Papillon - HS

Chapter 28

Harry Styles' POV: 

I could not stop thinking about Victoria. 

I had been such a jerk and for what? To push away the one person I want closest to me?

I needed to clear my mind, which was really hard to do given I was full on giving a concert while my head was everywhere. I tried looking for her in the crowd but I couldn't find her.

I wanted to see her face, see if she was still mad at me, see if she was disappointed of how I had acted. But Victoria was nowhere to be found. Which was weird because isn't she supposed to be working right now?

"Your turn," I hear Niall whisper to me, which made me shake my head and focus on the fact that it was my time to sing as soon as the chorus was over. 

I hope people can't tell I am not really giving it my all but really, there's much more important things in my mind right now.

I ran off the stage as soon as the concert was over, I needed time for myself. 

My alone time lasted about 30 seconds because as soon as I got back to my dressing room, Mia bursted the door open and began talking.

All of a sudden, I stopped finding her attractive and found her so fucking annoying. 

She had a high pitched voice and moved her hands around like crazy. Her blonde hair seemed fake and it was breaking at the end. Her fake tan was all that noticeable and her blue eyes looked empty.

What was I thinking?

This is not the girl I want. 

The girl I want is somewhere in a room feeling like shit because I was a jackass.

But I mean, I had a point in thinking she was simply ignoring my feelings.

I know it was not the best but I was hurt and Mia was there and I just channelled all my anger into fake passion. I never had feelings for her. Our "relationship" had always been purely physical. I have been using her for her body and she has been using me for my fame and status.

It had always worked out well. I still got to do my own thing and she just joined whenever. We never really talked about what we wanted or if it should be something serious. But I knew she was there just because she wanted to feel like she was important, so important she got to tour with one of the biggest bands. 

I stayed quiet all the way back to the hotel. Mia knew someone in the city and went out with them, which was perfect as it gave me time to plan what I wanted to do, how I planned to move forward. 

I got to my hotel room and it pained me knowing Victoria was right beside me but I couldn't go talk to her. I lost my privilege of walking her home and knocking three times just to say hi. I immediately turned on the shower and let the hot water splash over me.

All I wanted was to gain Victoria's trust back. But first, I needed to make sure she actually did not listen to what I said because if she actually did just ignore my feelings, I could not bare being vulnerable twice and getting hurt again. I needed to talk to her, I needed to be close to her. I have been avoiding her, she has been avoiding me.

All I need is a simple nod or the glimpse of her smile. 

I want to make her smile. 

But first I needed to talk to her. And before talking to her, I needed to tell Mia to leave. I cannot be lying to myself for much longer. I don't like Mia, I never did and never will. Not now that Victoria came into my life and made me realize what I really wanted.