Secrets of an outcast

Truth

I was cognizant I was awake but I didn't want to open my weary eyes, because I knew that when I did I would be admitting to myself that what happened yesterday was real and I wasn't just having another nightmare. Realization was what I was trying to avoid, I did not need another issue in my life. I had no idea of where Luna was, how she is or if she even wants to be gone.

I had the most horrifying headache imaginable. The events of yesterday flooded back to me and I felt just as depressed now.

If not worse.

But unfortunatly, I had a company to run and I couldn't let anything get in the way of that, no matter how appalling I felt.  That was what I owed to my father.

I heaved myself up from the front room floor, where I must have eventually fell asleep last night, it was layered with burgundy carpet that was soft under my feet, but not so soft when you spend the night on it in a fixed position. The muscles in my back ached and I had a dead arm. Great.

It was accompanied by walls coloured a smooth, matt black which went well with the grey 3-seater sofa and armchair, many would wonder why an individual man would need so much furniture; and so many rooms. It wasn't always just me living here though, it once bustled with a happy family...now it was just me. 

I drifted up the stairs to my bedroom and continued into the en-suite bathroom, not even noticing what I was doing.

I shoved the door open excessively hard. Seeing the familiar floor tiles, that were a polished black marble, it made me think I could be the same person I was yesterday before all this mess. I turned to face the mirror and I took a lengthy look at myself, despising the reflection that stared back at me. 

My once vibrant green eyes where now lifeless and dull, and if that was not bad enough I had some shocking vivid purple rings under them to match a disturbed sleep, no doubt caused by losing the last of my family, along with sleeping on the floor. A wave of disgust washed through my veins as I took in what I had become, a few years back I could have been sort of attractive, but here i am- washed out at 26.

My light brown hair, desperate for a trim, was in disarray after pulling at it the previous night as I tried to restrain the overwhelming emotions that threatened to incapacitate me.

I ran a black comb through it in a doomed-to-fail attempt to fix it; I gave up and just left it to flop about on its own accord, it did what it wanted anyway.

Back in my bedroom my eyes drifted towards my alarm clock and saw that it was 9:30am.

No! I have a meeting in half an hour! I screamed internally. I was too busy drowning in a pool of my own self pity to make note of anything else apart from my own grief.

Rushing out of my clothes I leapt in a clean pair of boxers to the wardrobe and yanked out a fresh white shirt, red tie, grey jacket and grey a pair of suit trousers.

I put them on hastily, and ensured they where the right way around, and fastened my black shoes, I bulleted down the stairs then straight out the front door.

I clambered into my Aston Martin DB9, roared the engine to life and accelerated towards my company, Alpha Software.

Linkin Park pounded out the speakers, all I wanted to do was take a detour and just drive away from all my troubles.  Watch the trees race past in a blur of colour through the windows, their leaves blowing softly in the breeze. I couldn't cope with one more thing. I was like a full jug under a heavy flow, only moments away from leaking over the edge.

On a positive note, I was extremely lucky with the traffic. 

All the cars on the road were moving and there wasn't a single jam on my whole way there. This was very rare for London.

I took in how everyone I saw had their own lives.

Their own private nightmares.

The old man I saw that was hobbling solemnly down the street as commuters squeezed around him could have just lost his wife, and nobody would know, and even if they did- who is to say they would care? A lady who was clearly worn out in oversized clothes, looking battered and tired, trying to stop her child from crying as people pushed past her in annoyance.

That's the problem with the world today. Myself included, everyone is too busy wrapped up in their own lives that they forget that other people have them too.

Snapping out of my daydream, I yanked myself back to the present before I crashed and I pulled into my designated bay, and almost left my folder behind in my haste to get out of the car.
Well, I said designated bay but it was my company so I could park wherever the hell I liked.

I had no time to deal with reception, they called after me with their different requests. I would have to face them later. Or they could do the damn jobs I pay them to do...  Once the lift had taken its sweet time to arrive and take me to the 4th floor, I burst through the meeting door and 15 pairs of impatient eyes turned towards me.

"Ah here he is" somebody informed everyone.

I was 10 minutes late.

"Dreadfully sorry everyone, but I had some car difficulty." I lied smoothly, not even stuttering. I sat down at the head of the table.

"What's done is done. Now if you please?" he gestured for me to begin as he was obviously irritated.

"Er...right yes ok" I muttered as I went briefly through the papers that were set out for me.

Although there were words on the paper I could see nothing that made sense right now, I was unprepared and my mind was occupied with other thoughts.

A man situated on my left coughed impatiently.

"Sorry, just give me a minute." I apologized. I have had more than a minute; I was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago.

I turned sharply to reach for a pen across the table but my jacket sent a gust of wind, causing my papers to scatter all along the beige carpet on the floor. I tipped my head up to the ceiling and gave a frustrated sigh.

"Maybe we should arrange this meeting for another time." One of the men suggested.

I pursed my lips together as I questioned my reputation if I called off this meeting, or if I just stood here and humiliated myself I settled with rescheduling it to another day.

"If that isn't a problem that would be most suitable, I'll be in contact shortly."

"This contract won't be here forever, Justin, you better keep that in mind. There are many alternative companies we can turn to with a decent offer, bare that in mind." he almost threatened
"Now come on everyone, we are expected elsewhere, wouldn't want to be late now" He looked at me as he spoke.

I had to resist the urge to punch his fat and sagging smug face.

I closed the door to the meeting room and locked it as I filed out after an incredibly irritated team of men. I thought being late was unproffesional, but pouting and fitting like a 12 year old girl, now that's unprofessional.

"Are you OK sir? You seem kind of distracted today" My blonde-hair-blue-eye-affair assistant Cameron, questioned me.

"If I said I was fine would you believe me?" I snapped and pointed at the dark circles under my eyes.

"No Sir, I apologize for intruding" He excused himself.

"It isn't your fault. Life's just dealt me a rubbish card right now. I suppose it's one of those things that cannot be helped" I sighed.

"Anything you need me to do sir?" He asked civilly, but the look on his face told me he didn't want to hang around me like this.

"No, nobody can."