We Can't Go Back

Emotions Aren't Rational

Lizzie was actually quite surprised at how fast life moved after that. True to his promise, Howard bound out her contract and she joined him, Peggy, and Dr. Huxley at the SSR base. Bucky and Steve have been off taking down Hydra bases but whenever the are done, the base is their home.

She knows it's not protocol to allow people to share rooms but her and Bucky got a private one due to being married. Every time he's back and she's not working, they spend in newlywed bliss. When they are together, the war doesn't seem to exist but when he leaves, it's so hard. As much as she hates it, she knows he has to go fight.

He always makes sure to say goodbye before he leaves and each time never gets easier. He always tries to give her back her necklace when he goes on missions for safe keeping but each time she insists on him taking it with him. She doesn't know why but for some reason she feels like it keeps him safe.

Lizzie was working in the lab while waiting for Bucky. She knew he was supposed to come home today from a mission but she knew he had to tie up some loose ends first and he promised he'd take her to lunch after. Except when the door opens, it's an infuriated Peggy and not her husband.

"Are you okay?" She asks as she sets down her clipboard.

"Yes. I just shot your brother," she says.

"What?!" Lizzie yells.

Peggy suddenly realizes her word choice and is quick to respond.

"Sorry, Lizzie. I just shot at him. He had a shield," she says.

Howard did mention something about giving Steve a shield. She knew there was a few options but she knows which one Steve would choose.

"What did he do this time?" She asks.

"Nothing. I overreacted," she says with a wave of her hand.

"I love my brother with everything that I have but even I know he can be dense sometimes," Lizzie says.

Peggy pauses, not knowing if Lizzie is someone she could confide in. However, these weeks they've grown fairly close. Peggy's job doesn't usually allow for her to get close to people but Steve and Lizzie have been the first people in a very long time that she's grown to deeply care for. She even had her moments with Barnes when he tagged along with either Lizzie or Steve. She doesn't trust anyone usually but for some reason, she is the exception.

"I saw him kissing a girl. It shouldn't have bothered me. Steve never made any promises and I sure didn't either," she says.

"You were jealous."

"No! Well... maybe a bit, yes," she admits.

"It's okay to be jealous and still know the timing isn't right to be with someone. Jaime and I spent years being jealous of each other's partners before we got together. I don't regret that time though because it made us better in the end. It was absolutely horrible to see him with other girls but he chose me and I chose him in the end. I don't know what you and my brother have but from what I can see, he's your Jaime. It'll take some time and a lot of guess and check but I'm sure you'll work it out," she says.

She didn't know how Lizzie was so confident. Sure, it worked out for her and Barnes but they were made for each other. She's never seen a relationship like there's and sometimes it's hard to watch. They don't really show public displays of affection but watching him smile when he makes her laugh or when she looks at him like nothing is wrong in the world as long as he's there; well, it's so intimate that she feels like she is observing something so private. She doesn't know if she can ever have a love like theirs because she's not sure she's built for it.

"Still. I have no right being jealous," she says.

"We can't help how we feel, Peggy. Emotions aren't rational. We can't always help who we fall in love with," Lizzie says.