Serendipity//Billie Eilish

0.29

Yohan found herself in Hawaii a few hours later. Her body taking her to the field that her and Billie had first made love in. Yohan sighed. She left California to escape Billie and here she was reminiscing about their first time. Yohan felt hopeless.

Drew kept calling her phone back.

She answered once to let her know she was okay once she landed and to ask her if she could let Ella know she loved her even though she would be away for a while before promptly hanging up before Drew could even respond.

She wanted so badly to talk to Ella again but she couldn't bear to call Billie's phone and hear her voice. It hurt too much. She was glad that Ella had happened to be near Drew when she had first called before she made her flight.

"Hey babygirl."

"Hi mama!"

"Ella, I'm going to be away for a while."

"What do you mean?" Yohan could hear the pout in Ella's voice through the phone.

"I have to go somewhere for a bit, so I can't see you for a while." Yohan answered.

"Why mama? You sound sad."

"I'm okay babygirl, don't worry. I'll see you soon okay? I love you so much. Put your auntie back on the phone," She had eventually said, she couldn't keep talking to Ella without wanting to run back to her so she had to get her off the phone.

Ella knew something was wrong with her mama but handed the phone back to her auntie anyway after telling her mama that she loved her too.

"Yohan what the hell?" Drew had immediately said. The phone had been on speaker and she had heard the whole thing.

"Where are you?"

"I need to get away for a bit Drew, take care of my girls." Yohan finished before hanging up, not letting Drew respond.

"Yohan!" Drew had shouted into the phone before realizing Yohan had hung up on her. She was going to strangle her best friend for that.

———————

Yohan had fooled herself into thinking Billie might still have feelings for her. She thought their night had been special but Billie had just went home to her husband and let him touch her afterwards.

It made Yohan want to throw up, or to punch something. Or someone. But he had won, Yohan had no right to want to punch him. Billie had always been his, even before Yohan had woken up.

She needed to let Billie go.

It started raining. Yohan couldn't find it in herself to move. She let the rain wash over her and for the first time in a long time, she willingly let the tears fall. Finally accepting that she had lost the love of her life.

She spent a month at the island. Distracting herself by taking photos of the locals and the scenery. Her camera had probably accumulated thousands of photos of the flower field. She hated herself for it because even if Billie wasn't there, Yohan imagined what she would look like running through the field.

Drew called often but Yohan would ignore her calls and text her instead. Usually with little paragraphs for Ella to read, asking Drew to show them to her daughter.

Zoe left many voicemails threatening Yohan saying that if she didn't come back soon she was going to murder her in her sleep when she least expected it. Yohan stopped listening to them after the third one. They reminded her of Billie's voicemails too much and she just couldn't take it.

She almost broke and bought a plane ticket when she saw she had voicemail from Billie a few days later. She was so close to going back to California once she heard it.