Not Just Perfect

For Cameron.

As the credits rolled, I walked to the restroom. I walked in, seeing something unusual. There were Christmas lights and underneath them were pictures of Cameron...and me! I quickly scanned them with my eyes. These weren't friendly pictures, either. They were lovey, dovey pictures. My head started to ache. "JACK!" I screamed. I heard running up the stairs. My confusion had turned into pure anger. "What is it baby!?" He walked into the restroom. He immediately saw me holding a corner of one of the photos. "Jack..." I was so confused, what were all these pictures, that I didn't remember. I started to remember Cam's break down at the hospital. "Cameron...." I looked down at the photo.

"What about him?" Jack tried to act like nothing was happening. "He had a melt down..." His eyes widened. "You weren't supposed to remember that..." Jack's eyes focused on the picture. I hadn't remembered because they had put me to sleep right after, but now I did... I did remember. He started to scream at me, with tears burning his face. "Wait.. Do remember these pictures, Alex?" He said calmly, but I could tell he had no patience. "I uh... I don't think so... Why are we kissing? Why are we hugging so tight? Why are there so many pictures of Cameron and I, but non of us?..... Were you lying to me?.... Has my whole life been a lie?" I blurted out, question after question.

"Alex, that's not fair. You can't just say it like that..." He looked me in the eyes. "How else am I supposed to say it Jack!? I've been lied to, about my own life! Do you know what it feels like to not know what's happened in your own life?..... Do you know what it feels like to not remember if you LOVED somebody?....no you don't. I don't know if I loved Cameron or you!! How am I supposed to know!?" Jack stopped staring into my eyes. "I don't know..." I started to feel a tear slip out of my eye, and roll down my cheek. "TELL ME THE TRUTH JACK!" I started to cry. "I CAN'T ALEX! DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD TELL YOU IF I COULD!?" He yelled in my face.

"I just wanna know..." I started to slide against the wall, making my way to the floor. "I know...Alex, I know." He sat down beside me, and held me. "But I can't ruin the way that you think.... If I confuse you, you might not ever get to remember... And I need you too remember...for Cameron." I scooted closer, which seemed impossible. "For Cameron." I whispered into his ear. He smiled and I sat there, in his arms, for about an hour. He then kissed my forehead and we both stood up. "I can't tell..." I couldn't tell who I loved. It was the worst feeling. "You will find out, Alex... I promise." I wanted to know now, though, but I couldn't pressure myself.

Finally, Jack left and I laid in bed till I could fall asleep. I didn't fall asleep... I couldn't. I wanted to know. It was now 1:00am. I hoped out of bed and ran to the restroom. I grabbed the same picture that I had been holding, only a couple of hours ago. It was a picture of Cam and I kissing. I picked it up quickly. I looked at it for a while. I then had a urge to go on social media. I wasn't aloud to because I would find things that would pressure me and make me flip out, like the pictures. I did it anyways. I knew where my mom hid my laptop. I grabbed it from underneath her bed and ran to my room. I opened twitter and typed in 'Cameron Dallas'. I clicked on the first one. "Two million followers!" I blurted out loud.

I quickly scanned his photos, then one stood out. It was a picture of Cam and I at prom. I was fixing his tie, while he made a funny face at me. I giggled. The caption was, "@alexgrace all mine.❤️" it had thousands of favorites and retweets. I had become even more confused. I had been 'more than friends' with Cameron...and he was famous....well than. I shut the laptop, knowing that Jack wouldn't be there to wipe my tears this time. I couldn't take the confusion. Why was I doing this to myself? But I need to know.