Versailles Series Book 7: The Ballerina [COMPLETED]

CHAPTER 49

=== A L E X A N D R I A ===

Juan Miguel lighted up the bonfire before sitting beside me. The evening has been great so far but we needed to do this. We had a deal. Silenced passed by before I decided to finally start with the talking.

"Everyone thinks I'm the best ballerina eight years ago. I had a lot of offers locally. But my ultimate dream was to be a prima ballerina in Paris. Before I met you, I breathed everyday just to pursue that.

Then I met you and everything changed. My world started to revolve around you. I have never been so happy. You were a perfect boyfriend. You never missed my shows. Showed up on time. Always drive me around even if you don't like being outside. Introduced me to your family.

It was perfect. But when I'm alone, when I'm practicing, I always wonder. Hanggang dito lang ba ako? Hindi ko na ba itutuloy ang pangarap kong maging prima ballerina sa Paris? Magiging kuntento ba ako na nasa tabi mo araw-araw habang iniisip kung magiging masaya ba ako sa ganoon? I always wanted something more out of me. I don't want to wonder and regret not trying anything.

I applied to Paris without even thinking that I'll get accepted. And they replied a year after. I almost forgot about it. I felt guilty for not telling you. I should have, I know that now. It wasn't easy letting you go. I know you weren't ready. I wasn't too. I didn't know how to tell you because no matter what, it will be painful for you.

I still remember how you looked like when you found out about it. You're the last person I wanted to hurt. But it was time to come clean. We both know how that ended.

I came back a year after. Your grandmother bought me tickets to go home. My director gave me three days to return or I'm out of the program. I was put in the position to choose between you and my dream again. I went to the party when you were officially announced to be the heir to Riocht Pharmaceuticals.

It was so unreal to see you again. I realized how much I missed you. I wanted to hug you and kiss you like I always did. But I was too late. I saw you and Georgina that night. I watched how you moved on from me right before my eyes. It was painful but it's the price I had to pay."

Kumunot ang noo nito. "I didn't see you. I thought I did. But you weren't there when I looked for you."

"I didn't want to ruin the moment so I just never showed up to you. I felt embarrassed to tell you because I left you for my dream only to come back after."I felt my cheeks heat up. "Then 8 years passed and I learned you were single. I followed you still after that. Reading articles about you. I just can't bring myself to let you go. They called me crazy and desperate and hopeless."I looked into his eyes. "That's why I came back. Because I still loved you. Were you really getting back at me? Was the proposal a lie too? Hindi mo na ba talaga ako mahal?"

He shook his head. "I overheard you that night. That you were going to Paris again. When I asked you about it, you still didn't tell me. You didn't bring it up after. I thought...mangyayari nanaman iyung nangyari noon. When you didn't tell me you applied for Paris. So...I asked Georgina to help me. It was dumb and stupid idea. I deserved all the punches they gave me."

"Punches?" I looked at him. Who would punch Juan Miguel? He looks capable of defending himself.

"Your ballerinas. They gave me a punch and a kick...a few rounds of that to let me know how dumb I am. But to answer your question, everything I showed you was true. I really wanted to try things with you again. I felt happy again for the longest time. Like having my first sip of water after being trapped in the middle of the desert. But I had reservations. In the back of my mind, paano kung iwan mo ako ulit habang lunod na lunod na ako sa iyo? Paano kung iyung mga plano ko para sa atin ngayon, hindi ko nanaman magagawa kasama ka?

Those 8 years wasn't easy. Some say that I should move on fast kasi lalaki ako. That I shouldn't dwell on the pain for so long because I'm a guy. Na ikaw ang nawalan kaysa sa akin. But I dealt with the pain on my own. Guys have feelings too. So I worked endlessly. I drank alcohol to oblivion. I suffered insomnia for years because closing my eyes at night bring these painful, excruciating feelings and memories.

I didn't date anybody after Georgina. I didn't feel any connection with her no matter how I tried. And the women that came after didn't come close to you. It frustrated me that even after everything that happened, I still find myself thinking about you. But I didn't want to fall for you more by doing that. So I made myself remember why I shouldn't love you again.

All of my pin codes and passwords contain that number combination. It's the date on your acceptance letter in Paris. It helped me not forget...that my greatest love left me." He scoffed at himself. "It was pathetic. But it worked. Everything was fine until you came back. And I knew instantly that it was all just a mask. Beneath all that tough and strong facade was the guy who was still mending his heart and missing you." Ginagap nito ang kamay ko. "I don't deserve you. Hindi na dapat kita sinaktan."

Napatingin ako dito nang pahirin nito ang mga luha ko.

"I'm sorry for causing you tears again."

I shook my head and tried to smile. "I'm glad we had this conversation. And it makes me happy that you loved me for real all this time. The first time and the second time."

"And I still do. Seeing you everyday still makes my heart skip a beat. You always brighten the spaces that light doesn't seem to reach. You bring happiness to all the gloomy places. And you have thawed my cold and frozen heart. I still love you, Alexandria. I didn't know love can be this painful."

Hinaplos ko ang mukha nito. "I'm sorry too, Juan Miguel. For hurting you before. For giving you the idea that you're not included in my plans. For leaving abruptly before. I have always loved you. Hindi naman mawawala agad iyon eh."

Niyakap ko ito. He hugged me back tightly. As I looked at the moon, my heart aches knowing that this is all we'll have. Because I am too scared to let him have my heart again.

CHAPTER 50 >>