Lethal Lovers - Cato Hadley

chapter five

Me and Cole are watching TV, while Cato's cooking. He doesn't want us around when he cooks. He hates to always tell me what to do, so he rather does it by himself. 
"You sure you don't need help?" I shout.
"No" Cato shouts back.
"I'm glad that your brother is a good cook" I say to Cole, who smiles.
"Yeah, me too" 
We both keep watching, when the programm gets interrupted by something important. Breaking news from the Capitol. I wonder what they want now.

"Attention, the following transmission contains violence" a voice says, before transmitting the news. 

It's someone getting heavily whipped by a peacekeeper. The person is kneeling infront of some stone, as their hands are tied to it. The persons screams fill the house.
"What's going on?" Cato asks, running inside.
"Where is that?" he asks.
"I have no clue" I say.
"What do they want to show with that?" Cato asks angrily.
"They want to show us how much control they have. Anyone who even speaks about the rebellion gets beaten up" I say. Cato sits down next to me and grabs one of my hands tightly.
The groans and screams continue for a few minutes, until someone runs on screen. The woman holds a hand out infront of her as she screams for the peacekeeper to stop. He just punches her hard into the face, causing her to fall backwards. The peacekeeper whips her on the back one time before walking a bit back. She lays on the floor for a few seconds before slowly getting back up again. That's when I recognize her.
"Katniss" I breathe out. 
She steps infront of the man whos' getting whipped, ready to protect him. I feel my whole body tense. 
The peacekeeper scoffs before telling her to move. Katniss doesn't bother though.
"You want another?" he asks her angry.
"Go ahead" she says, and he takes out his gun. He points is at her head, as Haymitch runs up to them. He steps between the two, holding up both of his hands.
That's when the transmission gets interrupted. All we can see now is Katniss standing infront of this stone, holding her head high infront of that guard.

"She's going to get us all killed" I say loudly.
"It's going to be okay" Cato says, and hugs me.
"No, it's not. Snow wants Katniss dead. She's giving the people hope, and not only her, you and me and Peeta too. We all give them hope. He's going to kill us all" I say.
"And how would he do that?" Cato asks.
"I don't know" 

...

It's been a few days since the incident with Katniss, another important transmission is going to play today. It's about the quarter quell.  We're all sitting infront of the TV, waiting for it to start.
"I have a bad feeling Cato" I say. He grabs my hands and squeezes them tightly. 
Cole and Altan are sitting on the other couch next to us.
"What do you guys think will be the quarter quell?" my brother asks.
"Something brutal" Cole says. He's not wrong.
Cato goes to say something to his brother but gets interrupted by the applause coming from the TV.
We look at Snow stepping onto the balcony, infront of where we both once stood in the chariots. 
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the 75th year of The Hunger Games," he says, and everybody starts cheering again. "And it was written in the charter of The Games that every 25 years, there would be a Quarter Quell to keep fresh for each new generation the memory of those who died in the uprising against the Capitol. Each Quarter Quell is distinguished by Games of a special significance. And now is the 75th anniversary of our defeat of the rebellion, we celebrate the third Quarter Quell.."
"Cato I have a bad feeling" I say starting to shake. 
"Me too" he says, squeezing my hands even tighter now.
"...as a reminder that even the strongest cannot overcome the power of the Capitol. On this, the third Quarter Quell Games, the male and the female tribute are to be reaped from the existing pool of victors in each district"

My head starts spinning and my body starts shaking even more. I don't want to go in there again. I can't. I just can't do it. I can't do all of this again. I don't want to go through this again. 
I look over to my right to see Cato sitting there staring at the ground. Our brothers are staring at us with fear in their eyes. 
I don't want to do this again. All of the pain, and the fear. I can't. I slowly feel myself getting up and starting to walk towards the door. I hear Snow going on with something but I don't care. I need to get out of here. I open the door and run outside. I keep running until I reach the tree.  My heart is punding and I feel like I'm not getting enough air. I feel like my lungs are closing and are refusing to open again. My vision starts getting blurry, as my body falls down to the ground.
How am I supposed to go through all of this again? And how will I get throgh with loosing Cato. They'll not approve of two winners this year. No way they will. One of us has to die in order for the other one to live.
I start sobbing heavily, still not able to breathe. I start to feel my stomach turning around and start vomiting. I have been a lot lately. Especially in the morning. 
That's when I realize.
"No, it can't be" I say to myself but reality is, it could. I should've gotten my period two weeks ago. I just forgot about it. 
Now it's impossible for me to go in. I can't go in there risking the life of my unborn baby. On the other side, what would life be without him. I don't know if I could do this without him. I'm not ready to be a mother. I wouldn't even be a good mother. 
Thoughts are running through my head in high speed, as I can't get a hold of them.
After al,l the reaping is going to take place in a week. Should I even tell Cato about the baby? It would just worry him even more. I lean my back against the trunk of the tree, letting the tears slip down my face. 

As I enter the house again, everything is smashed down to the ground. It looks like a mess in here. I wander around the house, until I find him sitting in the living room at the floor.
"Where are Cole and Altan?" I ask quietly.
"They're at your mom's house" he says even more quietly than me.
"What happend?" I ask him, but he doesn't answer me. I can exactly think what happend here. He got mad and smashed everything downstairs.
"Lets clean it up" I say, and start picking up the pieces.
"No, Athena. I'll do it later" he says but I continue.
"Athena, I said I'll do it later!" he shouts at me, making me flinch. 
His expression immediately changes from anger to worry and regret.
"I'm sorry Athena. I didn't mean to shout at you" he says, trying to grab my arm but I pull it away.
"I'm going to take a nap" I say with a wobbly voice and start walking up the stairs.
"Athena, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it" he says but I'm already upstairs and close the door behind me. Immediately, tears start sliping out of my eyes again. My knees give up, making me slide down the door slowly. Heavy sobs escape my mouth time to time. 
How am I supposed to do all of this? And what about the baby?

...

I wake up the next morning with puffy eyes. I look around, to find myself at the floor infront of the door. I must've fallen asleep and a big pool of my own tears is on the ground. I slowly get up and open the door to find Cato sitting there.
He lets out a deep breath and gets up immediately.
"I'm so sorry Athena" he says on the verge of tears.
"It's okay" I say and pull him in for a hug. He rests his head on my shoudler, as I feel his tears soaking my shirt.
"I'm so sorry" he says over and over again, almost making me cry too.
"It's okay. We'll get through this" I say, pullig his head infront of mine with my hands.
"We're gonna get through this somehow" I say, and rest my forehead against his.
His eyes are red and puffy too.
"Lets go to bed. Come on" I say, and pull him inside our bedroom by his hand. I lay down on the bed opening my arms for him to lay in. He politely accepts the offer and lays down, his head resting on my chest now. I play with his hair, as he slowly falls asleep. 
I don't though. My thoughts are still racing. I'm not very concerned about myself. More about him and the baby. I need to take a test. 

I wait for him to fully fall asleep before I get up. I slowly move his head away from my chest and get up. Quietly I close the door behind me and walk inside the bathroom. My mother gave me a pregnancy test when we moved in this house.
She said: "Better safe than not sure"
I rolled my eyes at her but now it's really helpfull.
I take the test, and lay it down on the sink. The next five minutes are the longest minutes in my whole life. I feel like they're just not going over. 
When I turn the test around, I start sobbing again. I put a hand infront of my mouth, trying to keep quite. 
I am pregnant. 
I wouldn't mind, if we wouldn't go into the arena again. 

This is mine and Cato's child. He could be a father, if we don't go into the arena again. If we do, then I don't want to be a mother without him. My best option would obviously be to stay here and not go, the same for him. The next best option, is all three of us dying in there. I don't want to live without him, and neither I want to raise a child on my own.

I pull myself together before walking inside our bedroom again. He's still sleeping there peacefully. He must've not slept the whole night. I lay down again, as he wraps his arms around me. 

My mind wanders off to Dolion again. He actually visited me again last night and kissed me. He just told me he loved me and kissed me. I obviously sent him away and he got furious with me. I told him that I didn't love him and that I don't want to be with him. He didn't seem to understand and got so angry that he just left. No goodbye, nothing. He just walked off again. Another thing I havent' told Cato yet