The Terrace

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There's too many ghosts inside me.
They tap from underneath
But they hide or fizzle away before I can see them clearly
They are shadows in the recesses that haunt my vessel

The more I ignore them, the more demonic they become.

-F.J.

Xxxx

I took off my pearls, throwing them on my bed, followed by my earrings—the absence of their weight a welcomed feeling. They left my ears sore.

I sighed and unzipped my dress as I walked to the closet, slipping out of and discarding it on the floor in exchange for a silk robe.

I padded across the room with bare feet towards the glass doors to the small terrace, flicking my wand to move one of the comfy chairs outside. It dragged across the floor slowly then got stuck on the threshold to the balcony.

I cursed myself for my sloppy magic, coaxing it out with another spell.

I wrapped myself up in a blanket as I sat to look up at the sky. It was speckled with stars and illuminated only partially by the small crescent moon in the middle of it all.

I sighed up at it.

I couldn't enjoy it. Not tonight.

Sometimes the darkness and sky were a comfort. Other times it felt exhausting to try to admire it.

Tonight it made me feel too small—too out of control.
The stars and the moon too far away to reach to across such an expanse. Nor bright enough to witness their colors.

Tonight I wished they could come closer.

It was probably the weight of the evenings events pressing into me. The rejection. The embarrassment.

They tasted bitter.

Then the feelings underneath those layers. The pain. The aching that was always there in my chest. A pain so deep down that I couldn't quite place.

It nawed at me.

A constant feeling that could be enhanced some moments and dulled the next. Where it could linger in my chest one moment, the next it would ache in my whole body.

It was associated with a hurt I couldn't place—maybe it was from a single transgression in my past. Or maybe it was the accumulation of many small ones.

I didn't want to think about it. Never did. Never planned to.

And lately it was flaring up more. The more I was around people it seemed to try to get my attention.

I didn't want to feel it anymore. I should've just stayed away from people. From—

Someone cleared their throat behind me.

I turned to see Draco leaning against the frame—hair wind blown and dressed in an all black suit.

I turned back to the stars, irritated and suddenly too aware of my surroundings.

I heard him huff humorously and then walk over to the railing, leaning forward on it—interlacing his fingers as he let his hands hang over the edge.

A few seconds passed of silence.

"I heard about what Theo said—about the bet," he said, glancing at me.

I didn't look at him, craning my neck to try to get him out of my peripheral view—pretending it was just to look at the sky.

"You Malfoys do love to gossip," I said spitefully.

He laughed and I turned my head slightly to see he'd turned his back around to the darkness beyond.

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