Differences

Chapter 20 - Luke

You are warned, this chapter is now officially the longest one I have written - over 2000 words for reference (hehehehe, sorry not sorry). So I do recommend reading when you do have time on your hands. 🤭

Warning: the idea of child neglect is mentioned within this chapter. Please read what is comfortable for you.

And maybe get yourself a tissue or two. It may or may not come in handy. 💗💗💗

Enjoy reading!!!🫶🏻🫧

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There, I said it. Something I would never dare to admit in front of anyone else. Something I would much rather deny than acknowledge. That actually, I was a weak fuck. That really, I was nowhere near ready to take over my father's role. That I was in no way, shape, or form, worthy of leading the empire that my family has ruled successfully for generations upon generations.

And I was a coward, and a shameless one at that, seeing that I just admitted that I was one.

She didn't say anything. But she continued to gaze into my eyes. I couldn't determine what she was thinking. Was it pity? Was it sympathy? Or was it disappointment?

They would all be fitting.

She breaks our eye contact, slipping off the high stool that struggled to get on in the first place and silently asked if she could stand in front of me. But I didn't want her standing in front of me. So, instead, I picked her up and placed her on the counter, now she was looking down at me. I liked it.

Taking a deep breath, she cups my face with her tiny hands and once again, those beautiful deep brown eyes locks with mine.

"What you're doing is enough. You are enough. I'm more amazed that you're already capable of doing these strenuous tasks. You are already doing tasks that goes beyond your age or experience. So, it's ok if some or a few tasks take a little longer than others, or if some tasks are a little beyond your scope. It's ok to take time. It's all ok. You are doing a great job.", she calmly expressed

And I didn't know how to express how I feel.

My family has been the most supportive people in my life. They have always assured that I could take my time, that I was on the right track, but I still felt the overwhelming load that continued to weigh down from me. And that made me feel like a spoilt privileged dick.

I always had sought for validation. Whether that was validation on my physical abilities in martial arts, using weaponry, organisation skills, leadership skills, or even academic validation. But as time goes by, the constant reminders from people to do well decreases and it was all up to me to uphold those validations. I couldn't just leave it with my parents being satisfied, I had to be satisfied. And these few months, I found it unbelievably difficult to be satisfied with anything I do. There was always something missing that I could never figure out.

But those words, those words, had filled a part of me that I didn't know was hollow and empty. Maybe . . . was she the something I had been missing?

I tried to form words. I really did. I wanted to express that I was thankful. Beyond thankful. But there were no sufficient words that could express it. Why was English my weak point?

So, I did what my stupid muscle brain knew best. I gently brought her down from the counter and onto my lap, taking extra care no to hurt her in any way. I wrap my arms and I just hold her. Hoping, pleading that this awkward gesture could make up for the unavailable words I had for her. As though she understood, she too wrapped her own arms around my waist, allowing me ease from the tension of worry or rejection.