Mrs Scuderi

chapter thirty two

                  Amelia's Pov
"Just sit here the doctor will be with you shortly,"the nurse says showing me where to sit, on the hospital bed after changing into the clothe she gave me earlier. My phone rings in my bag and i jump down to go get it. I see Fabiana's name on the screen and i contemplate answering it. What she said she can't take back, especially because there was some truth in it. She gave me an ultimatum that if i came here i should never go back to her and i left. "Yes? If it's my clothes I'll have my dad pick them up for me,"i say since mom wouldn't even want to look at me now. "It's not that Amelia, please don't do it,"she says as the doctor walks in and starts to prep himself for the procedure.

"It's too late Fabi,"i say hanging up. I watch him as i rethink every life decision I've made. Was it worth it? To kill a child because I don't like who gave it to me? "Actually i don't want to go through with it,"i say terrified of what I'll feel after, if I'll ever be able to forgive myself. A nurse walks in fully masked so i can't see her properly to tell if it's the same one. "It's okay, the nurse will give you something to stop the initial sedation medicine you got. He says pushing me gently on the bed despite me insisting that i feel okay and i don't want this to happen. I see the nurse inject something in my IV and within a matter of seconds everything is becoming blurry.

"Please i don't want to go through with this...please...please..stop..pl.."i try my hardest to word out hoping this is not what I'm thinking. I want to keep the baby. I try to fight of their grip but it's not working because whatever they gave me is stronger than the strength i have. When i wake up I'm in Fabiana's bed feeling a bit of pain. I look around but there's no one so i try to get out of bed because it's dark outside. What happened and how did i get back here. I feel sharp pains on my lower belly when i try to get up. "Hey hey stop go back to bed,"she says rushing to put my feet up again and covering them. I feel wetness on myself.

"Did i pee myself?"i ask face palming and she shakes her head.

"You're just bleeding,"

"bleeding?" I ask then i start to remember what happened before i got unconscious. "What happened to the baby?"i ask with my breathing getting faster and i can't breathe. "You killed it like you wanted," she says bitterly unable to meet my eyes. "But i told the doctor i didn't want to. I told him to stop the process but then this nurse cam in and drugged me. I promise i wanted to to keep it," i say trying to make her believe me because I'm being honest. "Look you don't have to pretend or lie to my face, it's already over,"she says getting up and i can sense the hurt in her voice. Why didn't the doctor listen? Why did they continue with the procedure despite my pleas to stop it? I feel overwhelmingly numb.

I feel violated because i didn't consent to go through with it in the end but they did it anyway.

"H...how did i get here?"

"The driver called me when the procedure took longer than expected and when i got there you were still uncouncious from the drugs,"she says genuinely. I feel tears roll down my cheeks and i can't stop them, because there's nothing i can undo now. I thought I'd feel lighter if i went through with it but i feel way worse especially because I was robbed off that choice when they did it despite me being against it. "I wanted to keep it,"i say but her face is blank as she just stands there looking at me. "No you didn't so stop fucking lying. You drove there yourself and went through with it then you want to lie to me? For what, to make yourself feel less shitty as a person?"

"No! I wanted to keep it because as much as i mean nothing to you that child didn't need to pay for the anger that i have towards you. It didn't deserve that,"i say breaking down again because of how much it hurts both physically and emotionally. She walks over to me trying to hug me like it's going to make everything better but i push her away. The last thing i need right now is someone who doesn't really care about me. She walks out leaving me there to wallow in all the feelings I'm spiraling in right now. After a few hours of staring at the door i decide to call my mom, because she'd know what to do.

"Hey mom,"i say sniffling. "Lia is everything okay?" She asks with ruffling sounds behind her and i can tell she was getting out of bed. "Mom I need you to come get me please,"i say as more tears just fall down on the blanket. "We'll be there, hold on baby,"she says still staying on the line but i hang up. She warned me about her and i didn't listen now I'm paying twice what i should have. I try to get out of the bed again this time with no one stopping me. There's a huge blood stain on the bed and it just reminds me of what happened earlier.  The cramps are intense, making it hard for me to walk. I'm closer to the the closet when i feel nauseated so i slide to the floor against the wall  unable to keep being strong with how weak my body is.

I decide to get up and change into something else because of how triggering what I'm wearing is. "Amelia! Amelia where are you?"i hear my mom calling out to me. I want to shout that I'm in here but i don't even want to utter another word. "My baby what happened?" She asks finding me seated next to the bed. "Take me home please,"i say this time managing to not tear up as much and she helps me up and guides me out of the room and downstairs where dad is scolding Fabiana and when he sees me in my state he's rage builds up even more. "What did you do to may daughter?!" He asks angrily and mom leaves my side to go calm him down.

Fabiana doesn't fight it, instead she stands there taking it all the while her eyes not leaving mine and i can see something i had never seen in them, regret. Once dad agrees to come with us he escorts us out of the house. "I love you Amelia!" She shouts to me as mom is helping me get in the backseat stopping me in my tracks. She what? I turn back to face her but I can't see it. I can't see her truthfulness in that. This is not what love feels like and love is not just a word someone can throw around hoping it'll get them what they want. She doesn't love me, she couldn't.

I get in the car and we drive off not looking back. Well maybe i did look back to see her standing in the same spot outside watching the car disappear into the road. The car ride is quiet and i appreciate them not going on about how Fabiana is going to pay. It was nobody's fault by my own. I got me in this mess. I willingly let her have her way with me and i loved every minute of it and now i have to deal with the consequences. "You're bleeding!"mom exclaims as she helps me out of the car and i realize i still haven't told her what happened. She helps me clean up and change into something else and something to deal with the bleeding. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about any of it just yet because its still fresh.

I can see it vividly when i close my eyes and if not it's the only thing i can think about. "What really happened there?"she asks cuddling me with her sitting down with her back against the dashboard stroking my hair. "I...i..they killed my baby,"i say letting go of the tears i was holding back for a while. "You were pregnant?!"she asks shocked. "Who honey? Who are they?" "The hospital, i told them No  but they drugged me and went through with it,"i say remembering the incident again and it's like torture to my brain. How it can keep such a painful memory unwillingly. She doesn't ask anything else instead just kisses my forehead endlessly muttering words like it's going to be okay from time to time until i slowly drift off to sleep exhausted with everything.