The wrong Soulmate

Meeting the kids

Warning: Self-hatred thoughts and signs of PTSD.

Today was the day. Today was the day that I was meeting Remy's kids. Today was the day I would be introduced to my niece and nephew as their father's boyfriend. Today I was no longer Uncle Percy, their mother's absent brother, I was their father's boyfriend. Today I become something much more critical than my previous title. Today I get to see how they feel about me. I get to find out how they feel about our relationship. Will they hate me? Will they hate Remy and me being together? I was nervous... Nervous was not even the correct word to describe how I was feeling. I was overwhelmed with emotions. How could I not be?

I had no idea what would come of this lunch. How would they take this news? I was their mother's replacement. I was the reason their parents were now separated. I am the reason their family is now in shambles. How could they not hate me? This was stupid, I knew they would not approve. How could they approve? I was the man who took their father away from their mother. I am the reason their family is destroyed. I would not blame them if they disliked me. I never blamed anyone who does. Most people dislike me when they meet me. Why wouldn't they? I am the black sheep Dire after all. I am the mistake that should have never been born. I was the mistake who was destined to be Remy's soulmate and traumatized for it my entire life.

I could still not wrap my head around everything that had happened in the last weeks. Remy and I were together, fully together. Nothing was pulling us apart, and I could not wrap my head around everything. How was any of this real? I could not help the thoughts that swarmed my head. This had to be some really amazing dream right? I had spent years of being told that Remy was not mine to have. Years of undergoing Rose's punishment. Years of feeling like the universe had made a mistake and now I could not understand it. This could not be real. The universe must have made a mistake because Remy deserves someone better than me. I am worthless. I am not the favorite Dire, I am not the heir. I am not rich, I do not come with the Dire fortune as Rose does. I am nothing. I did not give him children, I did not give him a life and he chose me in the end. Why? He left his wife, he left his home, he left his family for what? Me? I was not worth the sacrifice. I was not worth all this. Remy deserves better. He deserves the entire world and instead, he is stuck with me. I could not understand it. There must be a mistake somewhere. How was this my reality? How was this something I had always wanted but now I am wary of it? I could not help but think this was some joke. I would not put this past, Rose, this was something she would do. These were her type of punishments. This is what she did for years. The years she had played with my emotions. The years she had told me that Remy was my soulmate and made me believe that we could be happy. How could I trust that this was real? What if this was simply one of those fantasies she brought to toy with me? How was any of this real? I suddenly felt a hand be placed on mine and I looked over at the handsome man sitting next to me who was giving me a comforting smile. Remy... When I look at him all my worries melt away. If this was another one of Rose's tricks, I hope it never ends. I hope none of this ever ends. When he looks at me with those stunning brown eyes, everything falls into place. This must be real right?

"Love, are you okay? We could leave right now and do this another day if you aren't ready" The handsome man said which brought me back to reality. This was reality. Remy sitting next to me in this cafe, that was real. The universe can not tell me otherwise. This was real. I looked at Remy before smiling slightly. I had not noticed until now but his expression mirrored mine. He was nervous about this meeting. That thought brought me comfort. He was nervous about how his kids would react. He was nervous and that meant that this was important to him. I was important to him. I decided that I was going to be honest with Remy, we had agreed to only be honest with each other in this relationship. I decided to tell him how I was feeling.

"I am nervous. What if they do not like me? What if they resent me for destroying their family? What if they do not like that I am no longer their uncle but now the man their father is romantically involved with?" I voiced my thoughts and the man next to me visibly melted while pulling his chair closer to me. Remy had this ability to drop everything and come comfort me. He would push past his own feelings and anxieties and help me with mine. I swear I love this man too much.