We Can't Go Back

You Promised

She feels nauseous as the ship pulls away from the city she calls home. She knows she's breaking all her promises and she knows that she'll never be forgiven for it but she couldn't just sit around any more.

She made it a full year without Steve and Jaime but the end of the war is nowhere to be seen and she just can't handle waiting anymore.

Two days ago she was sitting in the kitchen just staring at the newspaper.

CAPTAIN AMERICA HEADS ACROSS THE POND.

She stared at that damn newspaper article for what felt like hours. Even though Steve had enlisted, he was always at least in the country. The imaginary tether between her and her twin was taut before but it felt more like it was about to snap as the distance between her and her brother gets wider and wider.

Then of course there's the pain of missing Bucky. She can't really tell which pain is worse but they both are destroying her. There are some days where she hates them for leaving her. They wanted to protect her but they may have thought about it twice if they could see how broken she is now. What she's been doing recently isn't even really living.

Well, if they aren't going to look after her sanity, she sure as hell is going to take care of it herself.

She doesn't care anymore about the promise she made Jaime to not enlist if he got drafted. She doesn't care if he's angry. She doesn't care that she may die over seas. All she cares about is finally doing something about the endless despondency that's been haunting her since the two men that matter to her more than the whole world left her.

She was hoping to go to the front lines where the men needed help the most but no. They got her set up in a military hospital to treat the officers that are too valuable to lose. She wanted to be in the trenches tending to the men who didn't choose to fight. However, the higher ups felt that a woman with her training shouldn't be "wasted" on a bunch of privates as the recruiter so kindly pointed out to her.

At least when Steve and Jaime find out she enlisted they'll be comforted by the fact that she had a cushy hospital job... probably. She's so lucky they love her so much because they might not forgive her otherwise. She knows she's selfish but she needs to be on the same continent with them to keep her from losing her mind.

The days on the ship are full of anxiousness and also cabin fever. They tried to separate the female nurses from the male soldiers but that meant that her and the other women were confined to their area of the ship. By the time they docked in London, she was half insane.

When she exits the ship, she is immediately greeted by a middle aged man with what seems to be armed guards all around him.

"You must be Dr. Rogers. My name is John Huxley," he greets with a strong British accent.

"Miss Rogers, actually. I'm a few years short of a doctorate," she says she corrects.

"I read your professors' files on you from your university. You may not have graduated but you're definitely knowledgeable enough to be a doctor in my eyes. As long as you're working with me, I'll treat you with the title of a trained medical professional, Dr. Rogers," he says.

She can't help but like the man instantly. She's lived in a world full of misogyny her whole life and there's very few men that treat her with the respect she deserves. She's incredibly fortunate that Jaime is as progressive as he is because most men wouldn't tolerate her wanting to work as a doctor.

"I appreciate that Dr. Huxley. Are you to be my superior?" She asks.

"No, no. I work at the hospital but as a scientist more so than a doctor. It's just some of the other men..."