Not Just Perfect

What Else Could I Ask For?

*2 and a half weeks later*

~minutes after Alex's child labor~

As I held my new beautiful baby I began to cry. She was so beautiful and there wasn't a scratch on her head. She was perfect. She was not just perfect. I was exhausted but just looking at her woke me up. "Daddy would love to be here baby." I kissed her forehead.
"He loves you so so so much and he knew you'd be perfect." I whispered. I began to go on and on about how great Cameron is and what a good father he would have been. "It's not luck, it's fate." I gripped her tighter in her little pink blanket and cried. Soon enough the baby started to cry and we laid there crying together, just for different reasons. My nurse took her away from me and carried her to the nursery so I could be in peace. I began to drift off into sleep.

*3 days later Alex is released to go home.*

I sat in my new apartment with Cameron in my arms. This was going to be so hard to do myself but I had to be an amazing mother. That is all I wanted to be. I had to do it for Cameron. Both Cameron's.

*flash back*

He sat down beside me, and held me. "But I can't ruin the way that you think.... If I confuse you, you might not ever get to remember... And I need you too remember...for Cameron." I scooted closer, which seemed impossible. "For Cameron." I whispered into his ear.

****

I had received some texts and calls from Jack lately. He was begging to help with the baby and kept saying it was the least he could do. I usually politely decline but this time the tone of his voice and my yearn for help made me accept the offer. So starting tomorrow he would come by at two o'clock in the afternoon and help out with Cameron and would stay till seven at night. It was a long time to be together but I needed help and I needed lots of it. I was excited to see him again because he's a big part of my emotional stability. I mean when my memory was jacked he helped me through it all. I missed him a lot. He was always here to help me. He even picked me up from that crazy party when I was drunk as hell.

*****

~2:06 p.m.~

I heard a knock at the door. My feet slipped down from my coffee table and I slowly walked to the door. I was literally a zombie. With Cameron always crying, I get no sleep. I usually end up crying too. So again, we sit there crying together, just for different reasons. I opened the door to see Jack Finnegan Gilinsky standing on the porch. I hadn't seen him in over a year and I could be more happy. "JACK!" I sprung into his arms and he held me tight. He looked so different, in a good way. His hair had grown and he grew a few inches. "ALEX!" he screamed back as he put me down. "Ugh you do not know how much I need you right now." I groaned. He smiled his same smile and walked into my apartment. "I'm here to help." He announced. I walked him to Cameron's room. Cameron (Dallas) 's mom had left me some of his college funds to contribute to the nursery and it looked fantastic. The walls were pink and brown while her carpets were purple. I know that's so many colors but when I was a kid I always wanted lots of color in my room and never received it. Her crib had a jungle animals mobile above it and the animals were pink and brown like the walls. Her changing station was purple like the carpets and so were her closet doors.

Jack's eyes twinkled as he walked in. "It's perfect." He stated.
Jack hadn't seen the baby in person, only in pictures and I was almost too excited to let him see her. He gasped at the sight. "She looks just like Cameron!" He exclaimed. That's what everyone had been telling me. I don't know about anybody else but the first thing I always noticed about her was her eyes. She had Cameron's glorious, brown eyes. They made me melt just like his. Sure enough Jack began to speak, "She has his eyes. And your nose." I smiled at him as I began to think about Cameron. My eyes watered but I decided to let this one go. I just gripped onto my necklace.

***
I sat there while tears stained my cheeks. I was packing to move to my apartment and I still hadn't opened Cameron's present but I thought it was time. I bit my lip and clenched my eyes shut. As my eyes shuttered open, my fingers were all ready intertwined in the ribbon. As I unpackaged the gift my eyes watered even more. I opened the small, black, velvet box to see a gold custom necklace reading 'Calex'. My lips began to tremble and my legs shook. Yep there it was. My first melt down sense my passing out. I couldn't take anymore pain. I wanted it to leave. I couldn't take this feeling anymore. I always felt like there were hands tightly griped around my neck and they wouldn't let me go. I wondered if I'd ever be free. But days after this I realized that this necklace was replacing the hands around my neck. It replaced them with love and a piece of my love. A piece of the love of my life.

***
"Alex? Are you okay?" Jacks voice echoed in my empty head. His voice brought me hope and it reminded me so much of the feeling Cameron used to give me. It was that same warmth, that same comfort.

"I love you." I didn't remember saying it but the meaningful words spilled right out of my mouth and that was the start of us. We didn't know it yet. But all I know is that this little cloud in my head was cleared and the hands were removed from my neck. I was free. I wasn't going to be alone... not even close. And I felt guilty that Jack would be the one I would spend the rest of my life with but I know that no matter how much Cameron hated him, he would know I was happy and that was all that he ever wanted. He used to tell me that every night. That all that made him happy was me being happy. And that's what I would be with Jack and my new baby girl. Looks like I would be getting a Cameron and a Jack in my life. What else could I ask for?