Char, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.
also our golden guard will instead be using she/they/zey pronouns instead of anything but he/him
4364 words
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Char stepped forward into the cave, a light glyph illuminating her path, as a monster began laughing. "Foolish child! Leave this place, before you meet your demise!"
"Do not underestimate me, Garlog. For I am the good witch Char, hunter of monsters." She aimed Ollie like a rocket launcher. "NOW EAT THIS SUCK- what?" Garlog is instead very tiny instead of super huge, so Charlie picked him up by his neck. "You're Garlog?" Void looked at the poster of a much more intimidating monster. "This is pathetic."
"Small I may be, but you soon know fear when I lay waste to all that you-" King ate Garlog.
"King, drop it now. Drop it now!"
Instead of dropping it, King ran away and Char ran after him. "Drop it! No! I'm not gonna play right now! King!"
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Char put Garlog in a jar and then propped her recording phone on said jar. "Hallo, Mutter!" The demigirl began. "You haven't heard from me in a while. It's been a week and a half since the petrification ceremony. A week and a half since I-" Nervous laughter. "Destroyed the portal home. I had to! Emperor Belos was going to kill Carmen if I didn't hand it over, but I couldn't let him use it, so I blew it up with some magic fire." They sighed. "She's not gonna understand any of this. That's okay, Char. Just keep moving forward. This world is full of inexplicable magical wonders. Like this portal key!" It pulled said portal key of it's pocket. "I don't know if it contains magic, but I'm gonna study all I can and find a way back to you. And look!" Void held up her leg, revealing King clinging to her calf. "I have friends to help me!"
"I'm never letting you go! You're never returning to the human realm!"
"He doesn't mean that."
"Yes, I do!"'
We cut over to Char recording Mama Carmen. "This is Carmen the Owl Lady, the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles." Carmen then proceeded to fail to magically pour some apple blood. "Or at least she was. Until her curse overpowered her and weakened her magic. They're doing their best now."
She's now recording Sasha. "Carmen was cursed by her own sister, Sasha, and she spent her entire life looking for a way to undo it. It's still hard for everyone to trust each other, but, maybe with time, we can all become friends."
"Hello!" Hooty appeared in the window, Sasha screamed bloody fucking murder and slammed the window in Hooty's face.
Back to recording Carmen. "Even though Carmen gets frustrated, they've found new ways to make for their lost powers." Carmen is now holding a weapon. "Check it, Char! A new hunting weapon! I will call her the Stab-Catcher." Lmao imagine not giving your weapons human names.
"Without the portal, Carmen has no human garbage to sell, so we've resorted to working odd jobs to keep food on the table."
"Hey, King, did you know that apple is a hat?"
"Really?" King put on the apple like a hat. Char then proceeded to save King from murder, but don't worry! Carmen still got a bullseye.
"This week we're bounty hunters. Next week, we could be anything!" Okay, Barbie. Anyway, Char's back to recording herself. "So, mom, please don't be scared. I'm growing more and more everyday and I'm gonna do my best to become a full-fledged witch and get home to you safe and sound. Ich liebe dich, Mutter. Ich verspreche dir, ich bin bald wieder zu Hause." She then sent the video and of course, it didn't go through. Just like all the other ones.
