Fated

12 - Confuse

Mile

I nearly laugh looking at my son and my husband. My son really replicate what ever my husband do. But since i know he is angry, i try to hide my smile but my grandpa just laugh out make my husband blushing.
I know he will confront me after bobo sleep and i am preparing myself for that. He look so piss off and reluctance to comply to my plan.  He firmly remind me of  my position in his life and make it clear that i crossed the line. I try to act calm but i felt really hurt. I cant felt any bonding from him. He treat me like a total stranger. I know i promise him that, but honestly i felt i cant let it happen. He is my responsibility, there is no way i let him suffer. His husband is billionaire. I can pay for any penalty and in fact i am the major share holder in his company now. Its a easy task for me to change or reschedule his jobs schedule.

With my feeling hurt heart i walk to my study. I look at my girlfriend picture and hug her tightly. Hold me tight dear, hold me tight i keep asking her. I love her so much. I want it to stay that way.  I dont know what happen to me but i am gettting away from her. I am changing. I can feel it. I am really scare. I really cant control myself anymore when it relate to my husband. I am sorry i slowly said and close my eyes. I dont even cry for her anymore.  I am sorry dear.. i am sorry.

Hi baby she finally come tonight.
Sweety, how are you.. why you are leaving me i ask her with a tears.
She just smile and hug me tight. She so beautiful and bright tonight. I am sorry i keep appologize and she just smile and hug me. Say something, scold me like you always do i beg her to talk.
I miss you. Dont leave me again. I keep forgeting you when you dont come to me like always.. i need you i said again and hold her hand tight. She slowly hold my face and kiss me softly.
Its been 3 years. Lets end this. I know you love me and i love you too she softly said. No i said angrily pushing her away. Go if you want to talk about this i said coldly.  Please baby she softly hold my hand. Please listen to me, my son need someone who love him. And you my love, need someone to love too she said with a tears. Please let me go, listen to your heart. Your new love already there. I am praying everyday for you to open your heart. I am tired too. You promise to make me happy. I will be happy and in peace if you are with him. He is sincere guy and love our son so much. I cant decribe how thankful i am she explain. No i interupt her. No i said again and hug her tight. You promise not to leave me. You cant. I said and cry.  Please my love she slowly plead me. Let me go, i am hurting here she cry softly. Please let me go, i will never doubt your love, i will love you and our son all my life. Please be happy. I know you can happy with him and  please take care of my son she plead. No please dont leave me i beg her.. dont leave me. We both hugging each other.  I am hurt and tired she said and look into my eyes.. i will always praying and looking for you.. if you love me, please live a normal life.  Please she said and getting blurry.. no no please no i scream and awake from my sleep. I hug her picture frame tightly. Please baby please i said slowly with all the tears.

I have been waiting for her in my dream. But this is not what i expect. She use to come everyday and i can get thru my life with the little dream i have. Beside bobo she is also the reason i still alive today. I try to sleep hoping she will come again  but i cant. All i can do is staring at her picture and try to calm myself.

It already dawn when i felt calm. I slowly walk to our room to check on my husband.  He look uncomfortable and sweating. I touch his forehead. Luckily he have normal temperature. He must be dreaming . I slowly touch his hair and hold his hand. I am trying to be there for him. Bright i call him softly. Then he suddenly open his eyes and look at me. Phi he said and hug me. Its ok, it just a dream i try to calm him down. After calm down he slowly leave my body and look really red. Sleep a bit more, its still early i said and tuck him in. He nod and close his eyes. After a few moment i can see his slow and calm breathing. When i am sure he is sleeping. I walk to the couch and start checking my document. There is no way i can sleep and rest after the dream. I only can rely on my work to  get thru my day now.

Honestly i just stare at my file and keep on thinking. My girl never request or beg for something. She always the giver. She just love me for who i am. She never take for granted with the status i have. The most gracious women i ever met. She so soft and understanding girl. I will never find anyone like her. This is her first request which is so cruel and hard for me. Both of them are really differ. I dont know weather i can love my husband or not. I know i care for him but love, i really dont know. Not even once i think about that. I just felt responsible and its my duty to care about him. I look at my handsome beautiful husband. I just dont know.