Why I HATE the Color GREEN.

{C.12}

happy birthday to you,
            happy birthday to you.

it's finally my birthday. i text carson,

"it's my birthday!!!"
                 and of course he didn't even know my birthday.

he was like "Oh sorry Happy birthday."
how do you end up forgetting your own boyfriend's birthday?? that's so stupid. i was talking about it all week before break.. i know he couldn't have forgot about it. it was planted in his mind; he just decided to make me feel shitty about it.

and of course, i did feel shitty about it.
why was i saying sorry to someone who forgot my birthday? i don't know.
                                             it's whatever. raven knows it way better than him anyways. at least i think she does. i don't know. doesn't she care..?
my head is spinning, i don't care anymore.

it's my birthday.
"be happy." i reminded myself. just ignore him. you have better people in your life.

          cate sends me a message, saying so much about me. i love cate.
cate has always listened to me more than anyone else has. i love her so much, i really want her to know that.           she's literally my best-friend. she gets me more than everyone else.
more than my own family.
                            i love cate more than anyone in the whole world. she's the reason i come to school.
i probably love her more than my undying love for raven and carson.
even if that doesn't make sense. i don't know though.

yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, this day is boring..
it's 12 am.. i guess i'll go to sleep now. i'm tired and my mom is yelling at me to sleep anyways..
i don't get why she's yelling at me though. can't she get it? it's my birthday, and i wasn't bothering her or anything, it;s whatever.

i just wanna be happy on my birthday ..

         Nothing really exciting happened on my birthday, besides me being one year closer to my awaiting death. I don't even remember getting any gifts or having a cake. Not even a tiny celebration until AFTER my birthday. That doesn't count, does it??

I did eventually fall asleep right after. I was tired, but it was my special day.

        I don't even remember my birthday anyways.

The only thing I remember is that me, Raven, and Carson broke up again.
                       
We lasted until New Years though.  I remember being on call with them. Me and my dad watched the ball drop. Raven and I were playing Roblox I think, it might've been laundry simulator. No, it was. I remember.

       After that point- I don't remember much besides us breaking up and me getting so fucking annoyed. I was... upset. I was frustrated, it made my holiday season a whole lot worse.

"I hate th-

-em!" i texted cate, i really do hate them.
          they don't deserve my love.
they honestly don't deserve anything from me.

this is the first time i'm over them.
i'm never EVER getting back with them!!
don't they know about all the pain they caused me? why don't they get it??
can't they get it? no. they probably can't.

they hurt people for fun. they hurt ME just to see the look on my face.

"Carson and Raven can die" was the story on snapchat i made. i started posting bad photos of raven on my story. it was annoying; how come carson can love HER? not me?

doesn't he know that thing could never care for him like me? doesn't he know that i lied about so much stuff because i love him.

i'd be TWICE. the partner she is. but of course, he just doesn't wanna get that. he wants to ignore the fact that i'll be the hottest ex he'll ever have.. excluding cate. but i don't really see her as hot; maybe just cute?

RIGHT. Cate.

she answered me back and said "why do you keep getting wit them?"
i don't know. i really don't. it's because i love them.

And you still do. Don't you?
ugh.. no. this is annoying. i don't love them.

am i the definition of "he bullies you because he likes you?"
.. probably. i don't know.
i don't get why the can't just love me? i'm perfect. i'm the best person they'd EVER meet.
i just want them to love me, i don't get why he can't. why she never could.

i hate them both. i just wish everything would end.

I had wished for a world where I was, happy, and there was no Carson or Raven at all, well... let's just say that Winter break wasn't good at all.

I got suspended for school, which I wasn't that upset about, my parents weren't that mad either. Of course, they were mad for only a day, but they quickly got over it.

I'd rather not speak about my past, and with school coming back up... I think it's time for a new turn on this story.

Lot's of fun stuff have happened since that Winter break, me and Raven are friends again, Carson's out of the picture, I saw Sweeney Todd on Broadway, I went to NYC, I made new friends, might've gotten into more trouble, met new people, dated and broke up, kissed, did a school musical, did a concert, had a few panic attacks, fell in love with multiple people, held hands, kissed again, dyed my hair, got into fights, moved into my attic, got a new computer, got lots of new clothes, tried new foods, slept all night, played games with my friends, watched Raven leave me for Carson, watched my best-friend get with my ex, called a few people whores, made new art, got banned from tiktok, made a new account on tiktok, planned out my entire life with Raven, kissed again, cheated on Carson, found new songs to listen to, got sick, bought more clothes again, threw up, and basically through all of that... I became a new person.
Most of that is all history now.

Besides the Sweneey Todd stuff, I still love it.

Anyways... it's just time for a new twist, a change in my story. Something new, new people, new romance, and new experiences.

For the time being, let's just say.

Have a nice summer. I'll be back soon.

*SEASON TWO. END.*