Dear Heaven

KABANATA 08

KABANATA 08

To : 🤍
— yes! Not just like. I love it so much! Thank you for this!!!

From: 🤍
— so, you're not mad at me anymore?:)
— did you already red the whole message?

To: 🤍
— I was about to read it but, then you message me.
— wait, i'm just going to read it:p
— and no I'm not mad at you:)

"My peace offering for this wonderful lady."

I'm really sorry about what happened last night. I really felt bad because you waited for me and I know you slept so late because of that. I didn't expect na makakatulog ako while waiting for you to finish your dinner with your parents. I'm really sorry, Ali... Hope this stuff toy can help you feel better! And please don't be mad at me:( we will watch a movie right now if you want.

—rics

My heart was beating so loud as I read his letter. I didn't expect that he has this softest side of him!!

I immediately message him after reading the letter.

To : 🤍
— nabasa ko na...
— are you sure we are going to watch a movie today?

From : 🤍
— yes, I'm hundred percent sure, miss Ali.

To : 🤍
— okay okay
— I'll just take a bath:)

I didn't wait for him to reply and I immediately run to the bathroom para makaligo na.

Habang naliligo ako ay iniisip ko na kung ano ang papanoorin namin, para hindi na kami magtagal sa pamimili ng papanoorin. Hindi ko din talaga alam kung ano ang papanoorin namin but I have an specific genre in my mind.

Pagkatapos kong maligo, I make sure that I look fresh. Of course para hindi ma-turn off. I just wore a simple white sando crop top and a denim short. Nag make-up na rin ako ng very very light lang like my usual everyday make up.

After that nagpunta muna ako sa study table ko and I wrote something on my diary.

Dear Heaven,

I'm sorry I didn't update you about my love life. But, so far, I'm happy like more than happy that I experience a lot of things with him. Thank you for this so much, heaven! You are the best!!

I closed my diary then kinuha ko na ang cellphone ko. Only to find out that he's not available.

Bumungad sa akin ang mga text niya andhe even called me for like three times then lahat ng notifications ko ay puro chats niya.

From : 🤍
—hey, something came up
— nagpatawag ng meeting si coach sa school para sa intramural
— we can't watch a movie right now.
— I'm sorry but this is really an important meeting
— I'll chat you if we can watch a movie later
— I'm really sorry:(
— I hope you will understand

Hanggang doon nalang ang message niya. The last message was sent five minutes ago. Paniguradong naka alis na iyon ng bahay nila at papunta na sa school for their meeting.

To : 🤍
— it's okay, I understand
— listen to your coach, enjoy!

After I sent those messages, parang may karayom na tumutusok sa aking puso at hindi mapigilan sakit na nararamdaman. Gusto kong umiyak, magalit, at magtampo pero alam kong wala ako sa posisyon para mag demand ng oras niya. Wala ako sa posisyon para maramdaman ang lahat ng ito ngayon.

Nagpunta nalang ulit ako sa study table ko at binuklat ang diary dahil may isisulat ako doon.

Dear Heaven,

Akala ko masaya na, haha hindi pala... okay lang maman sana, e. Kung hindi lang siya nag promise. Syempre umasa ako promise iyon, e. Hindi ko naman alam na pati pala pangako niya hindi rin natutupad. I want to cry so bad, I hate this feeling, but if it means that I love him truly then I'll cry all day to prove him that I love him so much that I am willing to risk only if it's him.

This is what I hate about myself. Small things makes me cry. I was actually hoping that I wasn't born with a soft heart so that I can learn how to fight for my feelings. But, I know it's also a good thing that I am a soft hearted person.

Whenever I am angry at someone or something, hindi ako kumakausap ng iba like, wala akong pinapansin. Yes it's rude but it's for my own good and mental health of the people around me. Baka kase habang galit ako at pansinin ko ang mga tao sa paligid ko ay sa kanila ko mabuhos lahat ng galit na nararamadaman ko. I don't want to hurt other people's feelings just for my satisfaction to let my anger out of my body.

Mas pipiliin ko pang manahimik at kimkimin ang nararamdaman ko kaysa makasakit ng damdamin ng ibang tao.

Wala naman akong magagawa at itinuloy ko nalang ang mga gagawin ko sa araw na ito. After an hour, he texted me but I didn't reply. I don't want him to think that I'm waiting for him. Tsaka ayaw ko muna makipag-usap sa ngayon dahil hindi pa rin naaalis ang inis ko sa kaniya.

Promise, promise pa hindi naman pala tutuparin. Tsk!

From : 🤍
— hello, kakatapos lang ng meeting and we will proceed to training na.
— I just message you since I have a short time pero papunta na kami sa court ngayon for the training.
— I'm really sorry talaga...

I mark it as read on purpose kahit hindi ko naman pinag tuunan ng pansin basahin ang mga iyon.

I silently cried inside my room. Pagkatapos kong ikalma ang sarili ko galing sa pag-iyak ay isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa mesa. Pagod na pagod ang mga mata ko sa pag iyak. Tumutulo pa rin ang mga luha ko hanggang sa hindi ko na amalayan na nakatulog na pala ako.

Nagising ako dahil sa vibrate ng cellphone ko sa lamesa. Tinignan ko iyon at nakita kung sino ha ang naging dahilan pakit nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko. It's him.

Ang tanging nakita ko lang sa screen ko ay ang nickname niya sa contacts ko. I don't want to see his messages. I know I have to understand at wala ako sa posisyon para magreklamo pero, hindi ko lang talaga mapigilan.

Nagpunta ako sa tambayan ko sa malapit sa bintana ng aking kwarto. Tahimik akong nagmumuni-muni doon. Iniisip kung paano ko ba siya pakikisamahan kahit na maliit na bagay lang naman ang dahilan bakit ako nainis ng ganito.

While I'm in the middle of my thoughts, my phone suddenly rang...

———