Why I HATE the Color GREEN.

'E̶N̶O̶U̶G̶H̶ A̶B̶O̶U̶T̶ C̶A̶R̶S̶O̶N̶.' {C.6}

It's Saturday. I'm at my grandparents house now, and it's kind of boring.

     Of course, I'm texting Carson. E̶N̶O̶U̶G̶H̶ A̶B̶O̶U̶T̶ C̶A̶R̶S̶O̶N̶. What.. was that?
Anyways, I love him lots, why wouldn't I be texting him?

He fills me with so much joy!

Me and my grandma are going to get my cousin, Ava from her house. I'm just waiting on the text from Ava to see when she's ready to be picked up.

C: Send thighs

A: why?
A: i'm at my grandparents house rn

C: So go to the bathroom

A: i don't want to
*alex took a screenshot of the chat*

A: ava he asked me for thighs

A: What

A: yeah idk what to do he's being weird about it, he's begging.

A: Add me to a gc with him right now.

Well, this is stupid. Watching a kid fall in love and something so stupid can tear it apart? Something so simple.. broke a heart into a million pieces.

What happened? .. You don't wanna know.
       Okay, fine! I'll tell you.
                             Basically, my cousin, her boyfriend at the time, me, and Carson got into a fight.
It was so stupid, so annoying for what? He said he asked for.. because he "friends wanted to see."
      And then during the fight he was saying "Oh my friends care." , "It was a joke planned out with my friends"

Looking back on this now; it's stupid. It seems annoying. Anyways.

I have some quotes from Carson!

"C: Bro maybe if you had 7 brain cells you would know that my friends actually care and wanna know if I can trust you to tell me if I make you feel upset or uncomfortable and clearly I can't so.."

"C: Bro I'm trying to spend time with my family rn I'm not trying to be a dick I'm just trying to defend my self but now that I know I can't trust Alex to tell me when I make them uncomfortable or upset, I guess we're breaking up and I'm also leaving the group chat"

He makes me so mad, it's not even funny. I know I was being childish but.. what was the point of asking for thigh pics? Damnit.
I let myself get hurt by a shitty person. It's fine. I'll be fine.
Just..-

-Doesn't he get it!? It's not fair. It's not fair at all! All because of this stupid thing? It wasn't supposed to end up like this!

I'm gonna kill him, I'm seriously gonna kill him!
What do I do?? What do I do?!?
Cate, said she can help me beat him up but- I'm not like that.

Nononono. This cannot be happening!
I love him, no, please. He can't break up with me.

What am I gonna do??? I loved him, I really did.

This is just a middle school breakup, it can't be serious. It wasn't even an actual date. Atleast that's what my mom says about it.

"It wasn't even a date, he didn't take you out anywhere."
We could've gone out.
We could've went somewhere together.
We could've been so good together, a cute couple. But no.
He ruined it.

He ruined my life! This is not funny, he blocked me. He fuc-.. He changed me.
I'm never going to be myself again, he's ruined me! Why is he like this?
Why did he do that to me?
Why ME?
I didn't do anything to deserve it. I was nice to him, I cared god damnit! I cared!
I changed myself for him. I really tried.
Maybe he doesn't see how messed up he is.

... He still doesn't. He never will.

God! He's so dumb. Why is he like this?

Because, he hurts people for a living. He doesn't care about you, and never did.

just because i'm easy to be hurt, doesn't mean i necessarily want to be. doesn't he get it?
honestly, i don't care at this point. he never cared, so i won't care either.

Hurting someone is just as easy as throwing a rock into the ocean,
It makes the splashing noise.. and slowly sinks deep under.
But, have you ever just.. STOPPED to think how deep.. it could go? How deep, it could sink down with this fish and the coral?

How deep one action can pierce through the biggest and toughest person ever?

i'm really gonna kill him.. why would he breakup with me!? i didn't even do anything to him! goddamn, he's.. i don't even know.

Maybe I was right about Carson. I didn't trust him. My gut told me no, but my heart, said yes.
As I spent the weeks crying to my friends, and being an emotional wreck whenever he was near me.. it was enough of that.

Things were supposed to play out this way, I'm assuming.
Everything happens for a reason. Right?

Like when you trip and fall down, and you scrape your knee.. that happened for a reason.
Maybe, it's because you were running to fast and fell down! Or- you got pushed?

carson and i.. we aren't supposed to argue like this, but.. it was for a reason! maybe because I was being stupid? or or.. i don't know.

i want him back.

Even though I'm not certain what the real reason was, or what he was thinking when he did it. Damn.

I feel the lump in my throat again, and the tears swelling in my eyes as I try to write this.

I'm crying over him again.
He doesn't deserve my tears.
My respect.
My love.
My heart.
My body.
My mind.
My smile.
My hugs.
My kisses.
My bracelets.
My jokes.
My laugh.
My photos.
My life.
My happiness.
My fate.
My hands.

Matter of fact,
He doesn't deserve anything.

Shitty people don't get things. Well, they don't get good things.
But, nobody else knows about this.
Nobody else knows about how shitty he is.. I mean; besides his other exes. But,

Nobody else knows about this side of him, right? So, of course it's gonna be, "Him? Carson? He would never do that! I know him, trust me."
Just because he's a good student, a seemingly good person on the outside!

Well, guess what,
Carson isn't all what he said he is.

*SEASON ONE. END.*