doesn't Carson hate me or something now?
or, is it that he only needs Raven instead of both of us?
or he has me because he needs two hoes to fuck instead of just one.
or is it that he only keeps me around because two bitches are way better than just one.
he doesn't even like me. he just likes the way my body feels.
You don't see. You never have, you've never seen the way he treated me. You never saw how nice he could be.
You didn't see how he comforted me after and during every panic attack. You didn't see the way he talked to me in a soothing, calming voice.
You see. I miss loving the color green, and I miss not hating it.
He reminds me of the color green.
Carson reminds me of that putrid fugly color.
my head hurts, why do i like carson? i can't even wrap myself around it.
doesn't he love me? No. yeah.
doesn't he need me? No. yeah.
he loves me right? not just my body. No. idk.
i just wanna feel loved, but not like this.
i don't wanna even feel this pain of being near carson.
the pain of feeling his touch on my body.
the way he touched my thighs, and my ass if i didn't want him to.
he never stopped touching me.
He rubbed my inner thigh and fucking said I was "wet". He said I was enjoying it.
i'm just a sick whore; even he called me one before. isn't that all he thinks of me as? he loves me though. he keeps coming back.. so he has to like me atleast a little bit.
He forced my hand onto his hand and then made me push his hand closer to my fucking pussy. He forced me to make him touch me.
He then told me to rub his thigh everyday of the week because he liked it, and if I said no? He would threaten to break up with me. And I was stupid.. I loved him.
Of course, I didn't want him to break up with me.
I didn't deserve what he did to me, and I didn't deserve what he forced me to do.
No matter how many times I said no, or I didn't want to; he still did it.
I hate his voice, or whenever he comes near me just because it reminds me exactly of what he did, what lies he told me,
my hands shake, what is up with this? why am i so scared of everything??
suddenly, tears swell in my eyes. i shake violently and Storm notices.
"Are you okay?" he asks me. i just nod, i pick at my skin leaving red marks on my thighs. i hate feeling like a slut and a whore just because some fatass kid chose to treat me like this.
i'm gonna break up with him.
but. i love him. i can't.
it'll hurt me more to break up with him. or raven. you know how much that'll hurt me?
i can't deal with that. i'm already dealing with so much shit with my family.
my dad already yells at me every single day.
for every small thing i do.
carson and raven listen to me about it though, they understand me.
they have always listen to me.
they care.
YOU ARE READING
Why I HATE the Color GREEN.
Teen Fiction'Why I HATE the Color Green.' This is a novel about my life, and suffering through bad relations, not only dating relationships but relationships with family and friends. Troubles with school, and how I identify affect normal life. How life as a tr...
