our love..

love

" Kim namjoon, I dare to kiss, y/n " Jones said, while pointing at namjoon.

Jones is hype.

" no, Jones no namjo- " before I can complete namjoon, peck on my cheeks.

I was completely, shock.
" you guys, call this truth and dare, game " namjoon said while laying back to his chair.
" and about album... it's coming very soon " he said while looking at me.

Everyone is shocked.

I just nodded.

~

We played many rounds.
And man's are get drunk also.
Expect jade, he has go, cause he had a call.
From India.
But, he said, that is coming to hallasan, with us, tomorrow.
It would be great.

I'm looking at the, veiw of night.
It's very calmful.
Actually, thinking about jade.
Huh! I left a soft sighed.
He found that girl, he meant to be.
I'm happy for him.
But, what about me.
No one is, there for me.
I'm still lost in this world.
Am I able to love someone else.
Other than, jade.
I don't know.

" drink " and my thought broken.
I look at source, of voice.
And namjoon.

" no, thanks " I said and went to the same position.

I don't know, by looking at nature or city lights, I feel somehow calmness, steadiness and some break.
I just looking at that, and I found something in my heart.

" there are very calmful... no " namjoon spoken out.

I didn't know, he is still standing, there.

" yeah " I replied.

" you're okay " he sudden asked.

" yeah, why " I asked.

" no, I kissed you, without your permission. I'm sorry " he said.

" hmm, I understand, the circumstances " I said.

" you know, what I'm thinking " I added.

" what " he asked while taking a sip, from his glass.

" about you " I take a pause.
" how you become, famous and how you reach this far. " I said and look at him.
" I don't know, how many things, you missed, or you just undo, them from your life, for this big success, this success " I said and look at the view again.
" success is quite big, na.. have you image, how your old classmates think about you, how your old neighbors think about you, how your younger self think about you, how you thinking about your self, after this much achievement, have you ever scared, what if you suddenly, wake up and see this is only a dream. Where you saw your whole life. Did you gonna feel that clench in your heart. If I'm at your place, I might be scared, to be in that place, where you standing now. " I stop.
" I don't know, I'm scared, to be here, with you too, I don't like to be here, this someone else, place, where I'm standing. Maybe, my luck or my prayer, which I can see, you infront of my eye.
I'm glad that, we're here and you're able to listen, my talks, which mostly been to be, useless." I look at him.
" thanks to been, my best part of life.
Mr. Kim " I said.

He is looking at me.

I divert, my gaze to other side.
I can't able to look at him.
I felt something.

" I-i " he stubble with words.

" I don't know, where to answer, your questions, they seem real, and hard.
Which I would able to face in this life." He stops.

~

Namjoon pov.

She asked, many things.
Which all are my deep thoughts.
Which wouldn't like to speak up, or I wouldn't find a correct answer to them.

" but, I know that, peoples, which are around me, are more supportive and understanding. To me, cause, I'm the person, who can't express." I little laughed on myself.

" I can't express, myself, you might wonder, what kind of person, was me. Who wrote many songs, about youth life and there difficult stage, but still can't describe himself. But that a truth, which I don't know, how to express, yeah everytime my heart clenched, when I do concert, when I make song, when I see peopels, when I see army, when I do live, when I do all the stuff of which is related to this successful man, I scared, I really scared, that sometimes I lost the breath. But I find happiness to, when I see people's and army are happy, by my doing, I lost all my fears and scary thoughts." I took breath.
" and yeah, I lost myself, a while ago, I became a person, who just keep, thinking about others and I start losing himself in that, but I still find something, which help me, to remind myself. I do reading, but that I start to understand the people's, that not my things, I visit museums, but then I don't find that peace. But when, I look at the, sky or with the nature, I feel light, I feel lost or I feel myself, I love to be alone and lonely. Maybe I love only me. Where I only think about me. Where I can able to do my things, without anyone wish or mean. I want to do what, mine. Not any other's, but I can't. " I sighed.

" and that would be scary, and you can't deny. " I add.

" why don't you leave this " she asked.

" army.. army needs me, I can't left, them, they're just so, knowledgeable person, to me. They teach me, alot. They teach me about me. How, I suppose to be and they show me the path, of this success and that would be, not wrong, if I gave whole credit of my lavish life, to them. They made me or they made BTS, more powerful and more stronger. To help those people, who need us, armies are more strong, then me. I can't reach everyone, but when they, hear me, I wanted to make sure that, they wouldn't feel, what I feel and what I'm going through. Other members, are also feel the, same but we hadn't speak this, openly.
That, they also scared of this and have fear of this achievement. And I don't know, why I'm sharing this with you." I said.

I don't know, what happen to me.
I just can't control, on my thinking way and just spoken, what came in my mind.

" have you miss, something or lost " she asked

" I lost many things, but should I been regret for that, yeah probably some corner of my heart, I feel heavy, but I can't express, by crying or writing. I like to seal them in my heart, which never have to come up. " I said.

" what if someday, they came up, and you can't stop them " she said.

" that, day... I must, I loved someone " I replied.

I don't know why, I replied like this.

" loved someone " she mumbled.

" Y/N !!! " sana screamed her name.

And we turned around.

" come on guys, let's go " kiya screamed.

" let's go " she said and go away from there.

" do you scared, I like me " I asked, which hold her step.

" maybe more than you " she replied, by turn to me.

And again proceed to walk.

I follow her.

I share many things, today.
I feel light yet, unwanted feel of heartbreak.
Y/n...