Freen&Becky (I need you more than I want to) S1

Our friendship

FREEN'S POV

We became even closer after shooting GAP the series. She was like a little sister to me or so I thought. she was my best friend.

I told her everything and she did the same. we had fun going on tour talking about our lives, our hobbies and our dreams.

We went to different countries on tours and this made us spend a lot of time together which brought us even closer.

Becky was my soulmate. we were friends, good friends. I mean best friends. I always wanted to be around her and tell her everything.

She's the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up in the morning and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed at night.

And I thought it was all because she was a good friend of mine but I started realising that it was much more than that.

I get jealous when I see her around others. I didn't want her talking to anyone except me. 

I didn't want to her looking at anyone except me and I didn't want anyone being friendly with her except me.

was this really friendship? how can I not want my friend to be around anyone else? Why would I always want to be around her.

why can't I stop thinking about her and why do I always want to have physical body contact with her all the time?

Although my character as freen was portrayed as someone who was scared of ghosts. in reality, Becky was the one who feared ghosts. She hated sleeping alone and so most times when were on tour, she always slept in my hotel room.

Since Becky hated sleeping alone, the director suggested that we be placed in a room having two separate beds.

that way we would be together in a room but at least in the comfort of our beds but Becky refused.

she wanted to always sleep next to me which I actually enjoy if I'm being honest.

She loves cuddling and always requested for it from me which I always gave her.

We once had a show in Bangkok. Amazing crowd, everybody cheering as they screamed our names.

After the show, we went to our hotel rooms and as usual Becky came to mine because she hated sleeping alone.

This was one of those times that I wanted to be alone. But I could not reject her offer. I can never say no to Becky.

Becky came into my room putting on a night gown. She looked really good in it. Whenever I have this feeling, I hated being around her because I could not control my emotions.

As usual she put on a smile and slowly got on the bed. She slowly crawled towards me. When she got to me, she rested on my chest.

I was lying with my back on the bed when she did this and so I slowly turned to the side spooning her.

Becky :

you seem really quiet what's running through your mind

Freen:

nothing I just..   I just want to...  I  just want to go to bed that's all

Becky:

Alright let's go to bed then. if that's what you want

Freen:

Ok goodnight baby

(I always call her baby because she always acts like one)

We were quiet for a while and then Becky fell asleep but I could not sleep. I didn't know what this feeling was but I was trying so hard not to kiss her, caress her body and spoon her even tighter.

I'm always aroused when we shoot love scenes in GAP. And whenever I'm around her this feeling always comes back.

though not all the time but this was one of those times I had this feeling and wanted to stay away from her.

She saw me as an elder sister and although I knew how I felt about her, I didn't want her to notice this feelings, not even a bit or she could push herself away from me.

I love Becky and although I know my feelings for Becky were romantic,
I was ready to shut down these feelings if it would lead to me losing her.

I would kiss her passionately during the set of GAP.  I sometimes even used tongue. But I place it all on the excuse that we have to do it perfectly and make it seem real.

But that was just an excuse because I was really kissing her from my heart and not just acting.

When we were done with kisses during the shooting of gap, she would laugh and say stuff like

"wow that was really hot. I felt like you actually meant it and not that you're doing it for the cameras "

( Of course I mean it. I love you Becky and not just as a sister. I love you in a romantic way. I always have wet dreams about you but I'm scared that you don't feel the same way. I'm scared that if I tell you how I feel you might move away from me and that is why I don't want to tell you that I'm actually going crazy about you )

In the bedroom in Bangkok, I couldn't control myself.  while we were cuddling, I started sniffing her.

Because she was fast asleep I felt like she won't notice. I sniffed her for a while and then I started moving my hands all over her body. I move myself closer to her and made sure that my entire body was on our body.

I looked her up at her to confirm that she was asleep and then I started sniffing her neck. She smelled really good and the more I inhaled her body scent, the more I wanted to do it again.

I couldn't control myself and I didn't even realize that I was already kissing her on the neck.

When I left fantasy to reality I was shocked to see Becky's eyes open.

Becky:

What are you doing freen?

Freen:

Nothing. I... I...  I'm... Jus.... just a little cold so I hmmmm..... Just leaned in a bit closer to you. I'm sorry if you don't like that.

Becky:

No! no! no! of course you can do that.

(Becky moves even closer to me and put my arm cross her body  as she gave me a peck on the cheek and went back to bed.)

That was really close. Of course it was cold because it rained but what if that wasn't the case.

what excuse would I have given to her for doing all that to her. oh my God. I have to control myself more. I can't lose her. I really care about her. I want to be in my life. 

if she even have a  glimpse of what is going on in my head, her attitude towards me will change and that is what I don't want. I love the Becky I know now and I want to keep her by my side forever.

To be continued....

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