Mrs Scuderi

chapter forty six

Amelia's Pov
Seeing her like that makes me want to never leave her side, just like when her dad died but it's not my place any more, it never was. "Freya I'm home!" I shout once I'm in the house. I still haven't made my mind up about giving up the house and after what she pulled it's getting harder to. I look for her in the kitchen and sitting room before moving to the terrace on the roof where she's seated, smoking. Since when does she smoke? "Is this what you like huh?"she says throwing it in my direction.

"Ofcourse it isn't,"

"I've been trying so hard to fill in that void you have but I'm tired. You love her not me,"

"I love-"

"don't you fucking finish that sentence! I see the way you look at her Amelia, the way you show up for her and you're the first person she calls when she has an emergency even if it's in the middle of the night. You refused to take a day off today to be with me but one call from that fucker and you're already canceling work,"she says and i can notice she's intoxicated but what she's saying is clearer to me now. I was doing the same thing i always did, left a door open for her Incase she wanted to come back and she was taking advantage of that.

"You didn't have to track me or keep tabs on me. I care about you too, alot and i chose you and i still am,"

"you're chosing me because she'd never choose you, let me ask you something, if she told you that she still had feelings for you and wanted you back would you take her?"she asks not once breaking eye contact and i don't have an answer to that. Did part of me want her to say she still had feelings for me that night? Yes it did but she didn't and that's why I chose to say yes when Freya proposed. Because i traded someone who doesn't love me back for someone i can't love in that way.

I thought the more i got to know her my feelings would deepen and they some what did but the proposal just made it even worse with how possessively insecure she got but i played a part in that. I knew what Fabiana was doing and i entertained it despite knowing she's just spiteful of Freya. "I love you Amelia, there's so much to love about you and when i look at you i just know you deserve the world and if you think it's with that bastard then go for it but i will not be your collateral,"she says softly, not yelling, not gritting her teeth, just softly and it's the first time I'm feeling what I'm feeling for her. That she's willing to sacrifice my her love for me so i can be with someone else.

I go over to her hugging her tightly with tears threatening to come out. "I'm so sorry,"i say in a whisper and she hugs me back tightly. "It's okay baby," she says making it even more sentimental. "Let's go in it's cold outside,"i say and she lets me lead her back in swaying abit. She'd been drinking and despite me saying she doesn't mean it, i know she does. It was weighing on her and the alcohol just made it easier to let go of it. She goes to the bedroom but I'm still hungry and need to warm something to eat.

I'm waiting for the chicken in the oven to heat up when my phone rings and i pick it up displaying her name. After everything Freya said earlier it's difficult to pick up the phone. Why was she even calling me at this hour when here girlfriend is right there? I let it go straight to voicemail as i focus on my food. "Are you coming to bed?" A drowsy Freya asks now in her plaid pajama pants and a white shirt. "I'll be right up, i just need to eat first,"i say trying to not sound awkward like she didn't just yell out her feelings earlier. I wonder if she'll remember all this in the morning.

She walks over to me the same time my phone rings again and i know if she sees it she'll start again and I'm tired of the same argument so i quickly flip the phone. She leans in to kiss me and i kiss back before she kisses my forehead as well and walks away leaving me there to stare at the name on the screen. "I told you to stop calling me at this hour Fabi,"i say sternly.

"I'm sorry i just don't know what to do, Joanna left and I-"

"she left?"

"She couldn't accept the fact that I'm taking in a child," she says and i can feel the strain in her voice to remain composed. Nobody said it would be easy Fabiana. I bite my lower lip trying to talk myself out of taking my car and driving to her house. "Please I really need you,"she says and i can feel a tear run down my cheek. Why was i crying? She simply needed me to help with the baby, not in her life. I call Ophelia to walk me through the whole new parent schedule and give me the do's and dont's. "Are you pregnant again?" She asks once she's done because i hadn't told her about Fabiana's situation, it wasn't my place.

"No it's for Fabiana she-"

"Not this again Lia. How long are you going to be her backup? You're getting married and you care more about her than your own fiancee,"she starts and its nothing i haven't hard before. I'm stupidly dumb for doing so but I can't help it. I find Freya already asleep and cover her properly knowing I'll just go explain everything to Fabiana and come back because it's a half an hour drive. I fight the urge to to turn and go back to my house where everything is, a person who loves me and needs me not only when she's desperate but also when she knows she can do it without me.

My comfortable bed with a person next to me making it warm. A person i wish was someone else. "Hey, come in,"she says with her hair all messy and and her in grey sweatpants and a white shirt. There's baby noises in the background but stops after a while. She looks terrible within the 24 hours I've seen her. "I wrote down everything you need to know to help you with the baby,"i say handing her the scribbled notes i made while Ophelia was talking. I knew there was a different way of doing it. I could have easily sent it to her without driving across London and making it look like nothing to just see her because she said she needed me.

"You look terrible! Have you eaten?"

"I have so much on my mind Amelia, eating is the least of my problems," she says rubbing her eyes. She guides us to the kitchen where there's a bottle of brandy there and pours me a glass. "I can't stay Fabi, i left umm Freya sleeping,"i say swallowing hard and she just pushes it to me. "All the more reason to drink,"she says simply downing hers and so do I. What did that even mean? I needed a break from everything and burying myself in work to avoid it wasn't helping. She looks over to me longingly before pouring another one and drinking it. "Slow down,"i say holding her hand to stop her from reaching for the bottle again.

"Talk to me Fabi,"

"And what would i say huh?"

"That you're hurting and it's okay,"

"she didn't even get to know what gender her baby was,"she says and that's a start. She grieved differently from everyone else and now she wouldn't get to because of the baby. She pulls her stool closer to me and sits making me tense up at how close we are. I had avoided it for so long. "I think y-" i say but she pulls me to her connecting our lips together hungrily and i can't help but kiss back. She unbuttons my loose blouse taking my nipples in her mouth with one hand guiding me to her crotch to feel her erection. Her mouth moves to the nook of my neck sucking roughly.

My phone rings but she doesn't stop, convincing us both that it'll stop eventually but it rings again making us both freeze in our positions. I move away fixing my blouse before reaching for my bag and she's already up on her feet walking away possibly to give me some privacy." Hey i woke up and you weren't here," she says groggily. "I went for a drive to unwind but I'm on my way back,"i lie swallowing hard. What happened was a mistake. I shouldn't have happened. It takes only one kiss to pull me back into her roller coaster and i hadn't enjoyed the ride before, I'm not sure i would now. I walk cautiously in the direction she went to tell her that I'm leaving but i don't find her given my second time being here so i leave.

Freya is asleep but when she hears me she stirs awake. I change quickly and get in the bed letting her snake her arm around my torso.

"Did it help?" She asks drowsily.

"What?"

"The drive, did it help?" She asks again and i remember the lie i told. I'm a shit liar. I think to myself. "Oh yeah, it did," i say offing my night lap refusing for one second to think about what happened earlier with Fabiana. Whatever that was should be left in the past. It was simply just a mistake.