My Name Is Evie

Feelings

*Evie's P.O.V*

My whole plan of not seeing Lady Dimitrescu again didn't work out. She still wanted to check on me every day and apparently hadn't kept her mouth shut about the fact that I kissed her cheek. I only knew that because Cassandra came to visit me to tease me about it. Even Bela and Daniela came by to tease me about it.

It was like everyone in the family was against me. I refused to spend time with any of them after their teasing, preferring to spend time with Lei and Horse. Lei and Horse had formed an unlikely bond that was just Lei riding around on Horse when she didn't want to fly around. In return for Horse carrying Lei around, Lei would eat the bugs off of Horse's back.

"I wonder if the bugs are like the girl's cousins? Is that how that works?" I asked as I tilted my head with a small frown on my lips. Lei cawed at me when I asked the question, not seeming to understand the question. She was a really smart bird but she was still just a bird at the end of the day.

"No, that is not how that works," Mother Miranda's voice made me spin around to look at her. I didn't want her around me, she still made me wildly uncomfortable. I had managed to avoid her quite well in my opinion.

"Why are you here?" I asked with a small frown on my lips. Lei made a small hissing noise which I didn't even know crows could make. She had moved to stand on my shoulder while looking at Mother Miranda. It seemed Lei was more attached to me than she was to Mother Miranda.

"I was here to visit Alcina so I decided to check on my latest experiment," Mother Miranda said as she approached me. Lei flew up in the air as I morphed into the shadows, appearing behind Mother Miranda and spinning around to face her. My hand twitches and tendrils of shadows reached up to bind her in place.

"Stay the fuck away from me Miranda," I said as focused on the shadows, wishing to see Mother Miranda bleed. I was surprised when the shadows actually tightened and managed to draw blood from her wrists and legs. My surprise caused my attention to waver and my control of the shadows slipped and they quickly let go of her to return back to their regular shadow form.

"Sometimes I question why I made someone so insignificant as you one of my experiments," Mother Miranda started to say, making me flinch slightly at her words, "but then I see that fire in your eyes and you remind me that perhaps it wasn't a waste to use the Cadou on you."

"That would matter to me if I actually cared about your opinion," I said simply. My eyes burned with anger and determination.

"Oh but you do," Mother Miranda said as she turned around to face me, approaching me. I stepped back, trying to avoid her touching me but she grabbed my chin, tilting my head to look up at her. "My opinion matters to you and you that it does," she said.

"I don't care about your opinion, you bitch," I managed to say as I held her gaze, feeling that familiar insecurity in the back of my mind start to raise its ugly head. I hated how she could affect me so easily, it made me feel so weak and helpless.

"Yes you do, I can see it in your eyes," Mother Miranda said. "You rely upon the opinion of others because you don't hold a high enough opinion of yourself. You think of yourself as the most disposable thing in someone's life, something to be tossed away at a moment's notice," she stated. Her words seemed to twist a knife into my heart but I managed to hold her gaze without showing anything. I would kill myself before I showed her how her words affected me.

"Is that what you think?" I asked as I tilted my head, refusing to look away from her gaze. If I backed down now, I would look weak.

"It is what I know," Mother Miranda said as she let go of my chin before leaving the stable. Once she was out of my sight, I collapsed to my knees which were shaking just like the rest of my body was. I hated Miranda, I absolutely hated her.

She made me actually think about my thoughts and why I thought that way. I didn't want to confront how I felt, I would rather just ignore them and hope that the feelings eventually faded away.

I disappeared into the shadows, forming again once in the house. I just sat in the library, my knees pulled up to my chest as I was lost in my thoughts. I felt tears burn my eyes as I got more and more lost in my thoughts.

I only snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Lady Dimitrescu clear her throat. I looked up after a moment, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. I hadn't even noticed that the tears had started to fall down my face until I was snapped out of my thoughts. Lady Dimitrescu sat down next to me, wrapping her arms around me without another word.

"I hate Mother Miranda so much," I whispered into her shoulder as she rubbed my back lightly. Most of the time I would have hated physical affection but right now I desperately wanted it. I clung to her with a small whimper escaping me as she rocked me slightly.

"Most people do," Lady Dimitrescu said simply as her fingers combed through my hair.

"I don't like the feelings she makes me feel," I stated.

"I don't think you like your feelings ever darling girl," Lady Dimitrescu said, making me pout slightly. That was true but she didn't have to say that. How dare she point out that I didn't like feeling things. That was just my feelings towards things. I huffed as I turned my head into her neck, hiding my face as she continued to rub my back.