Genesis: the Beginning and the End | Band of Brothers

【Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ ６８ － Ｈｏｗ】

Chapter 68 - How

Peggy didn't know what to think, what to do, what to feel.

As she left the building, she let the cold envelope her. But she didn't really feel it. It made her skin tingle, but she didn't feel anything else.

When outside, she ended up standing in the middle of the street. But she wasn't seeing anything. It was there, but she didn't take it in. Peggy was just staring into space.

Then she decided she'd go have a lie down and lit another cigarette as she wandered in the right direction.

Normally she kept the cigarette packs whenever given them to give smokes to people who she wanted to leave her alone. But here she was, a quarter of the way through a pack of Lucky Strikes. The taste was kind of growing on her, the feeling was good. She just wanted to float away like the smoke and disappear.

Climbing the stairs seemed so much harder today.

Dropping and then treading on her cigarette once upstairs, she drifted towards her bed and fell face down into it. Maybe if she smothered herself it would all just stop.

Now alone, Peggy couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop the thoughts.

Couldn't stop any of it.

It just hurt. So much.

But the funny thing was, a small part of her had once speculated this might happen. It was nothing more than a what if scenario conjured by her wildest imagination. But then it was true. How it had ended up that way, she didn't know. It had to be a horrid joke.

She was trying her best to be quiet.

But she couldn't be face down on her bed forever, she needed very much to breathe. So she turned her head sideways and let the tears run across her nose. Peggy didn't look out the window. Didn't really look. Couldn't face looking.

Heavy footfalls on the creaky wooden stairs didn't make her flinch or even move to stop crying. Either she hadn't heard or couldn't bring herself to care anymore. It didn't matter anymore.

The door opened.

"Thought I'd find ya up here."

Still she didn't move.

Instead, she listened to him move through the room, listened to him pause before he reached her bed, probably at the completely untouched bed with a scarf on top – just below hers. Then he did something that surprised her.

Bill sat on her bed.

In the space where her legs curved from when she had rolled onto her side. She didn't remember doing that.

"Hey Doll, if ya need anything..."

No response. And Bill sighed.

But not long after she moved fast as lightning, and had her arms round his torso, legs either side of his, forehead to the back of his neck.

Peggy just breathed.

Trying to calm it all, slow it all down.

"Want me t' turn around?"

"And get your boots all over my bed?"

He could feel her breath against the back of his neck because she'd lifted her head at his question. It made him shudder. Just a small one. He didn't know if she noticed.

"Ya wanna turn around instead?"

There was no answer, so he bent forward, pulling her with him and making her shout, to undo his laces and pull off his boots.

"C'mon, either let go so I can turn around or turn around."

Reluctantly, Peggy's arms unwrapped themselves from him, and her legs followed suit. Using the meagre pillow as a cushion between his back and the rusting bed frame, Bill sat at the head of the bed. In the end, Peggy's legs were wrapped around his waist, arms snaked under his and her head against his chest. He was warm.

"How could she say that?" He didn't know what Peggy was talking about, but figured she'd elaborate at some point. So, as he waited, he rubbed her back soothingly. "How could she say that about her son?"

Bill hadn't been expecting that.

Not even a little bit.

Never in all his wildest dreams.

He'd figured she'd be focusing on what her mother had done to her.

"It isn't his fault. He's just a bit different. Why should he have to be labelled a criminal? When was love a crime?"

Uh...?

Oh.

He thought he had it straight in his head now. Ripley.

Ah.

Right.

"Is that why-?"

"Yes."

She couldn't let him say it. It would hurt too much to hear someone else say it. Because, despite what she'd assured Ripley, he'd abandoned her and it hurt. It affected her so deeply. But regardless of the pain, she missed him. More so now that she knew he'd been alive the whole time.

Maybe she could just stay like this for a little while, and forget the world existed, forget everything that happened.

Peggy needed a smoke.

Looking up from where she'd laid her head, she removed her arms from around Bill and went straight for the pocket with a pack of Lucky Strikes and his lighter. Before getting one out for herself, she offered Bill a cigarette – which he took – and then lit it for him. After lighting one for herself and taking a drag, she whispered into the smoke.

"I hate cigarettes."

He let out a quiet laugh, and the pair watched the smoke in silence for a little while.

"Why're ya smokin' then?"

"Because it feels nice. Tastes and smells vile but feels good."

She rested her cheek on him once again, and he rested his chin atop her head.

"Not really what I was asking, doll."

The warmth the cigarettes brought spread to her face, and she didn't know what to do. So Peggy didn't do anything, just stayed in his arms and smoked. Eventually, both cigarettes were dead, and she turned to rest her forehead against his chest again. He lifted his chin for her to do so, and when she was comfortable, gently rested it on her head once again.

She started crying soon after.

All Bill could do was be there for her, and he rubbed her back, and murmured comforting words to her.

His touch was so light it almost wasn't there.

And through the tears and hurt and confusion, Peggy had one thought that was completely different from all of that:

How on earth had she hated this man?