The Untamed 2: Deranged Minds

Chapter 46

'Would he have been alright if she wasn't there?'

Despite all her efforts, Hong Guang could not get rid of the memory of Zewu Jun kindly smiling at her assuring her that he'd take care of her no matter what. But now he was lying on the floor bleeding. If.. if she wasn't there. If she didn't come, would this have happened? But Si Zhui was there too. So, even if she wasn't there, Zewu Jun would have rushed to save Si Zhui, wouldn't he? But... but if she wasn't there, could Si Zhui and Jing Yi have fought better? She kept on telling it wasn't true, it was not her fault, but her brain just refused to believe her own words.

She stretched her trembling hands towards Xi Chen. She did not know what she was planning on doing with them. Ease his pain? Reassure him? Try to check whether he was all right? She felt the urge to drag him onto her lap form the floor... the floor looked so cold and heartless. Not a place such a kind person deserved to be lying on, especially when he was in so much pain. But she retracted her hands knowing even when they were steady, they were too weak to lift Zewu Jun up. And who was she? What right did she have to touch him? They weren't family nor friends.

Plus, his family and friends were already treating him well. So, instead, Hong Guang looked at Wang Ji who was very calmly pressing on his brother's wounds to stop the bleeding. It looked so out of place; His scary calmness. Shouldn't he be panicking at least, if not crying and screaming, begging his brother not to leave him? But he did none of that. Just focusing on doing what he was supposed to do, not fast, but accurately. Even though Hong Guang found the calmness that ran from his expression to his performance kind of unsettling, she could not help but respect that self-control.

She sat there for a while, at first devastated, then not having any strength to get up, then not wanting to disturb anyone else. But at one point she felt so freaking useless to the point she couldn't stand being there anymore. Zewu Jun had risked his own life to save hers, but she couldn't even do a simple thing in return. Yet again she found herself utterly useless.

Not being able to contain the self-disgust she was feeling, she got up and walked away. Even though Wen Ning and Jing Yi turned their heads to see where she was going, neither of them made a move to stop her. If they thought the murderers would return, they didn't even word their concerns. Maybe they have also come to hate her and would not even care even if she was murdered. If they completely hate her by now, she wouldn't even be surprised. They all seemed to adore Zewu Jun. And now he was in this treacherous state because of her.

The rain had somewhat lessened, but it only took minutes for it to soak through her clothes. But she couldn't really tell the shivering was caused by cold or from within. She found a fallen log and sat down not having any more strength to walk forward. Her chest felt like it was about to burst in agony. It was exactly like when she found out about her clan and the days afterwards. They really had had tried to hold it in for each other's sake, but it had been so painful. Hong Guang never knew that bundled up emotions could bring so much physical pain, and now she was feeling the same yet again. But she had no more energy to strengthen her mind any more. She had been fed up with being strong when the world seemed not to even give her a break. So, not wanting to hold it back anymore, she willed herself to cry. Alas, no tears would come no matter how hard she tried. Only her heart kept clenching even more and more to the point she thought it would end up breaking.

After Securing the wound the best they could, Wang Ji looked at Wu Xian, urging with his eyes to go and check on Si Zhui. Even though he knew that Si Zhui's pain was mostly conjured by what had happened to his sect leader, he couldn't help but believe that some of it was due to physical pain. Wu Xian would not budge until Wang Ji reassured him that he was alright.