Not Just Perfect

Skipping rocks

{ Alex's Perspective }

I sprinted to the door. I heard sobs, but then silence. I ran in, without knocking. My mind almost completely collapsed as I saw a broken down Cameron Alexander Dallas sitting against the wall. He had pills, at the opening of his mouth. I freaked out. My mind was like a busy highway, thoughts just rushing through and coming from all different directions. I quickly ran over to him, all ready out of breath. "CAMERON! NO! YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE, I-I LOVE YOU!" I chocked out the last part, because for some reason it brought pain to my body. He looked up as if I were a ghost. His eyes concentrated, but then gazed off in disbelief. He just chuckled and looked away. The pills were still being held at the tip of his lips. I smacked them out if his grip, in pure anger. "CAMERON! HOW!? HOW COULD YOU RISK YOUR LIFE!? SPEAK!" I blurted out, with red cheeks. I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't just talk, why he wouldn't just tell me why.

"I can't live without you..." An other tear slid down his cheek. "But I'm right here....right now." I sat down in front of him and grabbed his hands. He just started crying louder....and harder. "Shhh...baby it's okay." I tried to wipe his tears, like he does for me, but he turned his cheek. "Cam..." He just cried harder. I couldn't figure out why. I didn't know what thoughts were going through his head right now. "Y-you don't l-ove m-m-me!" I have never seen somebody cry so hard. "Yes, yes I do! I remembered..." I said softly, gripping his hands harder. He looked up into my eyes. "Y-you r-rember-red...?" His voice trailed off, as if he couldn't finish his sentence. "Yes, Cameron. I remembered...everything. I realized that I love you more than anything in this world.... Anything in this universe." His eyes focused on my lips. He then looked away.

I knew he wanted to kiss me, I could see it in his eyes. "Do you want to kiss..?" I asked awkwardly. This was supposed to be one of those movie moments, but I wasn't very good at them. He giggled at my awkwardness, followed along with his warm lips pressing against mine. His lips were soft, yet urgent, as if he were trying to express all the feelings he had been holding back. It was like our lips were symmetrical. They fit perfectly together, and moved in sync. I pulled away and my eyes met his. He leaned in, but not for an other kiss. He went straight to my ear. "Mine." He whispered softly into my ear. "Yours." I whispered back.

He grabbed my hand and lead me outside. He then brought me to a creek. It was beautiful. The sun skimmed the water, as it swayed calmly. We both walked, hand in hand, till we reached the shore. He let go of my hand and picked up a rock. He then tossed it onto the water, with grace in his swing. The rock skipped across the creek about six times, before sinking to the bottom. "I like to come here and skip rocks, when I feel lost..." I let his words sink in. "You feel lost..?" I thought we had just cleared things up. "Very." He refused to make eye contact with me.

"You know... I put my mind in this place where nothing goes wrong. As long as I'm with you everything will be 'just fine', but really your love can't protect me. I don't like to let my mind out of that place because then I realize what life is really like...in life, not everything is good. I wish it was like that, but it's not." I then grabbed a rock and began to toss it. "Yeah..." He looked confused and I knew he was. He had no idea what I meant. I didn't really know what I meant either. I guess maybe I should see what it's like with out his love 'protecting' me.....maybe my mind would be better off in reality, because it's going to hit me one day. So better now than later, right? And he can't help, at least not anymore, because my mind has found it's way out of that comfort zone. Thank you for keeping me 'safe' Cameron, but I'm okay with taking a risk.

I didn't say those thoughts out loud and I never plan on it. I love him, but if you think about it so many things have gone wrong, and I let myself think that it will all be okay, if I'm with Cameron, but what if it isn't? What if one day Cameron can't make it all better? He skipped an other rock and I repeated my thought as I watched it skip out towards the sun.