Faded (Walker Series Book 1)

Chapter 13

Savannah's POV

It's been a week since I got that letter and the ring I gave him as a gift, a week of his disappearance with no trace.

It feels like I'm in a trance or a dream and someone will just wake me up, I've been with Tony ever since then and he hasn't let me leave his sight.

"Savannah you have to eat something, you've not had something solid to eat for day" he says worry lacing his voice.

I'm sitting down on my couch looking straight at the TV in front of me but I don't know what's playing, my thoughts are far from being here.

"Have you been able to get through to him"? I ask avoiding his pleas of me eating.

I don't want to talk about anything unless it involves Alex coming back to me.

"You can keep going like this, think about your child. Anna please stop doing this, he left and knowing Alex, he's not coming back"

"No" I shake my head and try to keep my tears in check, don't they understand that I can't live without him.

He's my life and I'd do anything to have him here, even if it means getting rid of my child, I know I sound awful just saying that but that's how desperate I am to have him back with me.

I thought I could have this child and save our relationship all at once but I was wrong, it was always a matter of choice.

"I know you're hurting, it shows how much you love him but you're only doing more harm than good by not taking care of yourself" I just drown out the rest of his words and I try to think of my life if that dreadful night hadn't happened.

I'd probably be getting ready to wed him, the love of my life, but here I am pregnant and broken.

I know I've lost weight and I probably don't care, I'm not even myself right now and it's killing me.

________________________________________

Two weeks, that's how long since I've seen him or heard from him, I wake up everyday to see Tony sprawled out on the couch in my bedroom.

It's been one hell of a week, I feel dead inside.
I mean I'm carrying another life but I feel dead inside, ironic.

Mom has come around a few times to get me to eat or go out but it still doesn't change anything, i still miss him.

I hope everyday that I'll wake up and see him looking down at me like he used to before that night.

I'm taken back to one of those times I'd wake up and catch him staring at me

*FLASHBACK*

I slowly open my eyes and I'm met with those mesmerizing brown eyes staring down at me with a mischievous glint

"What" I rasp out trying to take control of my morning voice

He just smiles and shrug as if to say nothing but I know it's not nothing

"It's rude to stare, don't you know that" I say trying to get a response out of him

"I'm not just staring at anyone, I'm staring at my fiance, that a bad thing baby"? He asks cocking his brows at me.

Very cocky bastard, I roll my eyes at him.
He leans over and peck my lips but before he turns it to a full make out session I back away, he gives a questioning look.

"Morning breath baby, trust me you don't want to be hit by mine" I say trying getting up but he pulls me back and I land on him.

"And when have I ever cared about that baby"? He whispers into my ears, his morning voice giving my whole body a rumble "I love all of you baby, in and out" he kisses below my ears and blush crimson red.

"Whatever your highness, I still need to freshen up okay" I say pecking him and getting up to the bathroom with a smile on my face.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

My tears are full on pouring right now and it's taking a lot of self control in me not to sob out loud because I'm afraid I might wake Tony up.

I get up and open the door ever so silently and I make my way downstairs to the kitchen.
My mind is foggy with thoughts and I'm just like a walking corpse, thing love does to us.

I'm standing at the kitchen island with a bottle of aspirin, I'm not having a migraine or any sort of headache.

Yes I'm planning to overdose on it, what's the point of living when I'm not happy.
A live where I'll be said forever, that's how my life is and will be without Alex in it.

I'm sobbing, trying to calm my racing heart.

"What the fuck are you trying to do"?! Tony yells out, I didn't realize when he came down and even standing right in front of me.

He rushes over to me and snatches the bottle from my hand and makes my pour out the aspirin already in my hands.

"Are you crazy"?! He yells making my cry even louder, I'm trying to pick up the fallen aspirin like a mad woman and he hold me up with so much force that I'm snapped out of my daze.

"You're trying to kill yourself because of Alex? Do you think this will change anything"? He asks anger evident.

"I don't care!! just let me end it"! I scream

"Well I care, mom and dad both care, are you insane Savannah"? He tugs at his hair in frustration.

"You're pregnant for fucks sake and you don't even care if you harm your child? Are you that foolish, if you kill yourself Alex isn't coming back" Tony is angry and he doesn't try to hide it.

"Even if you don't care about your life don't you care about this child, huh? What about mom, what do you think she'd do if she finds out you did this to yourself, what about me"? His voice more in control at the last part.

"You don't understand that if you die, we'll all be devastated, we'll all be in pain Savannah, you think it's gonna be easy for all of us to stand and watch you get buried"? He's hurt and I can tell.

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair with his back to me, I'm just Standing there with tears running down my face like a deer caught in the headlights.

He turns back to face me and he looks pissed but in control.

"You know what Anna, I'm not gonna stop you, if you think taking your life and that of this child will give you a happy ever after then be my guest" his eyes are red like he's fighting back tears, he pushes the bottle back into my hands "here take it".

With that he walks out and I have no idea where he's going to, I rest my back on the island and drop down to the floor with tears streaming down my face.

I can't believe I almost killed myself, a son breaks through my whole body and in shaking violently and thoughts run through my mind.

What will happen if I had taken this overdose?
I wanted to die for Alex but was he ready to die for me?

Suddenly I realize I had been a fool beating myself up for someone who was probably somewhere having fun or worse in the arms of another woman.

All this isn't worth my tears or life, I'm going to survive and I'm going to work on forgetting about Alex because my child needs me now more than ever.

I had stopped taking care of myself since he left, no hospital check ups, I stopped eating and now I look scrawny.

I wipe my tears and rush upstairs to see if I'd find Tony there but I guess he left already because there's no sign of him here.

I have a lot of apologizing to do to him, mom and dad.
I've really been ungrateful these past two weeks without even realizing it.

I'm gonna go see them later but for now, my body needs food and rest.
The eyes bags aren't just gonna disappear.

That's my girl, clean up and forget about douche bag Alex 😩😩

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