Survivor - Jerrie Fanfiction ✅

Chapter 4 - Are You Alright, Pez?

Chapter 4 - Are You Alright, Pez?

Perrie pov

"Perrie, what's going on there? Please get out, you're making me worry, it's already been an hour" I hear Jade's voice but I don't have the strength to answer her. An hour is not enough, the water has not yet washed the sensation of Alex's hands touching me, or his breath on my neck.

I still feel his mouth on mine and I can still see his eyes as he moves inside me. I can feel it inside me and I just want him to go away.

Please leave!

I rub my skin until it turns red to get rid of the feeling of him on me and inside me, but nothing works.

I said leave!

Jade knocks again and keeps calling me.

"I'm coming" I answer without emotion, I get out of the shower and take a towel. My whole body hurts and I start rubbing my skin with the washcloth to erase everything I feel. I look in the mirror and see the beginning of the formation of bruises on my face and legs.

I feel sick again and empty my stomach back into the toilet, even though there is nothing left.

I brush my teeth and pass the concealer on the red patches that are appearing on the face, then I realize that in my haste I did not take my pyjamas. I put on my bathrobe and take care to tie it so that it cannot open randomly. I take a deep breath and get out of the bathroom.

As soon as I open the door I find Jade sitting on the bed with a worried look, she notices my presence and immediately gets up, I get scared and I step back and, as before, she seems hurt.

"Love, sorry for yesterday, I'm really sorry, okay? I know I was a bitch but we can fix things" Jade says in a hurry and I hear the worry in her voice, I would like to tell her that it's fine, I would like to tell her that I forgive her, but I can't say anything.

"Pez, please talk to me" Jade insists.

"You're not going to tell anyone what happened, right?"

"Jade will leave you as soon as she sees how slutty you are, your family will disown you, your friends will leave and the label will abandon you. Your life will be ruined, Perrie."

"Excuse me, I need to sleep" my voice is flat and cold. Jade looks at me hurt for the third time in two hours and nods.

I go to the walk-in closet, pull out my pyjamas and go back to bed. I stand there and close my eyes, shortly after I hear Jade's footsteps move away and the bedroom door close.

Tears flow freely down my cheeks and I find myself sobbing unrestrainedly reliving again and again what Alex did to me, I can't let Jade hear me or she will ask me again what happened, so I bite the pillow and choke the desperate screams.

If I hadn't bothered Jade with my doubts and paranoia we wouldn't have argued, if we hadn't fought I wouldn't have gone to Zayn and if I hadn't gone to Zayn none of this would ever have happened.

I can't help but blame myself.

I shouldn't have given Alex too much confidence, I shouldn't have accepted to be alone with him, I shouldn't have trusted him. I was stupid!

Stupid!

I think back to everything that happened from last night to today and I look for an explanation, maybe I sent him signals that he misunderstood, maybe I was too friendly, maybe I made him believe that I reciprocated the interest in him.

There must be an explanation...

All I feel is shame and disgust, I feel dirty and there is no way to clean myself.