Genesis: the Beginning and the End | Band of Brothers

【Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ ９４ － Ｈｏｕｓｅ】

Chapter 94 - House

She did not agree with what was happening. But had no room or power to stop it.

All she could do was not be a part of the problem, so Peggy stayed outside. And she stayed silent as German families were forced out of their house for the night. Instead she watched the smoke from her cigarettes curl in the night and screamed apologies in her head. But she stayed silent.

When the houses were cleared, Peggy refused to sleep indoors. Captain Ron Speirs even attempted to order her inside. But instead of saying yes sir and complying, she looked up from where she sat on some steps, almost squinting at him. Was he serious?

Undoubtedly.

"No."

"I'm your commanding officer. You don't have a choice."

"You're their  CO, not mine. My CO's in London somewhere, probably writing up a false report about my actions. Like she'd know anything about what's happened to me, what she's done to me."

Ron sat next to her and they looked at the stars on those steps.

"She?"

"Didn't I tell you? My mother."

"Oh. Yes, yeah."

It was quiet for a while, and Ron got out a pack of smokes and offered her one. She eyed it warily.

"You don't believe the stories do you?"

Peggy sighed and looked back at the sky.

"That's the thing, I don't know what to believe anymore. In some ways it'd almost be a blessing if you shot me, then I wouldn't have to leave the company. The only issue with that is that the entire Company would kill you when they found out."

Still he held out a cigarette for her, and so she took it, and leaned over for him to light it. And as she inhaled and let the nicotine wash over her, she felt him watching her.

"Something you said. Earlier you said I wasn't your CO, implying you weren't apart of the company. But then you said you didn't want to leave, suggesting you were."

Peggy sighed, watching the exhaled smoke climb higher and higher until it disappeared. She felt light. Good.

"I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. But I don't want to leave. I've nowhere to go. And once I leave, I die."

"I think you belong here. You fit so well with the men, and they'd do anything to protect you. You'd do anything to protect them. You're perfect here."

Humming, she took another drag and looked down at her boots, pulling at the laces with her free hand.

"How...How do I..." Peggy sighed and scrubbed a hand over her face before trying to continue. "Ron, how am I supposed to say goodbye? How am I supposed to tell them they'll never see me again? That I'll be dead by the time they get home?"

She'd never called him Ron before.

"The men or the officers?"

"Everyone. Everyone...my brother included, Bill and Joe included. Every single person still breathing by the end of this." Ron nodded. "I've mentioned it to the guys before. I don't think they believe me. Fuck. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so tired. Why couldn't I just have had a normal childhood?"

Cigarette long since dead, Peggy laid down on the steps. Not comfortable.

"It's just one night. Come inside."

"No. I practically lived wild in war torn France, and fought in Bastogne. What's a night outside in Germany in the Spring?"

She wouldn't sleep in that house. Didn't want to even go in. She would not be a part of the problem.

So Ron left her to it.

And so, there on the doorstep she sat, alone. Thinking. Letting her mind run, letting tears fall as they came.

How could she say goodbye? How could she give them up? When had she become so selfish?

No, Peggy didn't think she was selfish...not very selfish anyway. She hoped she wasn't selfish. Oh, she wasn't sure! She didn't know.

What the fuck was she going to do?