SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING BUT I GOT LOCKED OUT IF MY ACCOUNT SO I AM UPDATING NOWWW!!!!
Gibbs walks in, leaving the wooden door wide open.
"Come on Ziver," he offers his arm. I hug Jenny one last time before taking his arm. we walk out the door and out of the corridor in silence. Like clockwork, we walk out the back door into the black car which Gibbs always drives. "you alright?" He asks me softly. I nod and look out the window. He finally pulls up outside the house where I shot my brother. We walk into the living room and Gibbs pushes me down on the couch before going into the kitchen. He comes back with a sandwich and a glass of water. My stomach twists at the idea of eating.
"I don't think eating is a very good idea." I suggest as the food is placed on the table in front of me.
"Ziver, they said that there was no sign of you eating anything for weeks. Why is that?" He asks.
"I wasn't hungry." I say quietly. He reaches out to touch my shoulder and I flinch back. My walls go up like a mask and I stare blankly at the wall.
"Okay,okay. explain to me what a Mossad wall or barrier or whatever you are doing is!" Gibbs sounds frustrated.
"It is like a shield, it blocks emotions, feelings, and anything that makes you human. You turn into a living robot, mechanically working, your mind only focusing at the task in hand or blocking someone out." I say, speaking for the first time in a couple of hours. Gibbs uncharacteristically pulls me into a tight hug, engulfing me in his sawdust and bourbon scent.
"Eat." he passes me the plate which is a big sandwich. I take one look at it and quickly shove it off my lap onto the table and walk into the bathroom. I sit by the toilet and dry-retch, throwing up my stomach acid. (I guess science homework pays off lol) Once my stomach has stopped flipping, I sit on the toilet lid and place my head in my hands. I walk over to the door and lock it securely before searching the cabinets for razors. I eventually find one and yank the blade out of the razor itself. Rolling up my sleeves, I unwrap bandages and place the metal silver blade to my skin. I slowly drag it across the bottom of my wrist and watch the blood drop into the sink. I cut further up my arm until my whole arm is covered in blood. Quickly washing off the blood of my hands and blade, I place the blade outside the window so it can't be found or traced and reapply my arm bandages tightly. I then walk out of the bathroom, pulling the sleeves down by my fingertips where Gibbs sits with the TV on, watching an old Western movie. I bite my lip and sit next to him, chin touching my knees. Arms wrapped around my legs. Nothing could be more perfect.
GIBBS POV!!
I switch on the TV box to drown out the noise of Ziva throwing up. I feel useless, I can't help her or do anything. God knows what that son of a female dog must have done to her when she was in his care. I keep my eyes on the screen as Ziva comes back in and sits next to me, tucked up into a little ball. After a couple of minutes, I look over and see her peacefully asleep. She looks so innocent and young, her dark and blonde two toned hair framing her heart shaped face and dark brown eyes. We should never have left her that long at Mossad. She's like a daughter to me now. so I will protect her no matter what. I lay her skinny frame down on the sofa and chuck a blanket gently over her before taking the full plate of food into the kitchen and outing myself a beer. I walk downstairs to the basement and get my wood supplies out. Oh, Ziva.
