Differences

Chapter 21 - Alaina

New Chapter!!!

Warning: This chapter does explore eating disorder. Please read what would be most comfortable for you. And please also take good care of yourself

Enjoy your reading time🥰

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I didn't expect myself to be sharing about my siblings to anyone. Much less Luke.

But it all flowed out so . . . effortlessly. It was easy, and there were no hesitation.

Besides, he too, had opened a bit about himself that I would have never known. It made me respect him all the more. He understood his importance as the future leader of his family, this world, this empire, and his efforts were remarkable.

He was nothing like my father who simply felt entitled to his position being the first male born, putting little to no effort at all, although no one would ever dare to mention that.

But it was true.

Where the Taylor's utilised their authority bonded by trust and loyalty, the De Luca's , or specifically my father, emitted their authority by inflicting pain and torture.

There was hardly any trust.

It was do as you are told or be gone, for good. And not just yourself but your family too. Both direct and extended. Which meant it wasn't just that one person dying, it usually counted to over 20 people being killed.

It was a family massacre.

Anyone who comes in contact with the De Luca's were tied down to this family, for life.

It's not clear if this had always been the case, I wouldn't know and no one would tell me otherwise, but it was clear that everything had turned for the worse when my father took over the role as the Don of this empire. Everything was upscaled, to the extreme end. Houses, headquarters, information rooms, torture rooms, torture methods, torture hours, the list goes on.

I was even personally given one. My own torture room.

For me.

But not for me to use. 

And it'd be an understatement if I say that I was glad to have moved here. Where there is freedom, where I have choice, where I was safe. And the people here are just so sweet. They were all loving.

But I couldn't help but feel guilty. 

They would always put in the effort to ask if I'd like to dine with them together for dinners or take me out to lunches, shopping, brunches. But I always declined.

I didn't have the courage to eat in front of people that actually cared about me. I didn't have the courage to tell them that I didn't want them to waste their money on food I wouldn't touch. I didn't have the courage to tell them that I couldn't go in clothing stores without envying them and hating the way I look in those exact same clothes.

I didn't have the courage to talk about myself.

Not that I didn't trust them, I trusted them more than I trusted myself. I had no doubt that they would probably do anything in their power to help. But I was a coward. I feared rejection, from the only people who had made me feel valued.

And a stupid, a ridiculously stupid part of my brain, didn't want to get better.

There was an ugly comfort in knowing this form of normalcy. Part of the usual, part of the routine. One I have lived through for almost ten years. The idea of getting or trying to get better scared me. The change in routine. The change in my body. The change within me. 

And thankfully, my request to eat by myself was respected and no one really pried further, although Luke takes me around the bars and clubs and makes me try a few things. Trying it was hard, it scared me. But then it would taste amazing, and my hands couldn't help but take another, and then another. But by the time we get home, I found myself in my ensuite, fingers down my throat. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and just a plain stupid liar. To Luke, to his parents, to his siblings, his family. This family. And myself.

How I wished to have be born in a family that cared about me. A family that would look at me with warmth in their eyes. A family that actually loved me.

But self-pity doesn't change anything. It only makes you more miserable than you were a couple minutes ago. Besides, it doesn't change the fact that I still loved my siblings. I missed them.

I grab my phone from my desk and hover over the call button. Would she pick up? I tap it anyway and let the line ring.

One ring, two rings, three rings,

She picks up, "Yea?"

"Hey Lily, how have you been?"

"Same old same. Boring. You?", she casually replies, clearly sounding bored too.

"Haha, right. Yea, it's been good. It's actually been very good." I reply

"That's good. You always look miserable here anyways. Any missions?"

"I went on a couple. One major, the rest simple ones. Do I look that miserable?"

"Yea you do. Anyways, why'd you call?"

"I just missed you and the twins. By the way, how are they?"

She begins to complain, and I couldn't help but smile, sometimes, it feels like Lily was the oldest sibling talking about her dumb younger siblings, "Annoying as ever. Daniella wouldn't shut up about her gun and new make-up set and Leon is always arguing with Dad about something, but I have no idea what. Probably about some new development of drugs or something I don't know. Oh, by the way, Dad said something about you reporting to him. Did you do that?"

Oh shoot. I completely forgot about that.

"Oh, no, actually, I haven't." I stutter

"Might want to do that. But then again, he said he'd contact you soon or something. Maybe wait till then?"

"Yeah, I'll see."

"Yea."

"Well, its good to know you've been well. I'll call you again later alright?"

"Yeah ok. Bye."

"Bye" And the line was cut off.

I was completely screwed. This was the whole idea of my parents sending me here. My father knew that the Taylor's were starting up something major, but they had no idea what. To be honest I myself wasn't too sure about the details either. All I knew was that Luke was given a project and that in itself was important. And if what Lily said was true, that would mean he is wanting answers soon.

Very soon.