Why I HATE the Color GREEN.

'Sometimes life is hard.' {C.2}

       I didn't always hate the color green. The color green was a happy place for me. It reminded me of the fun parts of life.

The green markers I ate when I was little, the green bubble containers, the buds on my grandparents tree, the water balloons my dad would throw at me, the green shirts that didn't fit me all the way.
Of course I didn't hate it. I loved it.

                       Green used to be my favorite color, it made me feel happy inside. I would smile when people remembered my favorite color was green, and then they'd get me random green things. Like a green and white pencil for my birthday! Or knowing to give me a green ruler for math class.

But now?
Now I hate the color green. I hate who it reminds me of, and how, just even when I say "Green", my stomach turns in disgust.

Today is a new day at this school, it's fine because I know people now. I have a small group of friends, but that's fine.
I suppose that I don't really need that many friends to survive in this school... anyways!

This tech class is kinda boring. So I use my phone, it's been a few days.. now me and that kid I have a crush on have each-other added on Snapchat and Discord. We don't really talk that much, but sometimes I'll message him.

"Cateee.. wanna pick me up?"
I asked her. She was one of my new best friends, I think.

"Uhh... yeah! Get on my back."
She answered me. I smiled at her and hopped onto her back. She walked me around the room on her back, it was really fun. Was it normal? Probably not. It's weird that middle school kids were being this childish.

"Alright, Carson. Your turn to let me on your back." I said laughing at him. Why did I say that? I shouldn't like him. Nor should I even be friends with him. But god, it's hard to get rid of my feelings.

I tried to ignore it when I got on his back, he held my legs.. and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He ran around the classroom with me on his back, I couldn't stop blushing or laughing about this.

The teacher told him to put me down, so he did. It was such a weird thing to enjoy, or find funny. I shouldn't like him. My best friend dated him, that would be totally against the rules of feminism (help...) so I shouldn't even try it! But still.. I can't get over my feelings for him.

"Cateee, I'm bored."
I said to her, but I don't know if she was listening. She was talking to another kid in the class.
A short blonde.
He was rude to me before, so I don't really like him nor would I talk to him. But it's fine, I guess I can't be that angry at him for something he did a while ago.

Though.. he was being homophobic and transphobic to me. Sometimes life is hard. Maybe I still should be mad. I don't know though.

The class is almost over so I just put my phone away, shoving it into my bag.

I put my bag on my back, then walking around the room, and pulling my crushes hair.. laughing about it. He trying to do it back but I move away from him.

I need to stop feeling this way towards him. How would he react? How would CATE react?

The bell rang, and I fled out of the classroom thinking about that kid. I hate thinking about him, but I like him so much.

       I walked through the halls, swiftly getting to math class.
       I stopped to hug one of my friends in the halls, she was on a different team than me. Our school has these two different teams each grade, it's a bit annoying.. it's fine though. You still see your friends in the halls and sometimes you'll be lucky enough to have a class with them,, like tech class.