The Morning After

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It was hours before Yoongi fell asleep, and he didn't stay asleep. He tossed and turned and felt the frustration of the night weighing heavily on him. When he finally wakes, he can't tell how long he's been asleep but he knows from the pounding headache that it wasn't long enough. He opens his eyes to a dark room, but senses light under the bedroom door, and he's sure he smells something; Samgyeopsal. He closes his eyes and smiles thinking he must be dreaming, it's not possible he's really smelling Samgyeopsal. He made that for Soo Ah on their first night together at his apartment.

He sits up in bed quickly as he remembers, the color draining from his face. He focuses on the closed door, and the idea that she's in the suite now. She must have ordered lunch as she said she would. He bites his lip wondering how to face her this morning. She told him everything would be as it had been, but how could that be true when she confessed her feelings to him. She can't deny them, and he can't ignore them. He knows things have changed between them now, and it's his own fault for forcing her to admit it. She would have done exactly what he asked of her, and never let him know how she feels. She's an actress. They can put that stuff on without any feelings connected to it, he reminds himself. It won't be difficult for her to pretend nothing happened last night.

But it's going to be impossible for him to forget how she felt clinging to him, her body pressed against his, and how soft her skin was, what her hair smelled like, as he kissed her right here on this bed. He looks down at the covers around him, and tosses them off to the side, discarding them as though it could erase the memory of last night. He frowns. He really messed this up, and it was such a good thing for him. He won't sleep well now if she isn't with him, but what will the next night be like? How can he lie in the bed beside her and not want to hold her. If he does hold her, how can he convince himself now that it's enough when he knows it never will be, not for either of them.

He shakes his head, letting a shudder flow through his body, letting tension release as he rises up from the bed. He readies himself, knowing he has to face this. Whatever she says to him, he will keep his focus, and remember the arrangement he so quickly forgot last night. He squeezes his fists as though he's ready for the fight, with himself, and his back straightens to almost military stance. He tells himself he can do this, because he has to. It's what's best for him, so it's best for her too. That's all he has to remember.  He walks toward the bedroom door and takes one last deep breath.

He opens the door, and yawns in an exaggerated way, stretching his arms up above him as he walks into the living room, pretending that he's groggy from sleep. He casually looks over toward the table and he can see her sitting, dressed for the day, reading a newspaper, with coffee in hand. She doesn't look up or regard him until he walks closer to her. She lowers the paper and smiles up at him, from behind the mask of her character.

"I hope you slept well." She knows he didn't. "I ordered some food you might like, it's still quite warm." She leans forward and takes the cover off of a prepared dish, allowing the thick sent of the spices to reach out to him, making his stomach growl in anticipation. He half smiles as he looks over the dishes.

"Why so much food? Is someone else coming?" he asks as he sits down across from her. She pours a coffee into a cup and passes it over to him as she shakes her head.

"Not that I'm aware, but no matter what I order, double portions arrive, and this time, they also sent a newspaper in Korean." She smiles at him and he makes eye contact with her for the first time.

He wonders about her flat response, absent of emotion, and what may be going through her head. It feels like the weight of their encounter has to be discussed, even though he'd love to turn and run out of the room and not face it, he knows that isn't an option this time. If he wants to continue their arrangement, and he does, he has to confront this, as awkward as it is. He's not sure how to begin this conversation because it's obvious to her that he wanted her last night, and so much more would have happened, if she had not made him think about their situation, and what impact this would have.

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