The wrong Soulmate

It was never mentioned again

Trigger warning: Mention of the word "rape", mention of parental abuse, physical abuse "Punishment".

"It was never mentioned again," I told the handsome man sitting in the chair across from me with a calm voice. I watched as Remy looked at me with wide, confused eyes. That moment was never spoken about again. I had almost completely forgotten about that entire experience. It was never mentioned again, people forgot about it. I had almost forgotten what happened with Dominick. I had almost completely blocked it out. It was a distant memory of my repressed trauma. I was sure Remy had blocked it out. I was sure he would never remember the way he saved me. He had never brought it back up. He had never asked me if I were okay. We barely ever spoke back then. He was simply my sister's boyfriend. It was never mentioned again. 

"What do you mean, it was never mentioned again? Surely you spoke to someone about it? What about your parents? What about Rose?" He asked me with the softest eyes I had ever seen. I could not stop the quickening of my heart while I stared into his familiar brown eyes. I had never taken the time to really think about it but I missed those eyes desperately. I had never had Remy look at me like this with those eyes. These eyes were always reserved for Rose. I scolded myself for completely melting at his expression. Stupid emotions! Why must he always be so perfect? Why must he always know what to say? Always know how to act? Why must he look at me with those perfect eyes? Why must I be so deeply in love with him? I am supposed to be mad. He was the one who dropped by completely unannounced and asked me to tell him everything that happened between us. I was mad at him! I am supposed to be in control here. 

"It was never mentioned again. I went home that night with Rose. She had been panicked in the infirmary but when we got back home, this was my problem. She completely removed herself from the equation. This was my problem and I faced my punishment. I did my time for what happened. It was my fault after all. I should not have provoked Dominick. I got my punishment and then it was never mentioned again. It was buried. Buried like everything else in my family. It was never mentioned again" I told him calmly while taking my glass of water and taking a sip. I could not understand what was confusing in my sentence. It was never mentioned again. Nothing is ever mentioned again in the Dire house. You mess up, you get punished and then you move past it. I remember that night vividly. I remember Rose barging into the infirmary looking panicked, for a second I believed my sister worried for me. I remember Remy leaving us to go talk to the principal and I remember Rose yelling at me. She was furious. I had learned that soft Rose was a facade she wore in front of others. Behind closed doors, Rose was exactly like our mother. I remember her telling me she would be telling our parents. I remember the panic that raised in me but I simply nodded before looking down. This event did not change anything. The rules were still simple, never speak unless spoken to, and keep your head down. Nothing had changed. I remember getting home. I remember facing my punishment. I was used to punishment. You would not believe how many wrong things I had done in my life. Punishment was normal. Punishment was expected. That night was never spoken about again. That day was never spoken about again. I finished my glass of water before I noticed how unsettled Remy looked. 

"Percy..." He started but I cut him off. The famous words of my father echoed in my brain. 

"Dire's do not get attacked" I spoke the words that have always been engraved in my head. Remy's face fell before he moved over next to me. I tensed up when he landed on the couch next to me. Why was he so close? Why was he in my personal space? Was he going to hurt me? Was he here to hit me? What did I do wrong? Was it the words? I was never comfortable with someone being so close. When people were close people hurt me. When Rose got close she would torture me. When my father got close he would hit me. When my mother got close...that had only happened once. 

"Percy you were-"

"Dire's do not let themselves get hurt" I cut him off once again. Dire's do not let themselves get hurt. Dire's do not get hurt. Dire's are strong. Dire's do the hurting. I remember when my father first told me that rule. It was right after he had beat me up for having bad grades. I was six. I had gotten a B grade in arts. I looked at the man next to me who seemed to be annoyed that I kept interrupting him. I knew what he was going to say. I would stop him from saying it. It was not true. 

"Percy you were raped" He exclaimed before I could stop him once more and I froze. No! This was not true! No. It did not happen...no. My hands started shaking. I-

"D-dire's do not get a-a-s-saulted" I manage to let the words out. Dire's do not...

"Per-"

"DIRE'S DO NOT GET RAPED REMY!" I shouted while the tears escaped my eyes. I could not control the tears, I could not control the shaking. No. Dire's do not get raped. I did not get raped. I did not. It did not happen. No...It-

"Shh love it's okay. It is going to be okay. Just let it all out, I'm here" I was suddenly brought into warm, strong, and comforting arms. I was being squished between the arms but I did not mind. I was in Remy's arms. I could not think clearly. I could not breathe. I could not stop the tears from falling. I was in Remy's arms. You would not believe how many times I had imagined I would be in his arms. I had never believed it would be like this. Why was I such a baby? Why was I such a disappointment? Remy deserved better than me. I continued to cry pathetically for what felt like hours before I slowly mumbled the last words. 

"It was never mentioned again."

I feel like I need to keep apologizing for this story's contents. I am so sorry that this book had such mature themes but Remy and Percy are uncovering everything that happened between them and Percy went through so much trauma in his life. Anyways, it was never mentioned again and it won't for the rest of the book thankfully but things for Percy simply get worse. Being a Dire is difficult, Percy has never been allowed to talk about those events, he was never allowed to come to term with what happened and finally after years, he admitted it. He was raped. I am sorry. I hope you all enjoy this book even if it is very mature content. I wish to say it will get better but then I would be lying. Read at your own risk at this point. Also if anyone doesn't know, Percy and Remy are full blown adults in the present time, like they are I think 40 or close to 50 years old, I forget the math. Anyways when Percy cries he can not help but feel like some pathetic teenager because well he's supposed to be a mature adult. Repressed trauma does this to you so I will never blame him for crying. Anways, catch you all in the next one. 

~Jess