Why I HATE the Color GREEN.

'He's A Disgrace.' {C.11}

I want Carson to remember me. I want him to think about all the nasty things he did to me, to make me this monster. 

                                    Let him run away from his problems, we all know he always has!

He's an outrage! He's a disgrace. Now I hear his voice, and I feel shame for him.
                                                          He isn't one of us. He is a monster.

He thinks what he did was okay, and funny.

                     He asked for trouble the moment he came to me. He's not normal like the rest of us.

He's a disgrace.

                                     nobody believes what he did to me. and i can't tell anyone about what he did, or.. will do. they're only gonna focus on me sending nudes to him instead of him downright sexually assaulting me. but that's fine. right?
                                cuz he's the "good" student.

                                       Now you have friends who believe you. But, you shouldn't tell any adults until you're older. Don't let the story come out until later. People won't believe you, especially if you're the older one (by a little bit), especially if people thinks he's a good guy.

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE'S A CHILD LIKE YOU. Just because me and Carson are the same age; doesn't mean he didn't do what he did.
                                                      He's old enough to know that shit wasn't right.
He should be mature enough to know that it wasn't funny. But he wasn't and never will be.

    He will never grow as a person; and he'll always blame you for what HE did.

                                            i sit down in this class, i yawn. it's boring here.
why is science so boring?  i don't know. i put my head on my desk but i get yelled at to lift it up so i listen. why do teachers yell?? especially in front of the class? they could just come over and correct you in private instead of having all heads turn and all eyes stare right at you.

                                                                i guess they just want to humiliate you. it's ok though.

I can't remember much of this school day, besides it being a living hell of sitting with Carson and Raven.
                                          i sit here silently, my stomach is grumbling but i don't wanna eat.
because you know, people want what they can't have. so..

        or it could be because i don't feel like i'm enough for raven and carson. but the fact that i'm hungry and nauseous isn't good.                             if i don't eat i might i might dry heave.

                                                                      i love them.

my head is pounding, and somehow nobody else has noticed that i'm crying. i don't say anything though.
                                          i'm not weak.

ellie walks by, and she notices. funny how my fucking friend can notice i'm not ok but my partners can't.

                                                        "Carson, what the hell did you do?!" she yells at him. i love my friends, they care a lot about me.