Survivor - Jerrie Fanfiction ✅

Chapter 25 - Small things

Chapter 25 - Small things

Perrie pov

"Hello, Perrie. How are you today?" Dr Blossom asks me.

It has been a week since I decided to 'come back' to Jade. When I heard her begging me to come back to her, I realised that I can still give her something. That it is not only her who makes me complete, but I am also an important part of her.

And that leaving her would only hurt her more.

With this new dose of awareness I am now working to get better, to regain the progress I had momentarily abandoned. Cheryl has made me realise that it was not a failure, but rather a setback, and that it doesn't mean that I got worse.

Now I have to stay on the right track, and although I know that change starts with me, I am happy to have so many people around me who support and sustain me, even in the most difficult moments.

In fact, what happened recently taught me that it's okay to make wrongs and that not everyone will hurt you if you make mistakes.

In all this turmoil, last time I didn't have a chance to tell her about my kiss with Jade, "I kissed Jade... the night I decided to... come back? I don't know how else to say it" I confess.

Cheryl stands open-mouthed for a minute, then blinks a couple of times and recovers. "You said you kissed her, correct?" she asks me still incredulous. I nod, "That's... unexpected," the surprise still in her voice. "Perrie, I have to ask. Did you do it because you felt forced or pressured?"

I don't have to think about it to answer, I know perfectly well why I kissed Jade "I did it because I wanted to. Jade didn't pressure me in any way, on the contrary. She said she will do it if and only when I ask her to" I smile sincerely.

Cheryl smiles back at me, "Good. So tell me, how did you feel?"

"Terrified" I laugh weakly, "I was terrified at first, but with her it was... different. It wasn't like with..."

"Alex?" she asks me cautiously.

I nod, "He was controlling and I knew something always happened afterwards" I momentarily lose myself in memories but then I think back to Jade and our moment.

"With her it was sweet, chaste... kind. I felt good, complete. I actually didn't want it to end. When she was about to go to her room I asked her to stay with me. She held me close all night and I felt.... safe. I knew she wouldn't hurt me. I trust her"

"Do you think it will happen again?" Cheryl asks with genuine interest.

"I want to" I smile, "But I feel like I don't have enough courage to do it or ask her" I admit.

Kissing Jade and having it confirmed that what she's been telling me all these months was true is also one of the reasons I feel like I'm ready to meet Zayn. I know he visited me often in the hospital when I was in a coma, but afterwards by my decision he never came and that means I haven't seen him since that day Jade and I broke up. Almost two years ago.

Wow, how time passes...

"I think I'm ready to see Zayn now" I go on coming out of my trance.

"This is a big step, Perrie. I'm so proud of you!" Cheryl answers me with enthusiasm and a smile that shows her teeth. "Have you thought about why you feel ready and why you want to see him again?"

"He was my best friend and the person I trusted the most besides Jade and Lesy, rationally I know he won't hurt me, even if the fear persists in me. But I think I have to start getting out of this bubble I have locked myself in. I think I need to move on, or I'll always be stuck with Alex" I voice my thoughts aloud, "And then... I think Zayn needs to hear that I don't blame him for what happened. I know he blames himself for leaving me with Alex that morning... I think it's time for all of us to forgive and let ourselves be forgiven"