with something likely equally as embarrassing.
  "I meant I would come too." He argues. "You're always chewing on things when you're little. It makes sense, doesn't it?" Katsuki shakes his head. It feels weird for Kiri to try to tell him about his own littlespace as if he wasn't already aware.
   "Why are you in a mood, anyway? Sorry, but I'm the one who got half as much his usual sleep last night." Eijirou continues, slightly irritated. Bakugo can tell this is turning into an argument, but part of them doesn't care.
   "I'm not in a mood." Bakugo grumbles, chewing his hoodie string. His wrist still hurt.

   Kirishima's hand crossed their leg. "I told you not to touch me." Katsuki hisses, getting to his feet, and stuffing his flashcards back into his folder.
   "Oh, come on, don't do this." Eijirou groans. "Can't we just talk about this?"
   Katsuki shakes his head. In his mind, they already have. He feels crappy, and he wants to get rid of all that crappy in his room, where he can clean the blood up alone in privacy. A pacifier? Yeah, sure, maybe when Katsuki loses all their self respect. Eijirou's ticked them off, but they're angrier with themselves. Kirishima is allowed to be snappy, he hardly got much rest.
   "Dude," Eijirou leant against the bed, hands running through his bright red hair. Katsuki tries to ignore how genuinely annoyed he looks. "I swear, I'm trying to help you, but you are impossible sometimes, Bakugo, geez…" He groans again, covering his face.

   Impossible? Impossible. Yeah, okay. There's only a brief candle light of anger as it's dampened by cold sadness. "I know." Bakugo states. This draws Eijirou's attention. He squints at them, half shocked at this blunt agreement. "Sorry." Katsuki mumbles, grabbing his textbook, and walking to the door.
   "Bakugo?" Katsuki ignores him, and walks down the hallway to his room. Impossible, impossible, impossible.

   Kirishima tidied away his revision materials, and sat down on his bed. He had an awful feeling from that interaction. It's not pleasant to argue with Katsuki, but that ended in a way that made Eijirou particularly uncomfortable. He's used to them being on the defensive about themselves, but at the end, they just… Well… Gave up? Yes, their behaviour was aggravating, especially as Eijirou's lack of sleep lowered his patience, but it felt like there was something seriously dark festering inside of them that he hasn't fully picked up on. He definitely feels bad about his word choice. Because Bakugo isn't impossible - he's just a complicated person with a lot of things going on in his head. Kirishima lays down, listening to the rain outside. He'll cool off, and after dinner, he'll try this conversation again. Despite what Katsuki said, they are his baby, that's for certain.
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A/N: me after writing more unbearable angst into my fics: ( ˙꒳​˙ )