Jadina: A love story

The winner takes it all.

I sit in the shower staring at the blood dripping down my stomach. The blade is still in my hand. Tears sting my face just as the hot water stings the area that had just been cut. Scars are left where I'd cut my wrists and stomach before but I do my best to hide them. they are a reminder of how weak I truly am. You're nothing, you deserve the pain I tell myself. you should've fought harder for your son I chant. The running water masks the sobs that I choke out. how did I get to this place of being so empty inside again? I ask myself over again. Then I remember, Im weak and don't deserve happiness.

Once the cut stopped bleeding I step out of the shower and try to compose myself. I wrap up in the big fluffy towel and walk into the bedroom. Across the hall is Walkers empty room I feel a pang in my chest every time I see it. I throw on a sweatshirt and sweat pants I dry my hair a little bit and flip the television on. I become distracted from the world around me,

My thoughts distract me from falling asleep. They first go to Walker and how he's doing without me. I have no reason to believe that Taye wouldn't do unto Walker what he did to me. The thought of Walker getting hurt at the hands of his father makes me shudder.
I would take a thousand beatings before he had to take one of them. I try endlessly to forget about the possibility of that even happening but I can't skate the thought away. I slowly fall sleep into a restless slumber

(Dream)

"No daddy please don't hurt me again," I hear my baby boy scream out from behind the door.

I walk into Tayes trashed apartment and am horrified. Walker is curled up in the corner crying loudly Taye is obviously boozed up. He walks over to the crying boy and tears into him with his belt. My little boy is crying even harder.

"Taye please stop he hasn't done anything," I plea trying to get between him and my son.

"Out of my way," He growls while pushing me to the side.

He continues to beat my baby senseless. By the time I get any view of Walker he is unconscious. I crawl over to the bruised beat up now lifeless boy I pick him up and lay him in my lap I then check if he has any pulse. It's too late my baby is dead.

(End of Dream)

I jolt awake tears are flowing down my face. In covered in cold sweat because I am shaking so hard. I think to myself that was the worst nightmare I'd had in a long time. I fear that my son is actually in that situation. the thought of it makes my blood curdle, I remind myself over and over again that it is only a dream but the fear of the unknown takes over.

I try unsuccessfully to go back to sleep. Knowing what I need to do I pick up the iPhone off my bedside table and dial the number to James phone. I hear his muffled voice on the other end greet me with "Hey sweetie are you okay?"

I don't know what to answer because I didn't want him to worry but then I remember why I called him in the first place "Not exactly," I reply

"I'll be there in a little bit" he says half frantically half sweetly.

I lay in bed until I hear a knock at the door and sure enough my amazing boyfriend is at the door in his pajamas a worried look on his face. I break down the second I see him. "It's okay baby just sit down and you can tell me what you need to," he says smoothing my hair down.

" I had a bad dream" I choke out feeling like a child "it was Taye h-he beat my son and even though I asked him to stop he didn't and Walker died," I respond my voice becoming even more weak

He wraps his arms around my shaking body. "It's okay Taye didn't do any of that to Walker he is tucked into bed having sweet dreams," He tells sweetly into my ear "Babe I love you but your drenched why don't you take your sweatshirt off," He informs me.